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Back to the story: tonight was body weight night.
Did something a bit different for chinups - one supine grip, followed immediately by one neutral grip, followed immediately by one pronated grip.
Repeat after a short rest for 5 sets. I tried changing grips while ON the bars, but not quite strong enough for that.
After that, 5 sets of 10 pushups while watching The Hateful Eight which is a drawn-out excuse for Tarantino to use the word "nigger" repeatedly, judging by the first 2 hours.
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@nta said in Back for more!:
@Catogrande @Rancid-Schnitzel duh
Nah seriously - and related to the men's health issues - and a bit of a rant: it was a bit of pride talking, asking her why the whole relationship only seemed to be going one way e.g. why I'm the one initiating all the affection / sex / dinners / nights out. If she's not cancelling things because she feels guilty about not spending enough time at work, that is.
Side note: we'd planned to have our anniversary (a Friday) together, and even though she was on the bleed, we'd have a nice lunch and spend some time together without having other issues around. But no: she booked her Mum's MRI scan the Monday of that week, then took the Wednesday "working" from home because it was a billing cycle and she could concentrate better at home than in the office. While watching 6 episodes of something on Netflix, according to the account history.
So our anniversary lunch got shelved, basically. I've tried to organise other date nights, but they turned into a quick lunch on a work-from-home day because again: work trumps me.
I'd also point out that it is particularly galling when I'm getting back in shape, to the point where people at work give me more compliments than my own wife. Jeez the old high school friend I go to Pilates with was complimenting my new FB profile pic - and even tho I'm not the finished product, I'm doing OK. Here is me with my bro down at Darling Harbour on Sunday:
Haaaaaaaaaaaa!
Anyway, we've had over a year now of her Mum's dementia bullshit, and I am getting tired of "I'm just numb" being used as an excuse, particularly when a few glasses of wine or a night out with her mates tends to sort the "numb" right the fuck out.
So I showed her this article, prefacing it with "It isn't a laundry list or list of demands - but some of this stuff resonated with me and I'd like your thoughts".
(Warm up the hand grenade, Jeffrey)
Long Story Short: tears; accusations of me never being satisfied; told to leave if I'm not happy; told that she'll leave if I "don't have the balls to leave"; and so on. The whole "get out if you don't like it" threat was a new one, and scared me a bit.
Eventually - once I'd knocked down every argument she put to me - she broke completely and said she wanted her Mum back. And I fully understand of that line of thinking. My old man will be gone 5 years as of next week. I didn't see him as much as she saw her Mum (her next suburb, my lot interstate), but I still miss the old bastard. Can't do much about it tho, can I?
Watching her Mum die slowly of dementia* is a fucking punish. But that can't be the backdrop of everything else in her life. Kids, work, and a husband to think about. Put that angsty bullshit in a box and get on with what is in front of you.
Additionally, don't try and make it a bad thing that I want to fill the weekends with adventure and activities; life is fucking short, as demonstrated by The Dementor's faculties going in her mid 60s, so get with the program.
Anyway, after 36 hours of frost, we're good again. I even got a hug off her when she got home from work, that I did not need to initiate.
As an old farmer mate of mine said: Women; they're strange cattle.
End rant.
*The Dementor is at the stage now where her short-term memory is utterly fucked. Repeats sentences multiple times in the same period. Still got a sense of humour, hasn't turned into a drooler yet. It'd be a mercy if she had a huge fucking infarction and saved everyone the trouble of diving further.
Sorry to hear that mate. I kind of had similar experiences. For me, things like affection and sex were pleasurable things that could and should distract you from all that other bullshit in life. A way to escape from all the stress and noise for just a little while (in my case 2 minutes he he). But my wife would very often let work or other stress get in the way of all that. She couldn't separate them for some reason. That made affection or sex an effort or a chore. Never understood it. Not sure if that's common for all females, but obviously both you and I copped it. I would have thought a bit of quality time with the husband and a little bit of sexy time would be a great way to focus on something other than her mum, but as you say, they are very strange cattle. I'm sure your missus will get over it, but hang in there.
You're looking good btw.
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@rancid-schnitzel said in Back for more!:
@nta said in Back for more!:
@Catogrande @Rancid-Schnitzel duh
Nah seriously - and related to the men's health issues - and a bit of a rant: it was a bit of pride talking, asking her why the whole relationship only seemed to be going one way e.g. why I'm the one initiating all the affection / sex / dinners / nights out. If she's not cancelling things because she feels guilty about not spending enough time at work, that is.
Side note: we'd planned to have our anniversary (a Friday) together, and even though she was on the bleed, we'd have a nice lunch and spend some time together without having other issues around. But no: she booked her Mum's MRI scan the Monday of that week, then took the Wednesday "working" from home because it was a billing cycle and she could concentrate better at home than in the office. While watching 6 episodes of something on Netflix, according to the account history.
