The Silver Fern

@voodoo if anything it’s a compliment. a shit Richie McCaw > good Peter O’Mahony QED.

Cane showed the mouthy Irish git exactly that in the QF. He was immense that night, inviting reasonable comparison with the Incomparable. Takes some going to make the ludicrous a serious consideration, even for just a game.

Go well, Sam Cane. They asked the impossible of you: leave the jersey better than you found it. You failed gloriously, honourably. Coming up to the scratch over and over, seemingly undaunted by the heavy yolk of your responsibility. Unbowed by a broken neck, still less the critics’ ludicrous, invidious comparisons.

Each of the 99 times you toed the mark reducing the awful weight of that famous jersey for the next few men to shoulder.

Haven’t read the thread.

Just back from the match. Hope you all enjoyed it as much as we did.

From where we were sitting ABs’ big dogs (Cane, Savea, BBR, Smith, RM & no 1 Barrett) all lifted to an intensity a fairly obviously tired Irish team couldn’t match.

You were noticeably faster to the breakdown and really slowed their ruck speed.

You kicked much better (apart from one truly dogshit clearance by Barrett major about 5 before the end.

And you dominated their lineout.

On top of all that, Barnes finally started penalizing porter for his bullshit - though there were at least 2 scrums where Barnes let him get away with worse.

On that performance, even a team without French doors for props will struggle to beat you.

Seems as good a place as any for my favourite rugby great interaction of this RWC. As we’re leaving SDF one night, there’s a huge crowd waiting to take pictures with one former AB.

Hoping it was Sir Richie, I take my boys over. Quelle bloody surprise, it’s the Beaver. He was being a real gent. All the time in the world for everyone.

Standing a little way off is a big fella, chainsmoking. So I leave my boys to get their picture and shake the great angler’s hand, to join this fella for a cheeky sport stick.

It’s Jerome Fucking Kaino. Says it’s always like this.

Come to think of it, we met a fairly decent backrow over the course of our 10 days: Richard Hill, Jerome Kaino, Skinstad and Leguizamon. No out and out openside, but I’d take my chances.

@Snowy Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and rush defence...rush defence and surprise.... Our two weapons are rush defence and surprise...and flukey interceptions.... Our three weapons are rush defence, and surprise, and flukey interceptions...and an almost fanatical devotion to the drop goal.... Our four...no... Amongst our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as rush defence, surprise.... I'll come in again. (Exit and exeunt)

@Bovidae can hardly believe forgiving you all are. France ignominiously dumped you out of two RWCs. If my sins roll me down the Karmic wheel to AB supporter, you best believe I’d never want their sardonic, gauloise stained fingers anywhere near Bill. Scraping past them at home with an amateur angler at 10 wouldn’t nearly quench my thirst for revenge.

Give yourselves a blindside Shelford King hit to the chops, sew your sacks back up and fuck the bid rigging, ref riding, jammy snail botherers.

The Irish can also get to fuck. Uppity beggar thy neighbour Eurowindfall fuckers, they overrate their rugby players almost as much as their poets. If there’s one thing the miserable Scots might be good for its scuttling Irish hopes in the pool.

England? Fuck off. England coached by Eddie Jones? Fail to advance from the pool because of Japan’s superior discipline record seems fitting.

Welshman are awesome, but they should brag more about their poets and less about their rugby team. They can all take a nice long drink of warm Brains-rattled-by-Wiese-securing-his-lineouts-Ale.

Samoa need to pay for what they did to Chester Williams in 95. No amount of crushing Hougard in 2003 makes up for it.

Japan have had their rugby miracle. They’re welcome. You all are. But the greedy fuckers can fuck off.

A lot to admire about Argentinian rugby. Give the scrum its rightful pride of place. Hard forwards combining with skilful backs all playing with passion and an innate sense of space and timing. Who gives a shit? They’re not the boks so they can lose in the quarters 0-3 and scurry back to their polo and fincas.

In a just world the Aussies’ union is dissolved by order of the International Criminal Court for failing to deliver Nic White’s moustache up to account for his shit playacting. And for inflicting Bill Young on international scrums. But I’d settle for them never winning another World Cup.

