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SLR STRENGTH TO FAIR PLUS.@nta Excellent bro. It has been cool throwing out my fat clothes and when I fit into a 34 it was like this is gold. Funny I went to go on a weekend ride with my friend and i tried on a pair of jeans (it was summer so I am shorts all the time), and I had to cinch up the belt to keep them on. Great feeling.
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5km this morning in ~29 minutes. Didn't look at the phone for my split times until 500m from the end, then I tried to gun it the last 200m but couldn't make back the time. Would love to crack 28:30 as a starting point, then get on to 28.
Some time in between that, I'd like to have a crack at a 16-minute 3km.
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@nta said in Back for more!:
Run this morning: 5km in 27:43. Cracking 28m was the goal, and I did it. Thank fuck.
that time is improving rapidly, well done.
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Have been a bit MIA in the fitness forum the last month. Just caught up on the deep and meaningful stuff from a couple of weeks ago.....
Just like most others really hit close to home on most of the points. My biggest one is im a super positive guy and always trying to motivate the missus into chasing her dreams and goals (we are kid free etc). Thing in she has been having some mental health issues where she thinks our mates dont find her interesting (getting in her own head about it at weddings etc), that some of her work stuff she is striving for is getting over taken by other people therefore lack of self worth, being more the introvert (vs me the massive extrovert) doesn't help as im usually the center of attention by accident.
Anyway she did 1.5 years of post grad study was stressed the whole time I supported her (did all the groceries/cleaning/cooking etc to take the stress off) which was a big commitment from me as I run my own business plus trying to build out my dream business.
Same thing has happened the last few months stress comes on and it doesn't seem like a relationship just like im there to try and keep the pieces together and/or pick them up. Very one way street.
Im not often down but missed out on a dream role with a US company flying around speaking at conferences, would have been perfect transition into what I want to do and potentially life changing money (like 100's of thousands or more). Got to the final round. Had put in so much work. Misses was away and when I told her I got a 'oh that sucks oh well'. I know it sounds a bit bitchy but fuck that annoyed me. I literally spent the whole weekend just pissed off.
Her stress levels have dropped off now as less on her plate but still creates stress out of nothing. Im feeling resentment and planning a hard conversation this weekend to seek help (who knows I may be told to do the same which is fine) because im not here to make you feel better if you aren't actively doing things to change the situation. Of course a relationship is about support but there comes a limit.
My heads been in a spin because obviously her mental health isn't 100% and after 11 years you care a lot about each other but I dont want to get a few years down the track and be married with kids and be like 'fuck nothings changed and now we have kids together'. We generally get on well but yeah.
<insert other peoples chat about advances etc ebbs and flows with intimacy>
Anyway rant over was good and bad reading all that because like Paekakboys said its not something you can always chat with the boys with particularly when they know both of us well.
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@magpie_in_aus mate that's a really tough situation!
This shit always, always comes back to communication, and a bit of empathy. And it fucking sucks when it feels like you are the only one providing it.
I have a slightly similar situation in that Mrs Mariner has a way busier and more stressful job than i do, and for her busy season she works an absolute fuck load. I pretty much pick up the slack at home, which isn't easy because it's not like my job is a fuck around (not that my posting history would show that). It's pretty much 5 months of the year now too. Add in a health issue i am super conscious of, and i completely relate to your position.
I used to bottle up, get fucked off after a few months, and have a sulk about it. We've got way better at being able to talk about what is pissing us off though.
The stress, the extrovert/introvert stuff, all so similar. And i have been very open about her getting some help for her anxiety, her inability to sleep, and her stress. Of course she hasn't, but it's become my fall-back (probably not the most mature) position of "well, maybe if you tried to help yourself".
But seriously, i reckon a heap of this will be solved with you laying out why you're pissed off, and what you need coming back from her.
Posts like this make me happy that the blokes mental health stuff is definitely changing attitudes to talking about shit, and realising we are all going through very similar stuff.
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@magpie_in_aus said in Back for more!:
Her stress levels have dropped off now as less on her plate but still creates stress out of nothing. Im feeling resentment and planning a hard conversation this weekend to seek help (who knows I may be told to do the same which is fine) because im not here to make you feel better if you aren't actively doing things to change the situation. Of course a relationship is about support but there comes a limit.
My heads been in a spin because obviously her mental health isn't 100% and after 11 years you care a lot about each other but I dont want to get a few years down the track and be married with kids and be like 'fuck nothings changed and now we have kids together'. We generally get on well but yeah.It's no doubt going to be hard to do, but if you don't have the hard conversation now, imagine how much you'll resent her down the track if the behaviour doesn't change. It's good that you're planning to have the conversation to help her, because at least it's a plan and if worst comes to worst, it won't be a complete surprise to her.
GL.
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thanks @mariner4life @Paekakboyz - human nature is funny. At the start, just doing 5km without having my vision fade out was the goal. Now I want 27 minutes so fucking bad...