So our anniversary lunch got shelved, basically. I've tried to organise other date nights, but they turned into a quick lunch on a work-from-home day because again: work trumps me.
I'd also point out that it is particularly galling when I'm getting back in shape, to the point where people at work give me more compliments than my own wife. Jeez the old high school friend I go to Pilates with was complimenting my new FB profile pic - and even tho I'm not the finished product, I'm doing OK. Here is me with my bro down at Darling Harbour on Sunday:
Haaaaaaaaaaaa!
Anyway, we've had over a year now of her Mum's dementia bullshit, and I am getting tired of "I'm just numb" being used as an excuse, particularly when a few glasses of wine or a night out with her mates tends to sort the "numb" right the fuck out.
So I showed her this article, prefacing it with "It isn't a laundry list or list of demands - but some of this stuff resonated with me and I'd like your thoughts".
(Warm up the hand grenade, Jeffrey)
Long Story Short: tears; accusations of me never being satisfied; told to leave if I'm not happy; told that she'll leave if I "don't have the balls to leave"; and so on. The whole "get out if you don't like it" threat was a new one, and scared me a bit.
Eventually - once I'd knocked down every argument she put to me - she broke completely and said she wanted her Mum back. And I fully understand of that line of thinking. My old man will be gone 5 years as of next week. I didn't see him as much as she saw her Mum (her next suburb, my lot interstate), but I still miss the old bastard. Can't do much about it tho, can I?
Watching her Mum die slowly of dementia* is a fucking punish. But that can't be the backdrop of everything else in her life. Kids, work, and a husband to think about. Put that angsty bullshit in a box and get on with what is in front of you.
Additionally, don't try and make it a bad thing that I want to fill the weekends with adventure and activities; life is fucking short, as demonstrated by The Dementor's faculties going in her mid 60s, so get with the program.
Anyway, after 36 hours of frost, we're good again. I even got a hug off her when she got home from work, that I did not need to initiate.
As an old farmer mate of mine said: Women; they're strange cattle.
End rant.
*The Dementor is at the stage now where her short-term memory is utterly fucked. Repeats sentences multiple times in the same period. Still got a sense of humour, hasn't turned into a drooler yet. It'd be a mercy if she had a huge fucking infarction and saved everyone the trouble of diving further.
Sorry to hear that mate. I kind of had similar experiences. For me, things like affection and sex were pleasurable things that could and should distract you from all that other bullshit in life. A way to escape from all the stress and noise for just a little while (in my case 2 minutes he he). But my wife would very often let work or other stress get in the way of all that. She couldn't separate them for some reason. That made affection or sex an effort or a chore. Never understood it. Not sure if that's common for all females, but obviously both you and I copped it. I would have thought a bit of quality time with the husband and a little bit of sexy time would be a great way to focus on something other than her mum, but as you say, they are very strange cattle. I'm sure your missus will get over it, but hang in there.
You're looking good btw.
Looks like you've got a fall back option at any rate Nick.
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@catogrande said in Back for more!:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Back for more!:
@nta said in Back for more!:
@Catogrande @Rancid-Schnitzel duh
Nah seriously - and related to the men's health issues - and a bit of a rant: it was a bit of pride talking, asking her why the whole relationship only seemed to be going one way e.g. why I'm the one initiating all the affection / sex / dinners / nights out. If she's not cancelling things because she feels guilty about not spending enough time at work, that is.
Side note: we'd planned to have our anniversary (a Friday) together, and even though she was on the bleed, we'd have a nice lunch and spend some time together without having other issues around. But no: she booked her Mum's MRI scan the Monday of that week, then took the Wednesday "working" from home because it was a billing cycle and she could concentrate better at home than in the office. While watching 6 episodes of something on Netflix, according to the account history.
So our anniversary lunch got shelved, basically. I've tried to organise other date nights, but they turned into a quick lunch on a work-from-home day because again: work trumps me.
I'd also point out that it is particularly galling when I'm getting back in shape, to the point where people at work give me more compliments than my own wife. Jeez the old high school friend I go to Pilates with was complimenting my new FB profile pic - and even tho I'm not the finished product, I'm doing OK. Here is me with my bro down at Darling Harbour on Sunday:
Haaaaaaaaaaaa!
Anyway, we've had over a year now of her Mum's dementia bullshit, and I am getting tired of "I'm just numb" being used as an excuse, particularly when a few glasses of wine or a night out with her mates tends to sort the "numb" right the fuck out.
So I showed her this article, prefacing it with "It isn't a laundry list or list of demands - but some of this stuff resonated with me and I'd like your thoughts".
(Warm up the hand grenade, Jeffrey)
Long Story Short: tears; accusations of me never being satisfied; told to leave if I'm not happy; told that she'll leave if I "don't have the balls to leave"; and so on. The whole "get out if you don't like it" threat was a new one, and scared me a bit.
