Back for more!
-
@nta but also dont forget to talk about it, even if you cant with her, find someone (am sure plenty on here will, and in a way, maybe easier?) who will listen.
Dunno about Aus, but they are big on the mental health side of things in NZ and making sure people know they can talk if they need to rather than bottling it up and making it a much bigger problem.
@taniwharugby it is definitely changing here. I'm finding a few guys at work to chat to, and they've all had similar experiences of varying severity. One of them is my boss, who is about my age with kids a couple of years younger than mine. That's handy as he gets what I'm going through at home and understands how it's affecting me at work.
Another guy is someone I have a weekly catch up coffee with, who worked in one of my old teams.
The similarities are often uncanny in terms of what the womenfolk are actually doing re: headfuck.
Everyone has their own strategy for dealing with it, based on the personalities involved. It is interesting to see what others are doing, though without knowing their wives beyond general outlines, I tend to only take bits of other strategies.
The universal theme seems to be "why the fuck are they making it so hard?"
-
@nta said in Back for more!:
You're in the situation of having younger kid(s) tho, yeah? To be perfectly honest, the years immediately after a baby can be a strain. A new person in the relationship alters every dynamic you had before.
Nice to hear this, we have been going through this for the last 6 years since we had our first kid. Last one is 20 months old now and we are still going through it.
I think part of the problem is when you decide to have kids you become like the prize bull and its coming at you from all angles but once your work is done. Interest disappears pretty quickly. Its a big step down. Most of my mates have said the same thing happened to them.
Finished having kids now, and finding it hard to get back to ourselves. As we were, maybe its not possible. Maybe those people don't exist anymore. Who knows.
I am going to be in the shit as it is as I passed out on the train the other day on the way to work. No idea what happened one minute I was standing the next a young fellah was holding me up and helping me off at the next station. Got checked out by the ambulance guys, can't spot anything wrong.
They asked if I wanted to call my wife. I thought about it said no actually I feel rough enough I don't need her getting all stressed about this as well. So I just had a drink something to eat and went to work. Thinking I will tell her that night, when I get home. Except she was in a mood about something so I thought later. Now I'm like fuck it if it happens again I will tell her.
Its not good though, you should feel able to share something like that.
-
The problem with this kind of situation is that it can be so degrading (basically begging for sex) and also murder on your self-esteem. Imagine how she'd feel if it was the other way round. Taking someone for granted goes both ways, but you'd never know that because the impression the media always gives is of desperate housewives and career obsessed husbands. It simply isn't true.
I guess the best thing is not to take it personally and, while it may be tempting, do not cheat. Fark I was so sorely tempted at times but so glad I didn't. Just have a wank and then watch some rugby.
One more thing, while it's important for you yourself to be fit and healthy and look good, don't expect that to have any difference on her. I went nuts with a PT, diet, the works. Was looking like a farking Spartan warrior. Doesn't do shit. It isn't you, it's her and she has to figure that shit out. Hope that happens sooner rather than later. Ain't nowt queerer than womenfolk.
@rancid-schnitzel said in Back for more!:
One more thing, while it's important for you yourself to be fit and healthy and look good, don't expect that to have any difference on her. I went nuts with a PT, diet, the works. Was looking like a farking Spartan warrior. Doesn't do shit. It isn't you, it's her and she has to figure that shit out. Hope that happens sooner rather than later. Ain't nowt queerer than womenfolk.
Yeah I reckon you're on the money. She has said herself that if it's good for me to feel fitter, I should go for it, but it doesn't really bother her (as long as I don't get obsessed over it).
That said, last time I lost the weight, we seemed to be having sex more often. She put that down to my "confidence" but at least some of it has to be attributed to the buffness at a subconscious level. At least the "not getting knocked back" part. Maybe?
At this point, the update is fairly good. Maybe even some of the message has gotten through - sent me a lovely text message this arvo (and I thanked her verbally when she got home to ensure she understands I appreciate it) and is making cups of tea for me etc. Ice definitely thawed.
