Parenting
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Admitted to us a while ago that he tried self-harm - not a huge thing, just a small cut. But it is a slippery slope. She was teaching him some coping skills so hopefully he starts using that.
yikes...with TR Jnr, as I said above, TR Jnr has a 'girlfriend' although they havent met, she 'added' him on Snapchat and they been chatting loads...I hassle him about him having an 'ad' on Snapchat asking for a girlfriend haha
ANywho, he asked me not to tell his mum, which I have said I wont (she knows anyway, we aint that stoopid kid)...but he also wants to meet her this weekend, and I asked how he intends doing it without his mum finding out, or lying to her...
We have alwyas tried to talk to him and make sure he understands he can talk to us about anything, particularly since lockdown I think we've been able to 'open up' a bit more, which is good.
He is a good looking kid, lost a bit of his puppy fat, and getting a bit of size, but like @NTA says above, I told him, get a bit of shape, and the girls will be all over you...also try to make a big point about the fact that he is likely to have a few girlfriends before he finds the right one and when he is hurting, his family will always be here...told him I had to go to the UK to find his mum
BUt then, as I also mentioned, he is the easy one at the moment...
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He has been seeing a psych for some issues around anxiety and depression. Admitted to us a while ago that he tried self-harm - not a huge thing, just a small cut. But it is a slippery slope. She was teaching him some coping skills so hopefully he starts using that.
That's shit pal, sorry to hear that.
Does he open up to you and chat about stuff ? when I get my boys one on one all sorts of pent up stuff comes out......
It varies. Think it took a fair bit for him to admit that much given it was nearly a year on. But I know from taking him camping - and sharing bourbon with him - that he's struggling with the social side of school in a few ways. On the flipside he can be a bit melodramatic about these things, because perception is reality for teenagers.
I have pointed out to him that other kids are generally fluffybunnies, and he sort of gets that, but it is different when you're living it. Particularly in the digital age. For a Catholic School there are still a lot of little shits around.
Anyway it can be hard to crack what he's thinking, because he's torn between wanting the help as a boy and wanting to deal with it himself as a man. Having Mum try t solve all your problems is hard to take.
Jeezus the wife's email to the school is up to about 300 words right now, from the corner of my eye.
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@taniwharugby said in Parenting:
Admitted to us a while ago that he tried self-harm - not a huge thing, just a small cut. But it is a slippery slope. She was teaching him some coping skills so hopefully he starts using that.
yikes...with TR Jnr, as I said above, TR Jnr has a 'girlfriend' although they havent met, she 'added' him on Snapchat and they been chatting loads...I hassle him about him having an 'ad' on Snapchat asking for a girlfriend haha
ANywho, he asked me not to tell his mum, which I have said I wont (she knows anyway, we aint that stoopid kid)...but he also wants to meet her this weekend, and I asked how he intends doing it without his mum finding out, or lying to her...
We have alwyas tried to talk to him and make sure he understands he can talk to us about anything, particularly since lockdown I think we've been able to 'open up' a bit more, which is good.
He is a good looking kid, lost a bit of his puppy fat, and getting a bit of size, but like @NTA says above, I told him, get a bit of shape, and the girls will be all over you...also try to make a big point about the fact that he is likely to have a few girlfriends before he finds the right one and when he is hurting, his family will always be here...told him I had to go to the UK to find his mum
BUt then, as I also mentioned, he is the easy one at the moment...
My boys both have playdates with girls. Fuck it makes me proud what little casanovas they are.
I grabbed them from school recently and a girl said hi to both of them by name. They just responded with a simple "hi". I said something like "oh she looks nice, whats her name?" and they both shrugged their shoulders. What a pair of Playas.
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@MN5 haha when we were in KMart last night and a nice looking teen girl walked by and I see she caught his eye, but also she checked him out and I gave him the old nudge nudge wink wink, and he's like 'shuddup dad' haha
I love moments like that!!
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He has been seeing a psych for some issues around anxiety and depression. Admitted to us a while ago that he tried self-harm - not a huge thing, just a small cut. But it is a slippery slope. She was teaching him some coping skills so hopefully he starts using that.
That's shit pal, sorry to hear that.
Does he open up to you and chat about stuff ? when I get my boys one on one all sorts of pent up stuff comes out......
It varies. Think it took a fair bit for him to admit that much given it was nearly a year on. But I know from taking him camping - and sharing bourbon with him - that he's struggling with the social side of school in a few ways. On the flipside he can be a bit melodramatic about these things, because perception is reality for teenagers.
I have pointed out to him that other kids are generally fluffybunnies, and he sort of gets that, but it is different when you're living it. Particularly in the digital age. For a Catholic School there are still a lot of little shits around.