Eventually - once I'd knocked down every argument she put to me - she broke completely and said she wanted her Mum back. And I fully understand of that line of thinking. My old man will be gone 5 years as of next week. I didn't see him as much as she saw her Mum (her next suburb, my lot interstate), but I still miss the old bastard. Can't do much about it tho, can I?
Watching her Mum die slowly of dementia* is a fucking punish. But that can't be the backdrop of everything else in her life. Kids, work, and a husband to think about. Put that angsty bullshit in a box and get on with what is in front of you.
Additionally, don't try and make it a bad thing that I want to fill the weekends with adventure and activities; life is fucking short, as demonstrated by The Dementor's faculties going in her mid 60s, so get with the program.
Anyway, after 36 hours of frost, we're good again. I even got a hug off her when she got home from work, that I did not need to initiate.
As an old farmer mate of mine said: Women; they're strange cattle.
End rant.
*The Dementor is at the stage now where her short-term memory is utterly fucked. Repeats sentences multiple times in the same period. Still got a sense of humour, hasn't turned into a drooler yet. It'd be a mercy if she had a huge fucking infarction and saved everyone the trouble of diving further.
Sorry to hear that mate. I kind of had similar experiences. For me, things like affection and sex were pleasurable things that could and should distract you from all that other bullshit in life. A way to escape from all the stress and noise for just a little while (in my case 2 minutes he he). But my wife would very often let work or other stress get in the way of all that. She couldn't separate them for some reason. That made affection or sex an effort or a chore. Never understood it. Not sure if that's common for all females, but obviously both you and I copped it. I would have thought a bit of quality time with the husband and a little bit of sexy time would be a great way to focus on something other than her mum, but as you say, they are very strange cattle. I'm sure your missus will get over it, but hang in there.
You're looking good btw.
Looks like you've got a fall back option at any rate Nick.
Don't tell me you wouldn't have a crack at that if you could get away with it.
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@nta Tough going mate. I think this sort of thing happens to most of us at some time or another. My mate had a similar issue but lacked your "appalling honesty". All he could keep telling his wife was that she "must invest in the relationship". It took her ages to understand that he just wanted a root.
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@rancid-schnitzel said in Back for more!:
@catogrande said in Back for more!:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Back for more!:
@nta said in Back for more!:
@Catogrande @Rancid-Schnitzel duh
Nah seriously - and related to the men's health issues - and a bit of a rant: it was a bit of pride talking, asking her why the whole relationship only seemed to be going one way e.g. why I'm the one initiating all the affection / sex / dinners / nights out. If she's not cancelling things because she feels guilty about not spending enough time at work, that is.
Side note: we'd planned to have our anniversary (a Friday) together, and even though she was on the bleed, we'd have a nice lunch and spend some time together without having other issues around. But no: she booked her Mum's MRI scan the Monday of that week, then took the Wednesday "working" from home because it was a billing cycle and she could concentrate better at home than in the office. While watching 6 episodes of something on Netflix, according to the account history.
So our anniversary lunch got shelved, basically. I've tried to organise other date nights, but they turned into a quick lunch on a work-from-home day because again: work trumps me.
I'd also point out that it is particularly galling when I'm getting back in shape, to the point where people at work give me more compliments than my own wife. Jeez the old high school friend I go to Pilates with was complimenting my new FB profile pic - and even tho I'm not the finished product, I'm doing OK. Here is me with my bro down at Darling Harbour on Sunday:
Haaaaaaaaaaaa!
Anyway, we've had over a year now of her Mum's dementia bullshit, and I am getting tired of "I'm just numb" being used as an excuse, particularly when a few glasses of wine or a night out with her mates tends to sort the "numb" right the fuck out.
So I showed her this article, prefacing it with "It isn't a laundry list or list of demands - but some of this stuff resonated with me and I'd like your thoughts".
(Warm up the hand grenade, Jeffrey)
Long Story Short: tears; accusations of me never being satisfied; told to leave if I'm not happy; told that she'll leave if I "don't have the balls to leave"; and so on. The whole "get out if you don't like it" threat was a new one, and scared me a bit.
Eventually - once I'd knocked down every argument she put to me - she broke completely and said she wanted her Mum back. And I fully understand of that line of thinking. My old man will be gone 5 years as of next week. I didn't see him as much as she saw her Mum (her next suburb, my lot interstate), but I still miss the old bastard. Can't do much about it tho, can I?
Watching her Mum die slowly of dementia* is a fucking punish. But that can't be the backdrop of everything else in her life. Kids, work, and a husband to think about. Put that angsty bullshit in a box and get on with what is in front of you.
Additionally, don't try and make it a bad thing that I want to fill the weekends with adventure and activities; life is fucking short, as demonstrated by The Dementor's faculties going in her mid 60s, so get with the program.
Anyway, after 36 hours of frost, we're good again. I even got a hug off her when she got home from work, that I did not need to initiate.
As an old farmer mate of mine said: Women; they're strange cattle.
End rant.