She is also opening up a bit on the humorous front wrt general attitude toward physical stuff E.g. I asked the kids who wanted to see the new Aquaman trailer and the wife is the first one to say "yep!!" from the kitchen.
Fucking Jason Momoa. Should have stayed dead you Dothraki prick
Anyway this has been a good side discussion and I'm happy to continue it with anyone who wants to, either here or via PM.
Next post will be Fitness related!
-
I slept poorly from about 0430 today, so didn't end up going for my scheduled run. Fucking miserable weather anyway.
Thought about doing it when I got home, as it seemed to clear, then the rain swept in again. Go home, Sydney Spring weather - you drunk!
So tonight I thought I'd test out my maximums for chinups, taking suitable breaks in between each set to recover, to see how the regular work was suiting me. Pretty well as it turns out:
5 supinated
4 neutral grip
3 pronatedAll were full hang, and max reps in a single set based on good form. Fatigue probably played a part in each set, as well as the shoulder injury, but I'm happy with that as I can feel it right through the core.
EDIT: And some core work and stretching exercises from Pilates, because why the fuck not?
Hoping to get out for a run tomorrow morning, but "scattered showers clearing" is the forecast so it might have to be at work.
-
mate we all go through that shit.
I'm the same, it is regular but is very little outside it that I dont initiate...always shit going on in her head/life; her job sucks, her boss does her head in, her dad is one of the more negative people and is gettign worse as he ages (has recently had a bout of cancer to top it off) and always brings her down after an hour on the phone (given he lives in UK)
I tell her to chuck the job in, we'll deal with it, but she says it is convenient for her (which it is as it is school hours and she has use of a vehicle to and from work)
I've been talking about chucking her it in and buying a business for her to run for a while, but she's a creature of habit and not keen, but it's also finding the right one thats the issue in a small place like Whangarei.
@taniwharugby said in Back for more!:
mate we all go through that shit.
I'm the same, it is regular but is very little outside it that I dont initiate...always shit going on in her head/life; her job sucks, her boss does her head in, her dad is one of the more negative people and is gettign worse as he ages (has recently had a bout of cancer to top it off) and always brings her down after an hour on the phone (given he lives in UK)
I tell her to chuck the job in, we'll deal with it, but she says it is convenient for her (which it is as it is school hours and she has use of a vehicle to and from work)
I've been talking about chucking her it in and buying a business for her to run for a while, but she's a creature of habit and not keen, but it's also finding the right one thats the issue in a small place like Whangarei.
Holy shit that all sounds so familiar. Perhaps even too familiar, apart from the whangarei bit.
Wife and I used to be super active, even when we had 3 young kids (still young but now ranging 6 through 11). Seems less frequent of late but I've always put it down to her having a lot going on and I get by. After a night out with a bit of booze involved though, holy shit is she up for it. Maybe she just forgets about everything thats going on in her head at times like that, I dunno. Women and men are indeed wired so differently.
Anyway I think the point is that in fact a lot of what each of us is going through is similar and probably a lot more common that we think.
-
@taniwharugby said in Back for more!:
mate we all go through that shit.
I'm the same, it is regular but is very little outside it that I dont initiate...always shit going on in her head/life; her job sucks, her boss does her head in, her dad is one of the more negative people and is gettign worse as he ages (has recently had a bout of cancer to top it off) and always brings her down after an hour on the phone (given he lives in UK)
I tell her to chuck the job in, we'll deal with it, but she says it is convenient for her (which it is as it is school hours and she has use of a vehicle to and from work)
I've been talking about chucking her it in and buying a business for her to run for a while, but she's a creature of habit and not keen, but it's also finding the right one thats the issue in a small place like Whangarei.
Holy shit that all sounds so familiar. Perhaps even too familiar, apart from the whangarei bit.
Wife and I used to be super active, even when we had 3 young kids (still young but now ranging 6 through 11). Seems less frequent of late but I've always put it down to her having a lot going on and I get by. After a night out with a bit of booze involved though, holy shit is she up for it. Maybe she just forgets about everything thats going on in her head at times like that, I dunno. Women and men are indeed wired so differently.