So, if the course of history doesn’t bend to Justice next year, then the least awful alternative is the ABs. The titanic struggle for Rugby’s soul demands a Nemesis ominously powerful, snaking trophies by occult practices too awful to contemplate. Then give us a test series in 2024 to avenge 96. Doesn’t seem like much to ask, really.

Day of the 07 final we’re smashing overpriced Kronenberg’s on the Champs Elise when a London double decker rolls up filled with the worst of middle england and Sir Bloody Clive on a microphone on the top deck.

My little boet runs out and calls out in his best Etonian: Sir Clive, Sir Clive?!

Cliveward leans out to have a chat with his adoring public and the little legend lands the unanswerable: Go fuck yourself.

Amongst the roaring laughter, the sad twat’s (probably piss weak) reply was lost.

@Smuts said in Rugby World Cup general discussion:

In a fit of enthusiasm I’ve pulled the trigger on taking my two lads (12 & eight) to the Paris quarters & semis.

Welcome suggestions on a rugby bucket list. So far I’ve got:

• tell Sir Clive flaccidward to GFH
• start a spontaneous touch game
• congratulate Barnes on his fine reffing in the 07 QF
• teach a hot, overemotional fan to spin pass
• swap jerseys with a kiwi/French kid
• sidestep a gendarme
• have a yarn with a former great (anyone know if Glenn Osbourne’s gonna be kicking around?)
• get interviewed by a TV reporter
• meet some players in this years tourney
• remind Former player of the RWC and wallaby legend Timmmy Horan that he’s the master of the marginally forward pass
• make a pact

Also taking suggestions on their fancy dress for the Scotland France QF

Finally on the road to recovery after an epic French escapade. So. How’d we do?

• tell Sir Clive flaccidward to GFH
  Fail - couldn’t find the fluffybunny

• start a spontaneous touch game
  Great success! Started one under the Arc de Triomph, a bunch at the stadium and one memorable game with a group of girl scouts before St Sulpice (also bribed them to boo every English supporter who came by)

• congratulate Barnes on his fine reffing in the 07 QF
  Fail - couldn’t find the good kant

• teach a hot, overemotional fan to spin pass
  Great success! Irish, Argie and French lasses left purring

• swap jerseys with a kiwi/French kid
  Great success! My insufferable behaviour left a swathe of French fans in tears on the whistle of the frog v bok QF.

If I had a heart I would’ve been moved to tears, but instead I offered my lucky 07 Frans Steyn bok jersey to one especially devastated young fella. He told me to fuck my jersey, fuck the boks and especially to fuck myself.

Luckily his two fetching young friends were keen to see me shirtless and accepted the jumper that saw the boks win in 07 & 2009 on his behalf. A few days later he sent me his lucky France Grand Slam jersey, promising to wear his new Jersey for the England semi. He was as good as his word and I went to the semi undercover: cloaked in my new lucky jersey. Rest is history. (Well almost, some overrefreshed bok fan tried to fight me in the stadium - can’t take okes out of Welkom.)

• sidestep a gendarme
  Great success. They’re ballwatchers.

• have a yarn with a former great (anyone know if Glenn Osbourne’s gonna be kicking around?)
  Great Success - see other posts.

• get interviewed by a TV reporter
  Great Success! Boys got interviewed by the lass from your Breakdown. The less said about my early Sunday am interview by the lass from RNZ the better.

• meet some players in this years tourney
  Great success! See my new profile pic (as soon as I’ve figured out how to change it)

• remind Former player of the RWC and wallaby legend Timmmy Horan that he’s the master of the marginally forward pass
  Fail - couldn’t find the magical little fluffybunny.

• make a pact
  Great success! Swore to act like world champions. Boys were as good as their word.

Also taking suggestions on their fancy dress for the Scotland France QF

Boys chose to go as Johnny fucking disgrace (again will try to figure out how to post)

Great test match. Outstanding performances all over the park for the forces of darkness. Ardie, Whitelock and especially Mounga.

Enjoy it. I’m going to go and smash something.

@Derm-McCrum said in RWC QF: All Blacks v Ireland:

What can I say except well done New Zealand.

My heart goes out to our wonderful Ireland team but they didn’t have enough against a simply superlative NZ team.

Congrats guys.

That’s classy. As many, many of your countrymen were tonight.