*The Dementor is at the stage now where her short-term memory is utterly fucked. Repeats sentences multiple times in the same period. Still got a sense of humour, hasn't turned into a drooler yet. It'd be a mercy if she had a huge fucking infarction and saved everyone the trouble of diving further.
Sorry to hear that mate. I kind of had similar experiences. For me, things like affection and sex were pleasurable things that could and should distract you from all that other bullshit in life. A way to escape from all the stress and noise for just a little while (in my case 2 minutes he he). But my wife would very often let work or other stress get in the way of all that. She couldn't separate them for some reason. That made affection or sex an effort or a chore. Never understood it. Not sure if that's common for all females, but obviously both you and I copped it. I would have thought a bit of quality time with the husband and a little bit of sexy time would be a great way to focus on something other than her mum, but as you say, they are very strange cattle. I'm sure your missus will get over it, but hang in there.
You're looking good btw.
Looks like you've got a fall back option at any rate Nick.
Don't tell me you wouldn't have a crack at that if you could get away with it.
Less so once he breathes again and lets it all go.
-
@catogrande said in Back for more!:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Back for more!:
@catogrande said in Back for more!:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Back for more!:
@nta said in Back for more!:
@Catogrande @Rancid-Schnitzel duh
Nah seriously - and related to the men's health issues - and a bit of a rant: it was a bit of pride talking, asking her why the whole relationship only seemed to be going one way e.g. why I'm the one initiating all the affection / sex / dinners / nights out. If she's not cancelling things because she feels guilty about not spending enough time at work, that is.
Side note: we'd planned to have our anniversary (a Friday) together, and even though she was on the bleed, we'd have a nice lunch and spend some time together without having other issues around. But no: she booked her Mum's MRI scan the Monday of that week, then took the Wednesday "working" from home because it was a billing cycle and she could concentrate better at home than in the office. While watching 6 episodes of something on Netflix, according to the account history.
So our anniversary lunch got shelved, basically. I've tried to organise other date nights, but they turned into a quick lunch on a work-from-home day because again: work trumps me.
I'd also point out that it is particularly galling when I'm getting back in shape, to the point where people at work give me more compliments than my own wife. Jeez the old high school friend I go to Pilates with was complimenting my new FB profile pic - and even tho I'm not the finished product, I'm doing OK. Here is me with my bro down at Darling Harbour on Sunday:
Haaaaaaaaaaaa!
Anyway, we've had over a year now of her Mum's dementia bullshit, and I am getting tired of "I'm just numb" being used as an excuse, particularly when a few glasses of wine or a night out with her mates tends to sort the "numb" right the fuck out.
So I showed her this article, prefacing it with "It isn't a laundry list or list of demands - but some of this stuff resonated with me and I'd like your thoughts".
(Warm up the hand grenade, Jeffrey)
Long Story Short: tears; accusations of me never being satisfied; told to leave if I'm not happy; told that she'll leave if I "don't have the balls to leave"; and so on. The whole "get out if you don't like it" threat was a new one, and scared me a bit.
Eventually - once I'd knocked down every argument she put to me - she broke completely and said she wanted her Mum back. And I fully understand of that line of thinking. My old man will be gone 5 years as of next week. I didn't see him as much as she saw her Mum (her next suburb, my lot interstate), but I still miss the old bastard. Can't do much about it tho, can I?
Watching her Mum die slowly of dementia* is a fucking punish. But that can't be the backdrop of everything else in her life. Kids, work, and a husband to think about. Put that angsty bullshit in a box and get on with what is in front of you.
Additionally, don't try and make it a bad thing that I want to fill the weekends with adventure and activities; life is fucking short, as demonstrated by The Dementor's faculties going in her mid 60s, so get with the program.
Anyway, after 36 hours of frost, we're good again. I even got a hug off her when she got home from work, that I did not need to initiate.
As an old farmer mate of mine said: Women; they're strange cattle.
End rant.
*The Dementor is at the stage now where her short-term memory is utterly fucked. Repeats sentences multiple times in the same period. Still got a sense of humour, hasn't turned into a drooler yet. It'd be a mercy if she had a huge fucking infarction and saved everyone the trouble of diving further.
Sorry to hear that mate. I kind of had similar experiences. For me, things like affection and sex were pleasurable things that could and should distract you from all that other bullshit in life. A way to escape from all the stress and noise for just a little while (in my case 2 minutes he he). But my wife would very often let work or other stress get in the way of all that. She couldn't separate them for some reason. That made affection or sex an effort or a chore. Never understood it. Not sure if that's common for all females, but obviously both you and I copped it. I would have thought a bit of quality time with the husband and a little bit of sexy time would be a great way to focus on something other than her mum, but as you say, they are very strange cattle. I'm sure your missus will get over it, but hang in there.
You're looking good btw.
Looks like you've got a fall back option at any rate Nick.
Don't tell me you wouldn't have a crack at that if you could get away with it.
Less so once he breathes again and lets it all go.