Anyway it can be hard to crack what he's thinking, because he's torn between wanting the help as a boy and wanting to deal with it himself as a man. Having Mum try t solve all your problems is hard to take.
Jeezus the wife's email to the school is up to about 300 words right now, from the corner of my eye.
He has been seeing a psych for some issues around anxiety and depression. Admitted to us a while ago that he tried self-harm - not a huge thing, just a small cut. But it is a slippery slope. She was teaching him some coping skills so hopefully he starts using that.
That's shit pal, sorry to hear that.
Does he open up to you and chat about stuff ? when I get my boys one on one all sorts of pent up stuff comes out......
It varies. Think it took a fair bit for him to admit that much given it was nearly a year on. But I know from taking him camping - and sharing bourbon with him - that he's struggling with the social side of school in a few ways. On the flipside he can be a bit melodramatic about these things, because perception is reality for teenagers.
I have pointed out to him that other kids are generally fluffybunnies, and he sort of gets that, but it is different when you're living it. Particularly in the digital age. For a Catholic School there are still a lot of little shits around.
Anyway it can be hard to crack what he's thinking, because he's torn between wanting the help as a boy and wanting to deal with it himself as a man. Having Mum try t solve all your problems is hard to take.
Jeezus the wife's email to the school is up to about 300 words right now, from the corner of my eye.
Yeah it's tough. My boys will soon be at college and statistically speaking a large percentage of however many hundred kids there will be fuckwits. We try and tell them just to stay away from people who don't bring value to your life but there will be massive slip ups as we all know.
Potential cyber bullying really worries me as a Dad.
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@mariner4life said in Parenting:
@taniwharugby the fuckers never go to sleep fast enough though!
go to sleep! i wanna watch stuff on TV that's violent and also has tiddies!
I feel that pain but more because I want to give the Mrs one and not have to worry if the punk son is still awake these days.
My daughter is an adult splits her time between home and her bf parents house. She’s never home in the weekend which I like. But soon to be teen son is a fucken night owl and his room is next to ours - with our next house I could give 2 shits about a pool or deck. It’s all about the distance the kids rooms are from mine. I’ve spent far too much money on wd40 this past year.
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@raznomore said in Parenting:
I feel that pain but more because I want to give the Mrs one and not have to worry if the punk son is still awake these days.
OMG, THIS!!!
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@NTA I think your instincts are good here. Probably a girl has set him off. As we all know there is not a lot you can do as a parent, when it comes to love. You’ll prod and make it worse.
If you have an uncle of his or a rugby mate that is funny and your son likes them it can be a good idea to get them to talk to him about the opposite sex. In a friendly Informal way. My cousin’s son goes to the same high school as Jr. So my cousin will pick him up or drop him off home sometimes. He asks on the drive the questions I can’t. “I bet he girls love you eh skux?” or “man I hated it when I got bullied”. It works and he gets real answers from my boy. I do the same with his son. Works for us but may not for everyone.
I don’t need to tell you self harm is very much an issue to be taken seriously. But hes a very brave kid for letting you know and I hope you commended him on his honesty. Our girl did it for 5 minutes and it turned out to be a fad in school. So hopefully your boy has moved on too.
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With 2 young daughters it terrifies me what they will face and deal with once they own cellphones and have boys in their life..
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@MN5 Jesus I’m replying to everything but all this stuff resonates.
My son is gentle and thoughtful. Not just I think this, everyone does. Teachers, his friends and extended family. So naturally I was worried about him trotting off to high school and specifically his high school. It’s basically the school your send your kids to if you’re an islander, Maori or want your son to make the NRL. Huge kids. I trained him for his entire last year of primary on how to deal with bullies, not to be a snitch, keep his hands to himself but also not be anyones punk. I basically taught him how survive prison lol. He’s lucky because he’s big already but I was so scared he’d get dealt to by someone not believing he Samoan(he reps that part of his heritage hard) because he blond with green eyes...
As it turned out we got a call from the school that son number 1 was in trouble for making kids cry on the basketball court talking trash about their weak game. There was another day where he and another kid got into it about $5 he found on the court. The other kid said it was his lunch money. My son said the other kid would have to prove it and would hold on to it until he received a note from the other kids parents saying it was for lunch...this kid went without and my fuck wit son went and bought sushi and sorbet ffs. The school called and although he didn’t take the money, he legit found it on the court when no one was around. It was the other kids lunch money.
All I’m saying is you can worry as much as you like but kids are fucken resilient. Here I was thinking jr was going to get hidings daily and it turns out he’s bloody Deebo from Friday.