You’ve every reason to be proud of this team. They showed a helluva lot of heart fighting back into the game. But the forces of darkness ripping your heart out of your chest is a cruel but crucial part of the rugby gods’ plan.

@Jailbreak7 said in RWC Final: All Blacks v Springboks:

@Dodge said in RWC Final: All Blacks v Springboks:

I mean, no one has said it that I’ve seen, but the Boks are fucking roided up to the nuts, their coaches cheat with HIAs, their coaches attack referees, their players are mostly fluffybunnies, there isn’t a single neutral fan who wants them to win.

Beautiful. About time someone said this.

Doesn’t go far enough. I heard they’re mean to small animals and break children’s toys. They also cheat at golf and park in handicap spaces.

Worst of all, they play rugby to win not to entertain other countries’ casual fans. Scum.

Rassie took that pool loss personal.

Naming an unchanged squad is a statement of intent. It’s also a message to the Irish that they didn’t put a dent in the boks.

Underlines how hard the boks fucked the Irish up physically. Sadly, Sheehan and Casey are out of the tour. The hooker tore his ACL, poor bastard. While the promising little 9 got concussed meeting RG coming the wrong way.

The butcher’s bill also includes
Henshaw (concussed himself trying to hit Kolisi high and without arms), Aki (fucked his shoulder persistently refusing to use his arms in the tackle), Porter (tore the webbing between in his thumb and forefinger engaging in unspecified, but likely unspeakable, skullduggery somehow involving PSTd's jersey) and finally, Lowe and Osborne (suspiciously convenient high groin strains. Dollars to donuts the Irish physio is as hot as the boks’ - relative to the competition in Dublin.)

The contrasting injury profiles may also say something about the strategic value of bringing 6 forward subs on at 50 minutes.

All that aside, it makes sense to let the same team keep working on tuning up Brown’s new attack structure. While you’d expect the attack to keep improving, I’m hoping the boks mix in more of their territorial/pressure tactics this week. The game was crying out for it in the second half last week. Seemed that the boks were deliberately not clutching their safety blanket.

At least I hope so, because King’s Park is the boks most pregnable fortress.

Too many nightmares of the boks getting pumped by the ABs, Aussies, France and even the Argies in front of shit Durban crowds.

So many I had to reassure myself by checking the record books. Ireland lost their only game in Durban 12-10 thanks to 4 Naas dropgoals.

The Irish Provinces have lost five of their seven games there despite the Sharks being the worst coach team in the URC.

The Lions also caught a fat smack at Kings Park in the first test in 2009* when the Beast alongside Smit at TH fucked up the Lions’ scrum.

True Rugby lovers will be hoping for a similar scrumming masterclass on Sat.

*thankfully I’ve got no memory of the 97 Lions test. Or rather, my only memories are of breaking the transistor radio after Joubert’s 3rd missed kick.

Tough loss. Thought your youngsters up front fronted up big time. Vaa’i, Sititi and Williams all excellent. Taylor had the best game I’ve seen from him. Ardie was a menace too - pity about the maul drop.

The losing of that game was your outside back selections. Both wings had mares under the highball and should’ve been victimized in defence if our centres and WLR were any bloody use.

Still, you were within a gnat’s ball hair of winning that game. Which is annoyingly impressive given where you are in your team’s development cycle and the sometimes frustratingly clumsy pressure the boks’ applied.

For us though, it’s sweet to finally steal a few of these matches from the ABs at the death. Very sweet.

@mariner4life bang on. All 3 posts. This feels like the logical end point of your 1st round win in 2019. A team reliant on sensational individual moments from its outside backs.

You got two solid forward carries both in the first half. One from a prop early on and one from Scott Barrett who had his best game in black that I can remember. But both him and this iteration of Cane are just short of test quality. ST and Ardie were class.

From an outside perspective, I can’t see what Akira offers. But whatever it is, it isn’t enough to overcome the lack of balance in your loose trio.

Thoroughly enjoyed Cole’s work. Hands like two bags of limp dicks. Havilli an answer to a question no one’s asking. And Jordan won’t want to watch that tape ever again.

Thought the red-headed stepchild went well though.

In a fit of enthusiasm I’ve pulled the trigger on taking my two lads (12 & eight) to the Paris quarters & semis.