That corset might be sexy.
-
@crucial said in Back for more!:
@catogrande said in Back for more!:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Back for more!:
@catogrande said in Back for more!:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Back for more!:
@nta said in Back for more!:
@Catogrande @Rancid-Schnitzel duh
Nah seriously - and related to the men's health issues - and a bit of a rant: it was a bit of pride talking, asking her why the whole relationship only seemed to be going one way e.g. why I'm the one initiating all the affection / sex / dinners / nights out. If she's not cancelling things because she feels guilty about not spending enough time at work, that is.
Side note: we'd planned to have our anniversary (a Friday) together, and even though she was on the bleed, we'd have a nice lunch and spend some time together without having other issues around. But no: she booked her Mum's MRI scan the Monday of that week, then took the Wednesday "working" from home because it was a billing cycle and she could concentrate better at home than in the office. While watching 6 episodes of something on Netflix, according to the account history.
So our anniversary lunch got shelved, basically. I've tried to organise other date nights, but they turned into a quick lunch on a work-from-home day because again: work trumps me.
I'd also point out that it is particularly galling when I'm getting back in shape, to the point where people at work give me more compliments than my own wife. Jeez the old high school friend I go to Pilates with was complimenting my new FB profile pic - and even tho I'm not the finished product, I'm doing OK. Here is me with my bro down at Darling Harbour on Sunday:
Haaaaaaaaaaaa!
Anyway, we've had over a year now of her Mum's dementia bullshit, and I am getting tired of "I'm just numb" being used as an excuse, particularly when a few glasses of wine or a night out with her mates tends to sort the "numb" right the fuck out.
So I showed her this article, prefacing it with "It isn't a laundry list or list of demands - but some of this stuff resonated with me and I'd like your thoughts".
(Warm up the hand grenade, Jeffrey)
Long Story Short: tears; accusations of me never being satisfied; told to leave if I'm not happy; told that she'll leave if I "don't have the balls to leave"; and so on. The whole "get out if you don't like it" threat was a new one, and scared me a bit.
Eventually - once I'd knocked down every argument she put to me - she broke completely and said she wanted her Mum back. And I fully understand of that line of thinking. My old man will be gone 5 years as of next week. I didn't see him as much as she saw her Mum (her next suburb, my lot interstate), but I still miss the old bastard. Can't do much about it tho, can I?
Watching her Mum die slowly of dementia* is a fucking punish. But that can't be the backdrop of everything else in her life. Kids, work, and a husband to think about. Put that angsty bullshit in a box and get on with what is in front of you.
Additionally, don't try and make it a bad thing that I want to fill the weekends with adventure and activities; life is fucking short, as demonstrated by The Dementor's faculties going in her mid 60s, so get with the program.
Anyway, after 36 hours of frost, we're good again. I even got a hug off her when she got home from work, that I did not need to initiate.
As an old farmer mate of mine said: Women; they're strange cattle.
End rant.
*The Dementor is at the stage now where her short-term memory is utterly fucked. Repeats sentences multiple times in the same period. Still got a sense of humour, hasn't turned into a drooler yet. It'd be a mercy if she had a huge fucking infarction and saved everyone the trouble of diving further.
Sorry to hear that mate. I kind of had similar experiences. For me, things like affection and sex were pleasurable things that could and should distract you from all that other bullshit in life. A way to escape from all the stress and noise for just a little while (in my case 2 minutes he he). But my wife would very often let work or other stress get in the way of all that. She couldn't separate them for some reason. That made affection or sex an effort or a chore. Never understood it. Not sure if that's common for all females, but obviously both you and I copped it. I would have thought a bit of quality time with the husband and a little bit of sexy time would be a great way to focus on something other than her mum, but as you say, they are very strange cattle. I'm sure your missus will get over it, but hang in there.
You're looking good btw.
Looks like you've got a fall back option at any rate Nick.
Don't tell me you wouldn't have a crack at that if you could get away with it.
Less so once he breathes again and lets it all go.
That corset might be sexy.
"might"
-
@catogrande said in Back for more!:
@crucial said in Back for more!:
@catogrande said in Back for more!:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Back for more!:
@catogrande said in Back for more!:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Back for more!:
@nta said in Back for more!:
@Catogrande @Rancid-Schnitzel duh
Nah seriously - and related to the men's health issues - and a bit of a rant: it was a bit of pride talking, asking her why the whole relationship only seemed to be going one way e.g. why I'm the one initiating all the affection / sex / dinners / nights out. If she's not cancelling things because she feels guilty about not spending enough time at work, that is.
Side note: we'd planned to have our anniversary (a Friday) together, and even though she was on the bleed, we'd have a nice lunch and spend some time together without having other issues around. But no: she booked her Mum's MRI scan the Monday of that week, then took the Wednesday "working" from home because it was a billing cycle and she could concentrate better at home than in the office. While watching 6 episodes of something on Netflix, according to the account history.
