No kids, any regrets?
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@canefan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@NTA I definitely think work/kids/general life balancing act is not good for a healthy sex life. If I ever won the lotto and didn't have to work I would definitely expect an upswing in activity (excuse the pun)
Technical term: upschwing.
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@canefan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@NTA I definitely think work/kids/general life balancing act is not good for a healthy sex life. If I ever won the lotto and didn't have to work I would definitely expect an upswing in activity (excuse the pun)
Oh shit yeah. I think when you look back at the generations prior to a double income required setup, things were probably different in that sense, being based around a home maker and a bread winner.
When Mrs TA's Mum finally passes (the late stage dementia thing has some time to run yet), we'll have a situation where we don't both have to work for a time at least* due to an inheritance. I asked Mrs TA whether she'd quit and after a moment's thought she remarked "Depends what I need".
I respect that as I don't know how she's going to take it. Suspect it'll be textbook: a smidgen of happiness, along with overwhelming relief at this 4-year nightmare finally coming to a close, then guilt at feeling the relief/happiness. Probably want to bury herself back in work to forget about it BUT she works in aged care (home services) and her Mum is in the facility right next to her work, so....
*tho we probably both will while whatever comes down the pipe helps pay down the mortgage interest. A holiday will be in order tho.
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@NTA said in No kids, any regrets?:
ovulating
BTW this is what I base everything around these days. Every 4 weeks, like clockwork. If for some reason the cycle goes out, I reset the meter and wait.
Other than that:
- if she goes out with her friends usually comes home a bit tipsy, which works.
- if we're on holiday somewhere and maybe a couple of drinks have happened (and she isn't sick - notorious for getting sick on planes)
If for some reason we were on holiday with her friends and she had a couple of drinks AND she's ovulating, I think I become collateral damage.
But what a way to go.
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@Snowy said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Rancid-Schnitzel said in No kids, any regrets?:
almost too much rooting
Que?
When you have the best champagne on tap sometimes all you want is just a glass of water.
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@Rancid-Schnitzel said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Snowy said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Rancid-Schnitzel said in No kids, any regrets?:
almost too much rooting
Que?
When you have the best champagne on tap sometimes all you want is just a glass of water.
If I was in demand most evenings, with all due respect you wouldn't see me on the boards after 9pm any night it was on. No other incentive to go to bed early required. So anyhoo I'll see you all later tonight....
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@NTA said in No kids, any regrets?:
@NTA said in No kids, any regrets?:
ovulating
BTW this is what I base everything around these days. Every 4 weeks, like clockwork. If for some reason the cycle goes out, I reset the meter and wait.
Other than that:
- if she goes out with her friends usually comes home a bit tipsy, which works.
- if we're on holiday somewhere and maybe a couple of drinks have happened (and she isn't sick - notorious for getting sick on planes)
If for some reason we were on holiday with her friends and she had a couple of drinks AND she's ovulating, I think I become collateral damage.
But what a way to go.
I'm not sure whether to applaud you or pity you.
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@NTA said in No kids, any regrets?:
@canefan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@NTA I definitely think work/kids/general life balancing act is not good for a healthy sex life. If I ever won the lotto and didn't have to work I would definitely expect an upswing in activity (excuse the pun)
Oh shit yeah. I think when you look back at the generations prior to a double income required setup, things were probably different in that sense, being based around a home maker and a bread winner.
When Mrs TA's Mum finally passes (the late stage dementia thing has some time to run yet), we'll have a situation where we don't both have to work for a time at least* due to an inheritance. I asked Mrs TA whether she'd quit and after a moment's thought she remarked "Depends what I need".
I respect that as I don't know how she's going to take it. Suspect it'll be textbook: a smidgen of happiness, along with overwhelming relief at this 4-year nightmare finally coming to a close, then guilt at feeling the relief/happiness. Probably want to bury herself back in work to forget about it BUT she works in aged care (home services) and her Mum is in the facility right next to her work, so....