Welcome suggestions on a rugby bucket list. So far I’ve got:

• tell Sir Clive flaccidward to GFH
• start a spontaneous touch game
• congratulate Barnes on his fine reffing in the 07 QF
• teach a hot, overemotional fan to spin pass
• swap jerseys with a kiwi/French kid
• sidestep a gendarme
• have a yarn with a former great (anyone know if Glenn Osbourne’s gonna be kicking around?)
• get interviewed by a TV reporter
• meet some players in this years tourney
• remind Former player of the RWC and wallaby legend Timmmy Horan that he’s the master of the marginally forward pass
• make a pact

Also taking suggestions on their fancy dress for the Scotland France QF

@chester-draws seeing a lot of posters moaning that ABs stuck with up-tempo, wide attacking approach instead of reverting to a more traditional approach (which I think means establishing forward dominance, playing field position and then going wide after earning the right to do so.)

But without Retallick (and maybe even with him) I’m not sure they could do that. Certainly on the evidence of this test, the ABs aren’t establishing forward dominance over this bok pack (and probably a fair few other international packs.)

Their strategy brought them 6 tries and a host of other near-tries. 99/100 that’s going to be more than enough. But for Dyantyi’s finger-tip it was a gnat’s ballhair away from being enough in this game.

Given relative strengths of this AB squad I’d not be spending too much time worrying that this team doesn’t play old-school rugby.

@junior oh, I wasn’t talking about the Springboks. Everyone knows their complaints about reffing are righteous.

@booboo reading that back, I’m pretty excited about this team. The comparisons are to give you a sense of what kind of player they may become if they reach their potential. Time will tell and your mileage may vary.

Obviously, this many debutants and relative newcomers raises the question of whether the team has enough old heads to allow them to settle. That’s probably why I’m much more worried about Mirrors Kriel and Elstadt than any of the new faces. We know their ceiling which is not nearly good enough to put up with their floor.

14. Kurt-Lee Arendse: Kolbe doppelgänger. Coming out of an unfashionable high school and university he forced his way into rep sides but still had to sneak into pro rugby through the backdoor: varsity sevens performances earned him a blitzbok spot which got the Bulls calling. For a small man he is surprisingly safe under the high ball and solid on defence. And on attack? Like an electric eel dipped in vaseline. Very keen to see how he goes against Evans, whose fairly handy himself.

15. Nthuko Mchunu: explosive loosehead. At just 23 and having only moved into the frontrow in his final year at Maritzburg College, you might wonder how he scrums. Bloody well, so far. Another step up on the weekend, though. Expect it to go well with Karl Marx and Koch battering away alongside him. But it’s his work around the park that makes him special. He can really shift and makes more than his share of tackles.

16. Ruan Nortje: long, thin Bulls lock. Think Mostert but longer. From what I’ve seen of him he’s the rugby equivalent of pepsi. Serviceable, if you’re desperately looking for something to mix with Brannewyn at 3 am and some other bastards drank all the coke and ginger ale. But you wouldn’t ask for it and 9/10 you’ll refuse it if you were just looking for a thirst quenching cola product.

17. Deon Fourie: like a reverse Mealamu. Retreaded from hooker to openside finally called up for higher honours after a long and otherwise unstoried career. Also, not a kiwi.

Face looks more and more like a heavily used catcher’s mitt with every game though - in that way he’s exactly like ol’ Kev.

22. Grant Williams: nippy scrummie. In fact, nippy doesn’t do him justice. Faster than shit off a hot shovel. Serious Reinach vibes. Hope I’m wrong.

If you’ve read this far, let me close by saying that the real affront to the Welsh is starting Spiele Kriel and having Elstadt within 50 miles of the stadium. And of course, the All Blacks must be destroyed.

Squidge is great. Wish we had more like him - the sort of guy that keeps your school 6th team going. Always finding the 16a guys who have a bye, the firsts destined player who is slowly coming back from a devastating injury, inventing moves that the whole school will be using soon, always organizing touch in the summer and chatting with the school stars on little tweaks they should make to their game but will ignore.

But this video is why they ignore him: it’s no devastating insight to say run off shoulders, pop off the deck and look to maintain continuity.

A very, very good game by the ABs. Enjoy it.

I’ll be absolutely gobsmacked if @Jet doesn’t win this one …