So our anniversary lunch got shelved, basically. I've tried to organise other date nights, but they turned into a quick lunch on a work-from-home day because again: work trumps me.
I'd also point out that it is particularly galling when I'm getting back in shape, to the point where people at work give me more compliments than my own wife. Jeez the old high school friend I go to Pilates with was complimenting my new FB profile pic - and even tho I'm not the finished product, I'm doing OK. Here is me with my bro down at Darling Harbour on Sunday:
Haaaaaaaaaaaa!
Anyway, we've had over a year now of her Mum's dementia bullshit, and I am getting tired of "I'm just numb" being used as an excuse, particularly when a few glasses of wine or a night out with her mates tends to sort the "numb" right the fuck out.
So I showed her this article, prefacing it with "It isn't a laundry list or list of demands - but some of this stuff resonated with me and I'd like your thoughts".
(Warm up the hand grenade, Jeffrey)
Long Story Short: tears; accusations of me never being satisfied; told to leave if I'm not happy; told that she'll leave if I "don't have the balls to leave"; and so on. The whole "get out if you don't like it" threat was a new one, and scared me a bit.
Eventually - once I'd knocked down every argument she put to me - she broke completely and said she wanted her Mum back. And I fully understand of that line of thinking. My old man will be gone 5 years as of next week. I didn't see him as much as she saw her Mum (her next suburb, my lot interstate), but I still miss the old bastard. Can't do much about it tho, can I?
Watching her Mum die slowly of dementia* is a fucking punish. But that can't be the backdrop of everything else in her life. Kids, work, and a husband to think about. Put that angsty bullshit in a box and get on with what is in front of you.
Additionally, don't try and make it a bad thing that I want to fill the weekends with adventure and activities; life is fucking short, as demonstrated by The Dementor's faculties going in her mid 60s, so get with the program.
Anyway, after 36 hours of frost, we're good again. I even got a hug off her when she got home from work, that I did not need to initiate.
As an old farmer mate of mine said: Women; they're strange cattle.
End rant.
*The Dementor is at the stage now where her short-term memory is utterly fucked. Repeats sentences multiple times in the same period. Still got a sense of humour, hasn't turned into a drooler yet. It'd be a mercy if she had a huge fucking infarction and saved everyone the trouble of diving further.
Sorry to hear that mate. I kind of had similar experiences. For me, things like affection and sex were pleasurable things that could and should distract you from all that other bullshit in life. A way to escape from all the stress and noise for just a little while (in my case 2 minutes he he). But my wife would very often let work or other stress get in the way of all that. She couldn't separate them for some reason. That made affection or sex an effort or a chore. Never understood it. Not sure if that's common for all females, but obviously both you and I copped it. I would have thought a bit of quality time with the husband and a little bit of sexy time would be a great way to focus on something other than her mum, but as you say, they are very strange cattle. I'm sure your missus will get over it, but hang in there.
You're looking good btw.
Looks like you've got a fall back option at any rate Nick.
Don't tell me you wouldn't have a crack at that if you could get away with it.
Less so once he breathes again and lets it all go.
That corset might be sexy.
"might"
Just offering you an image to ponder on.
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@crucial said in Back for more!:
@catogrande said in Back for more!:
@crucial said in Back for more!:
@catogrande said in Back for more!:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Back for more!:
@catogrande said in Back for more!:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Back for more!:
@nta said in Back for more!:
@Catogrande @Rancid-Schnitzel duh
Nah seriously - and related to the men's health issues - and a bit of a rant: it was a bit of pride talking, asking her why the whole relationship only seemed to be going one way e.g. why I'm the one initiating all the affection / sex / dinners / nights out. If she's not cancelling things because she feels guilty about not spending enough time at work, that is.
Side note: we'd planned to have our anniversary (a Friday) together, and even though she was on the bleed, we'd have a nice lunch and spend some time together without having other issues around. But no: she booked her Mum's MRI scan the Monday of that week, then took the Wednesday "working" from home because it was a billing cycle and she could concentrate better at home than in the office. While watching 6 episodes of something on Netflix, according to the account history.
So our anniversary lunch got shelved, basically. I've tried to organise other date nights, but they turned into a quick lunch on a work-from-home day because again: work trumps me.
I'd also point out that it is particularly galling when I'm getting back in shape, to the point where people at work give me more compliments than my own wife. Jeez the old high school friend I go to Pilates with was complimenting my new FB profile pic - and even tho I'm not the finished product, I'm doing OK. Here is me with my bro down at Darling Harbour on Sunday:
Haaaaaaaaaaaa!
Anyway, we've had over a year now of her Mum's dementia bullshit, and I am getting tired of "I'm just numb" being used as an excuse, particularly when a few glasses of wine or a night out with her mates tends to sort the "numb" right the fuck out.
So I showed her this article, prefacing it with "It isn't a laundry list or list of demands - but some of this stuff resonated with me and I'd like your thoughts".