I blame strava. A mate who i used to run with last time I got fit is now living in Adelaide, and we're chopping seconds off each other when we head out. Not sure if it is healthy now we're north of 40, but stiff shit.
This time a year ago I was on Long Service Leave, and packing for my solo trip to NZ. Fucking hell time flies, and isn't Facebook a right fluffybunny for bringing up memories?
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@nta said in Back for more!:
thanks @mariner4life @Paekakboyz - human nature is funny. At the start, just doing 5km without having my vision fade out was the goal. Now I want 27 minutes so fucking bad...
I blame strava. A mate who i used to run with last time I got fit is now living in Adelaide, and we're chopping seconds off each other when we head out. Not sure if it is healthy now we're north of 40, but stiff shit.
This time a year ago I was on Long Service Leave, and packing for my solo trip to NZ. Fucking hell time flies, and isn't Facebook a right fluffybunny for bringing up memories?
Strava is fun, but yea for blokes who are competitive it can get out of control.
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@antipodean said in Back for more!:
@magpie_in_aus said in Back for more!:
Her stress levels have dropped off now as less on her plate but still creates stress out of nothing. Im feeling resentment and planning a hard conversation this weekend to seek help (who knows I may be told to do the same which is fine) because im not here to make you feel better if you aren't actively doing things to change the situation. Of course a relationship is about support but there comes a limit.
My heads been in a spin because obviously her mental health isn't 100% and after 11 years you care a lot about each other but I dont want to get a few years down the track and be married with kids and be like 'fuck nothings changed and now we have kids together'. We generally get on well but yeah.It's no doubt going to be hard to do, but if you don't have the hard conversation now, imagine how much you'll resent her down the track if the behaviour doesn't change. It's good that you're planning to have the conversation to help her, because at least it's a plan and if worst comes to worst, it won't be a complete surprise to her.
GL.
That is the kicker aye - for those of us having detailed conversations in our heads it does feel like you are thinking it through and the various factors. With the empathy focus on your partner which has been really clear in all of our shared stories. It's about things being better for everyone.
But unless that stuff actually comes out it's news to our partners... I've also got a pretty introverted partner and I have been wondering if a letter might let me convey thoughts etc and offer her an easier, less pressured, way to digest it. Especially as the fits and starts approach can frame it like you're just having a tough period which we'll get through, rather than it being a genuine and ongoing issue in the relationship.
The missus does like a bit of time to think things through, and one of my biggest worries is how to get it all out in a coherent way so it doesn't just sound like a hostage letter from my libido!!
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@antipodean said in Back for more!:
It's no doubt going to be hard to do, but if you don't have the hard conversation now, imagine how much you'll resent her down the track if the behaviour doesn't change. It's good that you're planning to have the conversation to help her, because at least it's a plan and if worst comes to worst, it won't be a complete surprise to her.
^^^ What he said @Magpie_in_aus - I don't exactly blame myself for my current situation, but I realise that not communicating about my needs* got me where I am.
*But then, look at the big fat fluffybunny I was in the photo earlier. When I snared that little fillly do you think I was going to open my chubby maw and complain? Nup. When you're on a good thing (literally) you shut the fuck up and don't rock the boat. Short term gain, long term pain in this instance.
One thing I have learned over the years is to identify when Aunty Flo is going to be in town, so that I'm not saying stupid shit (or pretty much anything
) during the week leading in, when emotions are fluctuating. Or the week when she's menstrual, and feels like shit. Or the week after, when she's ovulating and its a good time to bring up a root... 
OK so I don't think there is EVER a good time to have a conversation with your life partner that can be deemed anything other than outright criticism, or will fuck your life up in other ways.
As long as you make it utterly clear that it comes from your concern, and that you're not sorry for sticking up for how you feel, then that's your best angle I think. The big blowup she had a couple of weeks ago eventually turned out like that.
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@magpie_in_aus said in Back for more!:
Im not often down but missed out on a dream role with a US company flying around speaking at conferences, would have been perfect transition into what I want to do and potentially life changing money (like 100's of thousands or more). Got to the final round. Had put in so much work. Misses was away and when I told her I got a 'oh that sucks oh well'. I know it sounds a bit bitchy but fuck that annoyed me. I literally spent the whole weekend just pissed off.
Mate I am right there with you. That is fucking poor from her, but clearly there is some underlying shit she can't see past in those situations, and I think that communication is a large piece of breaking that down.
When I first expressed my concerns about erectile dysfunction to the wife, she just said "Yeah well, women have to deal with all sorts of shit with our bodies!"
Yeah I know that, and you still haven't learned how to anticipate it and deal with it and make our lives easier. 
There have been other times where it is like she's trying to sympathise, but failing utterly. The complete lack of compliments about my new physique - when I'm getting them at work regularly - is just another in the long list of "my mother's dementia trumps anything you've got".