*tho we probably both will while whatever comes down the pipe helps pay down the mortgage interest. A holiday will be in order tho.
Work life balance is all fucked up. And if you are both ambitious and busy there's only so much energy to go around
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@NTA I noticed a big change when my wife cut back her hours and went very part time. She had a lot of time on her own allowing her to do hobbies and things she enjoys. She just isn't as tired and stressed. This has a direct impact on the bedroom. I highly encourage you to get her to work as few hours as possible.
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@MN5 said in No kids, any regrets?:
@mariner4life said in No kids, any regrets?:
@MN5 said in No kids, any regrets?:
All this talk is getting me excited.
I hope Ms MN5s headache has cleared up by the time tonight rolls around.
it won't have
Bugger, I might have to roll the big guns out and pick up a nice takeaway, a bottle of red and then sit through some bullshit TV about a farmer choosing a wife.while rubbing her feet.
.....
Sounds like a perfect ad for "self pleasure" less effort same result
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@canefan said in No kids, any regrets?:
Work life balance is all fucked up. And if you are both ambitious and busy there's only so much energy to go around
She's been flagged as someone who could aspire to higher levels of her work - even ExCo - so that will be a particularly interesting to watch unfold.
I, on the other hand, have made it my mission at every corporate restructure to ask whether voluntary redundancy is an option.
So far, so bad.
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@NTA said in No kids, any regrets?:
@canefan said in No kids, any regrets?:
Work life balance is all fucked up. And if you are both ambitious and busy there's only so much energy to go around
She's been flagged as someone who could aspire to higher levels of her work - even ExCo - so that will be a particularly interesting to watch unfold.
I, on the other hand, have made it my mission at every corporate restructure to ask whether voluntary redundancy is an option.
So far, so bad.
I feel your pain mate, something to be said for a stay at home mum
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Well for us kids just weren’t an option sadly. We tried everything but when we first got all the tests done they told us it would be extremely unlikely and they were right. The never ending hormone treatments permanently damaged Mrs JC’s health - one of the fertility experts guilt tripped her into some pretty extreme treatments by saying if she had any second thoughts then she just didn’t want kids enough. So now she’s got anxiety attacks, near constant IBS, blinding headaches about 50% of every month, excruciating period pain, everything except the child she desperately wanted and still misses. The kicker is she is a amazing with kids and would have been the most awesome Mum. Sometimes you just have to laugh because the alternative is you’d never stop crying.
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@JC Sorry to hear that, and sorry your wife has to go through it. My wife has some health issues which have some major impacts on her wellbeing so I can empathise.
That fertility "expert" sounds like a right fluffybunny. One thing that irks me a bit about the IVF system is so many couples are promised the earth and spend a near fortune for very little success.
I have no idea how that system is regulated and what sort of profits the clinics make but I do wonder if couples really understand the long-term cost vs the success rate.
I guess they are dealing with some of the most vulnerable people who are willing to spend and do anything for the chance however small. Sounds like a recipe for corruption and dishonesty.
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@chimoaus To be fair the money was never an issue. It was getting information that was the real problem. It wasn’t as if you could just google everything like you can now. The medical profession is full of arrogant pricks and this woman was one. She was a med school professor who worked for the NHS and funnelled patients to her private practice where she could do whatever she liked. I didn’t appreciate that that would be the first of innumerable times that my wife would be judged. As others have said, she has been asked literally hundreds of times if she didn’t want kids. She’s also been told by a hundred well meaning idiots that oh well, at least she has her freedom, and in some ways she’s lucky etc. Not helping. But then, if I’m honest, not much does help.
Don’t get me wrong, we still have a good life. But that’s always there.
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@JC Sounds like a lot to deal with, it always amazes me how humans cope with trauma and grief, such strong emotions that can be bloody hard to live through. Having good relationships is a start and it sounds like you have that which is fantastic.
