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There is always a disconnect when it comes to the communications when one is out and the other is at home.
If Mrs Mariner is out, or even away, I pretty much just leave her to it. Have fun, message me if you want (or if you are away, when you can) otherwise have fun and I'll see you when i see you.
If i am out however there reaches a point where the "what are you doing?" "when are you coming home?" messages start. Bear in mind i am never out late because i like to sleep too much, midnight is a huuuge night for me (for that matter i very rarely go out without her, as i would rather drink at my own house). If i go away it's even worse. Messages, calls etc. Fuck, just let me have my fun! I know you miss me, but more importantly have FOMO, but seriously...
It usually starts with the raising of the possibility of plans
Her: I am going out for a drink with the girls on Friday (not the lack of question in that statement)
Me: Sweet, do you want me to drop you at work so you don't have a car?Me: Might go for a beer with the guys on Saturday
Her: oh yea, why? where? how long do you reckon? -
@mariner4life and there's an added bit of spice (in our situation) when the party staying home is also looking after a kid!!
I'm with you. I'm all about go and have fun, do you need a lift, stay safe and catch you later. I don't tend to get reminders while I'm out. But if things are going longer than anticipated I tend to send a text to keep her posted.
But I'm not fucking whipped ok... I'm my own man.. asdhalkiyfaoi...My wife is awesome and beautiful... help me, she's watching me type this!!
lol, I'm rarely out late these days. If I am it's more likely to be a gaming session at my bro-in-laws or a longer gym session than out on the piss.
But in my exp a bit of preemptive contact does the trick. Whether that's fair or not is another conversation!
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@paekakboyz said in Back for more!:
@mariner4life and there's an added bit of spice (in our situation) when the party staying home is also looking after a kid!!
I'm with you. I'm all about go and have fun, do you need a lift, stay safe and catch you later. I don't get the reminders while I'm out but like you that's not often too late, more likely to be a gaming session at my brother in laws or a longer gym session than out on the piss.
yea yea you're better than us
Yea, being left at home with the boys is probably part of it. I am more used to the solo-parent lark than she is.
It might also be that i so rarely do it, that it comes as a shock to the system!
The main issue is for my mental health i sort of need to spend time around other people, where as she is the complete opposite, and needs her quiet alone time. So we have a run of staying home, not seeing people, which is great for her, but i can feel myself getting down because of it. We are both aware of that though, and have talked it through. It came to a head a couple of months ago, where i cancelled some plans to stay home with her, and she proceeded to spend the arvo in our room watching TV on her phone and chilling out. That pissed me off.
Sorry Nick, we have completely taken over your training thread!! Rename it the Fern Mental Health thread. Vent to feel better!
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@mariner4life said in Back for more!:
There is always a disconnect when it comes to the communications when one is out and the other is at home.
If Mrs Mariner is out, or even away, I pretty much just leave her to it. Have fun, message me if you want (or if you are away, when you can) otherwise have fun and I'll see you when i see you.
If i am out however there reaches a point where the "what are you doing?" "when are you coming home?" messages start. Bear in mind i am never out late because i like to sleep too much, midnight is a huuuge night for me (for that matter i very rarely go out without her, as i would rather drink at my own house). If i go away it's even worse. Messages, calls etc. Fuck, just let me have my fun! I know you miss me, but more importantly have FOMO, but seriously...
It usually starts with the raising of the possibility of plans
Her: I am going out for a drink with the girls on Friday (not the lack of question in that statement)
Me: Sweet, do you want me to drop you at work so you don't have a car?Me: Might go for a beer with the guys on Saturday
Her: oh yea, why? where? how long do you reckon?I think it's simply a case of her being concerned that you'll blow a mortgage payment down at the rippers.
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@mariner4life said in Back for more!:
@paekakboyz said in Back for more!:
@mariner4life and there's an added bit of spice (in our situation) when the party staying home is also looking after a kid!!
I'm with you. I'm all about go and have fun, do you need a lift, stay safe and catch you later. I don't get the reminders while I'm out but like you that's not often too late, more likely to be a gaming session at my brother in laws or a longer gym session than out on the piss.
yea yea you're better than us
Yea, being left at home with the boys is probably part of it. I am more used to the solo-parent lark than she is.
It might also be that i so rarely do it, that it comes as a shock to the system!
The main issue is for my mental health i sort of need to spend time around other people, where as she is the complete opposite, and needs her quiet alone time. So we have a run of staying home, not seeing people, which is great for her, but i can feel myself getting down because of it. We are both aware of that though, and have talked it through. It came to a head a couple of months ago, where i cancelled some plans to stay home with her, and she proceeded to spend the arvo in our room watching TV on her phone and chilling out. That pissed me off.
Sorry Nick, we have completely taken over your training thread!! Rename it the Fern Mental Health thread. Vent to feel better!
Can I get that on a plaque!! ha ha absolutely zero claims to being any better - which I know is in there along with the bants
plus I don't think I could handle a dildo half as well as you 
Alongside geeing @NTA with his training this is an epic thread. I'm pretty much nodding along with the various scenarios we are all living through - and picking up some good tips, annnnnd maybe a few work on's. Like booking in that pole dancing and massage class with my highschool ex!!