Anyway I think the point is that in fact a lot of what each of us is going through is similar and probably a lot more common that we think.
@jk said in Back for more!:
After a night out with a bit of booze involved though, holy shit is she up for it. Maybe she just forgets about everything thats going on in her head at times like that, I dunno.
Bingo. It's a combination (I think) of alcohol relaxing a few inhibitions, and a night out allowing them to have social interaction on their terms, rather than e.g. work where they have to fit into certain norms.
-
@jk said in Back for more!:
After a night out with a bit of booze involved though, holy shit is she up for it. Maybe she just forgets about everything thats going on in her head at times like that, I dunno.
Bingo. It's a combination (I think) of alcohol relaxing a few inhibitions, and a night out allowing them to have social interaction on their terms, rather than e.g. work where they have to fit into certain norms.
-
I slept poorly from about 0430 today, so didn't end up going for my scheduled run. Fucking miserable weather anyway.
Thought about doing it when I got home, as it seemed to clear, then the rain swept in again. Go home, Sydney Spring weather - you drunk!
So tonight I thought I'd test out my maximums for chinups, taking suitable breaks in between each set to recover, to see how the regular work was suiting me. Pretty well as it turns out:
5 supinated
4 neutral grip
3 pronatedAll were full hang, and max reps in a single set based on good form. Fatigue probably played a part in each set, as well as the shoulder injury, but I'm happy with that as I can feel it right through the core.
EDIT: And some core work and stretching exercises from Pilates, because why the fuck not?
Hoping to get out for a run tomorrow morning, but "scattered showers clearing" is the forecast so it might have to be at work.
@nta said in Back for more!:
Hoping to get out for a run tomorrow morning, but "scattered showers clearing" is the forecast so it might have to be at work.
Nope. Still raining.
So instead of getting around the local streets in a sweat, Mrs TA and I got around each other in a sweat.
It has been one of the weirder weeks in recent memory.
-
@nta haha my Missus is opposite, alcohol puts her to sleep and she is a lightweight! If I can keep her awake then things are groovy
@taniwharugby said in Back for more!:
@nta haha my Missus is opposite, alcohol puts her to sleep and she is a lightweight! If I can keep her awake then things are groovy
Exactly the same for me. She just wanted to get home and sleep.
-
@taniwharugby said in Back for more!:
@nta haha my Missus is opposite, alcohol puts her to sleep and she is a lightweight! If I can keep her awake then things are groovy
Exactly the same for me. She just wanted to get home and sleep.
@rancid-schnitzel said in Back for more!:
@taniwharugby said in Back for more!:
@nta haha my Missus is opposite, alcohol puts her to sleep and she is a lightweight! If I can keep her awake then things are groovy
Exactly the same for me. She just wanted to get home and sleep.
So did the majority of my first dates. That's roofies for you!
-
@nta born for the front row. My man
@paekakboyz would barely have been able to run out on the field!
Fuck I could drink, tho.
-
Very relaxed weekend on the eating front, particularly Sunday when we went to see friends and the cake we picked up was second-slice worthy.
So last night I did to-fail sets of chinups (5), neutral grip (3), and pullups (3). 5 sets of 10 pushups then some Pilates stretching and core.
I now fit back into one of my favourite t shirts which is good, as well as a couple of other garments.
On the relationship front it was... Well it was fairly amazing, actually. Maybe the message got through, despite the drama, as the levels of affection have definitely increased. We'll see how it survives the chocolate wheel that is the menstrual cycle
as well as work and other family shit.Got up for a run this morning and literally as I was tying my shoes on the front step, it started to rain. Been wet as an otter's pocket the last week in Sydney. Abandoned that shit. Might do other body weight tonight like squats n lunges n shit
-
hold on @NTA what is the missus grabbing in that pic!!
-
hold on @NTA what is the missus grabbing in that pic!!