(Warm up the hand grenade, Jeffrey)
Long Story Short: tears; accusations of me never being satisfied; told to leave if I'm not happy; told that she'll leave if I "don't have the balls to leave"; and so on. The whole "get out if you don't like it" threat was a new one, and scared me a bit.
Eventually - once I'd knocked down every argument she put to me - she broke completely and said she wanted her Mum back. And I fully understand of that line of thinking. My old man will be gone 5 years as of next week. I didn't see him as much as she saw her Mum (her next suburb, my lot interstate), but I still miss the old bastard. Can't do much about it tho, can I?
Watching her Mum die slowly of dementia* is a fucking punish. But that can't be the backdrop of everything else in her life. Kids, work, and a husband to think about. Put that angsty bullshit in a box and get on with what is in front of you.
Additionally, don't try and make it a bad thing that I want to fill the weekends with adventure and activities; life is fucking short, as demonstrated by The Dementor's faculties going in her mid 60s, so get with the program.
Anyway, after 36 hours of frost, we're good again. I even got a hug off her when she got home from work, that I did not need to initiate.
As an old farmer mate of mine said: Women; they're strange cattle.
End rant.
*The Dementor is at the stage now where her short-term memory is utterly fucked. Repeats sentences multiple times in the same period. Still got a sense of humour, hasn't turned into a drooler yet. It'd be a mercy if she had a huge fucking infarction and saved everyone the trouble of diving further.
Sorry to hear that mate. I kind of had similar experiences. For me, things like affection and sex were pleasurable things that could and should distract you from all that other bullshit in life. A way to escape from all the stress and noise for just a little while (in my case 2 minutes he he). But my wife would very often let work or other stress get in the way of all that. She couldn't separate them for some reason. That made affection or sex an effort or a chore. Never understood it. Not sure if that's common for all females, but obviously both you and I copped it. I would have thought a bit of quality time with the husband and a little bit of sexy time would be a great way to focus on something other than her mum, but as you say, they are very strange cattle. I'm sure your missus will get over it, but hang in there.
You're looking good btw.
Looks like you've got a fall back option at any rate Nick.
Don't tell me you wouldn't have a crack at that if you could get away with it.
Less so once he breathes again and lets it all go.
That corset might be sexy.
"might"
Just offering you an image to ponder on.
Gets mental image. Shudders.
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@rancid-schnitzel said in Back for more!:
Not sure if that's common for all females, but obviously both you and I copped it.
The more blokes I speak to about this, the more common it seems. Hence why that article exists - my boss at work said "well yeah of course someone is going to write that: not like you're the Lone Ranger here!"
@catogrande said in Back for more!:
@nta Tough going mate. I think this sort of thing happens to most of us at some time or another. My mate had a similar issue but lacked your "appalling honesty". All he could keep telling his wife was that she "must invest in the relationship". It took her ages to understand that he just wanted a root.
My situation is similar to that BUT it has gotten to the stage where there is still sex, but always on her terms and nothing affectionate between "hug" and "shag".
Throw in the ED and you've got a dangerous mix. As the psych said: the problem comes down to anticipation. I'm always in a spot where I don't know when the next one is, and I'm nervous enough about performance. Uncertainty isn't helping when there's no bridge built on basic intimacy in between, and no feedback or direction from her side.
Have tried sending her texts with a nudge wink and no response. I buy flowers sporadically so it doesn't become the norm, and while they're appreciated, the romance of it seems lost.
The Dementor has to die and then I'll STILL get a year or two of the wife dealing with her guilt at her happiness as well as the genuine grief.
It's fucked.
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mate we all go through that shit.
I'm the same, it is regular but is very little outside it that I dont initiate...always shit going on in her head/life; her job sucks, her boss does her head in, her dad is one of the more negative people and is gettign worse as he ages (has recently had a bout of cancer to top it off) and always brings her down after an hour on the phone (given he lives in UK)
I tell her to chuck the job in, we'll deal with it, but she says it is convenient for her (which it is as it is school hours and she has use of a vehicle to and from work)
I've been talking about chucking her it in and buying a business for her to run for a while, but she's a creature of habit and not keen, but it's also finding the right one thats the issue in a small place like Whangarei.
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yea man, you are hardly alone in that one, although yours seems at the more extreme end.
There is a serious communication issue there that needs to be taken care of, because your mental health won't deal with years of this stuff. Professional help for the two of you? Or would that just be another trigger.
Marriage can be so fucked. Men and women are wired so differently.
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@mariner4life in a similar boat here - currently in a meh non-initiate stage, but know that it's not a long term option or healthy. But unless there is a circuit breaker it feels like you are going to have exactly the same convo as X months or years ago, and then have the same pattern of behaviour.
Good on you for talking about @NTA - one big pressure/tension in my situation is the privacy aspect. I don't talk to bro's about this sort of stuff as it's between the missus and I. Not from a shame perspective but more a respectful one. But it does feels like you are isolated, especially where you may have little or no interest in couples counselling, or that suddenly opting for counselling will be a bloody shock for your missus.