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I get to sit in on a govt anti bullying group a couple of times a year, my work is kinda involved around e fringes of the mahi. Biggest takeaway for me is for kids not to have their phones in their room at night - the thinking being their room/home should be their safe space, when often thats when some of the worst cyber stuff is happening. But trying to police that? Tough af I reckon. Especially as they become young adults aye.
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@raznomore said in Parenting:
@MN5 Jesus I’m replying to everything but all this stuff resonates.
My son is gentle and thoughtful. Not just I think this, everyone does. Teachers, his friends and extended family. So naturally I was worried about him trotting off to high school and specifically his high school. It’s basically the school your send your kids to if you’re an islander, Maori or want your son to make the NRL. Huge kids. I trained him for his entire last year of primary on how to deal with bullies, not to be a snitch, keep his hands to himself but also not be anyones punk. I basically taught him how survive prison lol. He’s lucky because he’s big already but I was so scared he’d get dealt to by someone not believing he Samoan(he reps that part of his heritage hard) because he blond with green eyes...
As it turned out we got a call from the school that son number 1 was in trouble for making kids cry on the basketball court talking trash about their weak game. There was another day where he and another kid got into it about $5 he found on the court. The other kid said it was his lunch money. My son said the other kid would have to prove it and would hold on to it until he received a note from the other kids parents saying it was for lunch...this kid went without and my fuck wit son went and bought sushi and sorbet ffs. The school called and although he didn’t take the money, he legit found it on the court when no one was around. It was the other kids lunch money.
All I’m saying is you can worry as much as you like but kids are fucken resilient. Here I was thinking jr was going to get hidings daily and it turns out he’s bloody Deebo from Friday.
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@Paekakboyz yea all phones (inc ours) are in kitchen at night in our place.
TR Jnr doesn't believe that bullying thing, my kids hate me as I am always at them above too much devices (iPads, PS4, phones)
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@raznomore said in Parenting:
@MN5 Jesus I’m replying to everything but all this stuff resonates.
My son is gentle and thoughtful. Not just I think this, everyone does. Teachers, his friends and extended family. So naturally I was worried about him trotting off to high school and specifically his high school. It’s basically the school your send your kids to if you’re an islander, Maori or want your son to make the NRL. Huge kids. I trained him for his entire last year of primary on how to deal with bullies, not to be a snitch, keep his hands to himself but also not be anyones punk. I basically taught him how survive prison lol. He’s lucky because he’s big already but I was so scared he’d get dealt to by someone not believing he Samoan(he reps that part of his heritage hard) because he blond with green eyes...
As it turned out we got a call from the school that son number 1 was in trouble for making kids cry on the basketball court talking trash about their weak game. There was another day where he and another kid got into it about $5 he found on the court. The other kid said it was his lunch money. My son said the other kid would have to prove it and would hold on to it until he received a note from the other kids parents saying it was for lunch...this kid went without and my fuck wit son went and bought sushi and sorbet ffs. The school called and although he didn’t take the money, he legit found it on the court when no one was around. It was the other kids lunch money.
All I’m saying is you can worry as much as you like but kids are fucken resilient. Here I was thinking jr was going to get hidings daily and it turns out he’s bloody Deebo from Friday.
That is farken gold mate
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Great thread guys.
I don't have anything useful to add that hasn't already been said. I've got 11, 10 and 7, and they're all challenging in their own way. The oldest (boy) is definitely getting hormonal, and the girl 10 is starting to get really fucking grumpy. But I can't separate what's natural growth from the clusterfuck of this year - they've effectively been away from their close friends and family since 27 Dec 2019, and they've been living out of a suitcase in multiple hotels and airbnbs for the last 3 months without any organised sport or activities - that ain't easy.
They're all goody-2-shoes though when it comes to getting into real trouble, so I don't think I'll have much to deal with there. Shouldn't speak to soon I guess.
Teenage years look like they'll be fun times...
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@taniwharugby that is awesome bro, of course you've got to make sure the 2nd phone and the back up 2nd are located and confiscated too
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My eldest cooked dinner, and the youngest thanked him for it.
Who are these kids?
We're currently playing darts
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@mariner4life said in Parenting:
My eldest cooked dinner, and the youngest thanked him for it.
Who are these kids?
We're currently playing darts
I'm gonna need a transcript of that smack down you laid on them the other day...
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@mariner4life said in Parenting:
My eldest cooked dinner, and the youngest thanked him for it.
Who are these kids?
We're currently playing darts
I'm gonna need a transcript of that smack down you laid on them the other day...
Like everything in my life I made it up as I went along so fucked if I know what I said.
It was fucking stern, and i spoke to them like they were adults.
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@Paekakboyz ha no other phones, TR jnr wastes his money on stupid shit, Miss 11 dont buy anything with hers...plus I can check what devices on Wifi