Big ups @NTA we wouldn't be having these conversations if you hadn't raised it - and holy shit this stuff is important to discuss
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ha ha RS already in!!
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@paekakboyz said in Back for more!:
ha ha RS already in!!
This is where all the fun is!
In all seriousness, one thing I hate is if someone (whether a partner, friend, parent whatever) is pissed off with you or giving you the cold shoulder and won't reveal why. Just say why you're having a tanty ffs. Is that so hard? Obviously it is for some (many?). Ultimately talking about it will clear the air, even if it does lead to confrontation and possibly yelling in the short-term. Better to get it out now rather than allow it to fester.
As for going out. My wife was always cool about it (as was I). Not sure what the new partner is like, but I'll be more than happy for her to go out with the girls.
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@rancid-schnitzel but better when she gets the girls out aye!! Giggity!!
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@paekakboyz said in Back for more!:
@rancid-schnitzel but better when she gets the girls out aye!! Giggity!!
on camera
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My high school ex messaged me last week out of the blue actually. bit of a chat.
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@paekakboyz said in Back for more!:
@rancid-schnitzel but better when she gets the girls out aye!! Giggity!!
I suspect somebody needs a bit more lovin!
Know how that is. The worst thing is that once you get to the promised land (after what seems like years in exile) you blow your payload in record time. Not exactly ideal for either party. Bit of a vicious cycle really. Can get mechanical and ultimately very unsatisfying. Not good that.
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@mariner4life said in Back for more!:
My high school ex messaged me last week out of the blue actually. bit of a chat.
Years ago I mentioned my ex from Uni had emailed me out of the blue - and that I replied. That was well before we were married tho so I feel Mrs TA's reaction was warranted at the time... I thawed out eventually.
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No problems having the thread run in two directions - after all there's no point being fit if you're too fucking anxious to enjoy the benefits.
The anxiety that I've mostly become convinced is the cause of my erectile issues is at the core of everything I've been doing the last few months e.g. over-analysing what everything means in the marriage, and not being able to simply sit back and just concentrate on my own enjoyment.
Rugby season finishing and leaving me with free time probably hasn't helped
Last night when she was out with her friends, I didn't message her once. We have an app that tracks both of us and the boy, so that we can see who is still at work or school when stuff needs to get done. I checked it a couple of times to make sure she got to the venue, and see when she was coming home so I could turn outside lights on etc.
Going back a month or two, I'd be looking at it all the time and checking stuff, asking her how long she'd be, and SMSing her random shit just to feel like I'm in touch with things - that is the anxiety cranked up to 12. I've found a few methods and resources to help with that:
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The psych was a good starting point, mainly for reassurance that the physical issues and mental issues are normal. Happens a lot, to anyone, and isn't always easy to sort out. What you need to do is look at your individual situation, and start applying techniques to deal with that.
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I found a couple of videos on YouTube based around self-hypnosis and dealing with anxiety generally, and ED in particular. One video by an Aussie guy deals with "Nice Guy Syndrome", which broadly covers being overly agreeable, or overly available to people, then getting pissed off that they're not returning the favour.
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Learning how to play the game at work. TBH I'm a fairly lazy person when it comes to work. I know how to do shit other people don't know, and I just want to get praised/paid for my brilliance. I rarely do 40 hours solid yakka in a week, and came the understand long ago that "career" is just not my thing. Neither am I one of those fluffybunnies who wave their arms in the air about how busy they are, and achieve nothing but problems for others (i.e. my previous management). Anyway, lately I've been getting inside the head of my boss about what he wants to see. Turns out that its partly work, but mostly good communication. Easy.
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@mariner4life said in Back for more!:
The main issue is for my mental health i sort of need to spend time around other people
This is the thing about Pilates Friend - she's one of the few women* I talk to who isn't a relative, has nothing to do with work, and knows me from another time in my life. Brings another slant to the discussion, though her different personality traits need to be considered against the wife's when it comes to what advice is taken on board.
"Stop over-analysing all your shit" was good.
"Can you do the Scottish accent from Outlander again? And wear a kilt" was probably bad
*Other female friends tend to be Mrs TA's friends, and I don't see them much because we're short on babysitters since The Dementor fell down in the brain.
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@mariner4life said in Back for more!:
My high school ex messaged me last week out of the blue actually. bit of a chat.
The restraining order finally ran out?
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@mariner4life said in Back for more!:
My high school ex messaged me last week out of the blue actually. bit of a chat.
By high school ex, do you mean girl you dated in high school or girl who gave you a lap dance while you were in high school?
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@rancid-schnitzel said in Back for more!:
@mariner4life said in Back for more!:
My high school ex messaged me last week out of the blue actually. bit of a chat.
By high school ex, do you mean girl you dated in high school or girl who gave you a lap dance while you were in high school?
Wouldn’t she be in high school?
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@jegga said in Back for more!:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Back for more!:
@mariner4life said in Back for more!:
My high school ex messaged me last week out of the blue actually. bit of a chat.
By high school ex, do you mean girl you dated in high school or girl who gave you a lap dance while you were in high school?
Wouldn’t she be in high school?
Possibly. Only dildo mouth can tell you that.
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@jegga why are your posts always about tying people up??
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@paekakboyz said in Back for more!:
@jegga why are your posts always about tying people up??
Um what?