One thing I ran into online was a site that lets you and your partner indicate interest in 'activities'. You don't get to see what each other listed unless it's mutual. And fuck knows what sketchy mofo' are doing with that info, but it had a lot of positive feedback and people saying it had really helped then get out of a rut of no rutting!
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@paekakboyz said in Back for more!:
@mariner4life in a similar boat here - currently in a meh non-initiate stage, but know that it's not a long term option or healthy. But unless there is a circuit breaker it feels like you are going to have exactly the same convo as X months or years ago, and then have the same pattern of behaviour.
My wife and I quote The Simpsons at each other often, but the truth is if you're not talking, frustration builds and it can come as quite a surprise to the other party when you've finally had enough.
As to initiating; all couple go through periods where interest wanes as a result of normal life. The difficulty is to keep making an effort.
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@antipodean ha ha that must be awesome, no lack of quotable material from the Simpsons. I totally get the ebb and flow of things changing over time. But if you are the one making the effort 99.9% of the time you can only handle getting burned so often imo. So it becomes making an effort at making a (generally fruitless) effort!!
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@paekakboyz said in Back for more!:
@mariner4life in a similar boat here - currently in a meh non-initiate stage, but know that it's not a long term option or healthy. But unless there is a circuit breaker it feels like you are going to have exactly the same convo as X months or years ago, and then have the same pattern of behaviour.
You're in the situation of having younger kid(s) tho, yeah? To be perfectly honest, the years immediately after a baby can be a strain. A new person in the relationship alters every dynamic you had before.
I would anticipate her interest in couples' counselling would be zero. She's very much a "That's just the way it is and when the bad shit moves on, it'll be better", which I think channels @taniwharugby from the post above.
Actually her feelings about couples' counselling would be distinctly negative: based on trying to provide feedback and assert my thoughts/feelings about where we are, she would simply see it as more criticism.As I've discussed with a few blokes now: this seems like a fairly common situation. There is a definite communication issue where guys can't make suggestions or they're seen as overly critical. Women do put themselves under a lot of pressure, but then I think they invent a lot of that pressure based on what they see in external sources. Particularly unrealistic expectation of themselves created by other women and the kinds of media that women are into.
The best line from "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen) is "Do NOT ready beauty magazines; they will only make you feel ugly"
My wife spends way too much time on her iPad; Facebook in particular, and useless shit like Hay Day which can't be good for dementia. Yes I know there are studies saying that dementia patients appear healthier and happier on games like Hay Day, Candy Crush, or other repetitive shit, but that doesn't mean it is good for you before you go mental.
Every time I bring that up? "That's how I relax". She watches Netflix "to help go to sleep"
The irony is that she'll devour articles about dementia prevention and treatment/care etc. but when I present her the articles saying iPads are fucking awful for helping you sleep, they're dismissed.@paekakboyz said in Back for more!:
@antipodean ha ha that must be awesome, no lack of quotable material from the Simpsons. I totally get the ebb and flow of things changing over time. But if you are the one making the effort 99.9% of the time you can only handle getting burned so often imo. So it becomes making an effort at making a (generally fruitless) effort!!
Yes. And there is a school of thought that says you should be the bigger person and make the effort anyway. The rejection isn't personal blah blah blah. But the human spirit will only put up with so much.
If I want the wife's attention now, I just basically turn off the emotional tap for a couple of days. I'm not angry with her - I'm perfectly civil if addressed - but I won't engage unless I'm engaged with. Maybe she thinks I've got the shits or something, and eventually comes around. But I don't really think that is healthy for either of us to experience.
There was a time there - when the kids were out of nappies and before they hit shitty tweenhood - where it was a more active relationship, and even though I was still initiating more, it was great. I was fit as fuck, and in terms of performance: cat couldn't scratch it
For a while there the wife looked like she'd hit her dirty 30s, but it subsided in the face of life's bullshit.The meme going around facebook says: "Grandma's secret to a happy marriage: Keep his stomach full and his balls empty" and there is a lot of truth to that.
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The problem with this kind of situation is that it can be so degrading (basically begging for sex) and also murder on your self-esteem. Imagine how she'd feel if it was the other way round. Taking someone for granted goes both ways, but you'd never know that because the impression the media always gives is of desperate housewives and career obsessed husbands. It simply isn't true.
I guess the best thing is not to take it personally and, while it may be tempting, do not cheat. Fark I was so sorely tempted at times but so glad I didn't. Just have a wank and then watch some rugby.
One more thing, while it's important for you yourself to be fit and healthy and look good, don't expect that to have any difference on her. I went nuts with a PT, diet, the works. Was looking like a farking Spartan warrior. Doesn't do shit. It isn't you, it's her and she has to figure that shit out. Hope that happens sooner rather than later. Ain't nowt queerer than womenfolk.
