No kids, any regrets?
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Some of you have had to play some shitty fucking cards...
My wife and I decided early on we didn't want kids. More her than me, but I was more than OK with it as didn't feel mature enough to be a responsible Dad. I know she got a lot of questions about why. People naturally assumed there was an issue and couldn't believe we didn't want them.
Never had a single regret. All for the best as she got secondary progressive MS in her early 30's, I became the sole income and also care giver for the next 15 years or so when she had to go into a home for full time care.
Then inherited 3 kids with new partner. Jeezuz parents - it never stops does it? Always some sort of fucking drama going on. Son's a fucking useless wastrel who has issues that he deals with by being a full time stoner. Her ended up living with me for 3.5 years. I choose not to live with his mother (more drama) but somehow ended up with an early 20's fucktard.
I have a blood nephew who I have seen 4 times in my life (lives in Switzerland a country my brother was banned from - them and Vanuatu).
I'm actually pretty fucking comfortable with my own company so have no regrets. I do get the difficult to make friends without kids thing but I don't work very hard to keep up with the couple of friends I do have.
While I have my health (post COVID) there's a whole lot of the world I've yet to see. If / when health packs up - I've been through all that. Wouldn't want to put anyone through the care thing. Rather pay some stranger to change my fucking nappies.
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@Snowy said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Paekakboyz said in No kids, any regrets?:
I am increasingly concerned that the fern is the most nuanced and empathetic space for conversation in my life at the moment...
A visit to a politics thread should remedy that.
Even that section has improved lately. People with extremely opposed views can still be civil (only took a bit of poster pruning).
Is a good bunch of people on here, wide range of backgrounds too.
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@Kirwan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Snowy said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Paekakboyz said in No kids, any regrets?:
I am increasingly concerned that the fern is the most nuanced and empathetic space for conversation in my life at the moment...
A visit to a politics thread should remedy that.
Even that section has improved lately. People with extremely opposed views can still be civil (only took a bit of poster pruning).
Is a good bunch of people on here, wide range of backgrounds too.
We are a shining example to the rest of the world!!
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@ACT-Crusader said in No kids, any regrets?:
after all you’ve been through and you still support the Chiefs?
i will absolutely cut a bitch
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@Kirwan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Snowy said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Paekakboyz said in No kids, any regrets?:
I am increasingly concerned that the fern is the most nuanced and empathetic space for conversation in my life at the moment...
A visit to a politics thread should remedy that.
Even that section has improved lately. People with extremely opposed views can still be civil (only took a bit of poster pruning).
Look, you had people from losing side of the political spectrum congratulating others on the win. It's mostly a contest of ideas, without the assigning of evil motives to those who don't agree with you.
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@canefan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Kirwan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Snowy said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Paekakboyz said in No kids, any regrets?:
I am increasingly concerned that the fern is the most nuanced and empathetic space for conversation in my life at the moment...
A visit to a politics thread should remedy that.
Even that section has improved lately. People with extremely opposed views can still be civil (only took a bit of poster pruning).
Is a good bunch of people on here, wide range of backgrounds too.
We are a shining example to the rest of the world!!
Awful analysis, incorrect conclusions, zero insight
Wrong about pretty much everything -
@nzzp said in No kids, any regrets?:
@canefan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Kirwan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Snowy said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Paekakboyz said in No kids, any regrets?:
I am increasingly concerned that the fern is the most nuanced and empathetic space for conversation in my life at the moment...
A visit to a politics thread should remedy that.
Even that section has improved lately. People with extremely opposed views can still be civil (only took a bit of poster pruning).
Is a good bunch of people on here, wide range of backgrounds too.
We are a shining example to the rest of the world!!
Awful analysis, incorrect conclusions, zero insight
Wrong about pretty much everythingGiven our evolution and longevity I was thinking an update was in order:
“For more than 20 years, we have even more awful analysis and incorrect conclusions. Still offering zero insight and you guessed, wrong about pretty much everything”
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@ACT-Crusader the whois registration date was 16 July 2002. I reckon we should have an annual Fern birthday. Y'know, cake, beers, rugby, etc.
And our 21st shoudl be something special
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@nzzp said in No kids, any regrets?:
@canefan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Kirwan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Snowy said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Paekakboyz said in No kids, any regrets?:
I am increasingly concerned that the fern is the most nuanced and empathetic space for conversation in my life at the moment...
A visit to a politics thread should remedy that.
Even that section has improved lately. People with extremely opposed views can still be civil (only took a bit of poster pruning).
Is a good bunch of people on here, wide range of backgrounds too.
We are a shining example to the rest of the world!!
Awful analysis, incorrect conclusions, zero insight
Wrong about pretty much everythingBut at least we recognise our limitations.
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@Snowy said in No kids, any regrets?:
@nzzp said in No kids, any regrets?:
And our 21st shoudl be something special
Isn't 21 some indication of coming of age?
I think that we have some way to go. I could probably still do a yard glass though.
I'll bring the beer, you do the yardie
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@nzzp said in No kids, any regrets?:
@canefan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Kirwan said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Snowy said in No kids, any regrets?:
@Paekakboyz said in No kids, any regrets?:
I am increasingly concerned that the fern is the most nuanced and empathetic space for conversation in my life at the moment...
A visit to a politics thread should remedy that.
Even that section has improved lately. People with extremely opposed views can still be civil (only took a bit of poster pruning).
Is a good bunch of people on here, wide range of backgrounds too.
We are a shining example to the rest of the world!!
Awful analysis, incorrect conclusions, zero insight
Wrong about pretty much everythingUnlike the rest, at least we own it
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@taniwharugby said in No kids, any regrets?:
@nzzp well I have been wasting time speaking to plenty of blokes here for pretty much 21 years (probably close to exactly 21 years since I stumbled into this place)
Not to mention getting serious advice from a bunch of Polish chicks you've never actually met...
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@nzzp said in No kids, any regrets?:
@ACT-Crusader the who is registration date was 16 July 2002. I reckon we should have an annual Fern birthday. Y'know, cake, beers, rugby, etc.
And our 21st shoudl be something special
There’s some old timers still around and many who have parted ways with the Fern.
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Fuck me, this thread. Some amazing stories in here, thanks all for sharing. What a great reminder to all of us who have been fortunate enough to make a choice in this matter. Thoughts are with all those who couldn't, especially those with health issues preventing/resulting from attempt.
I've given myself at least 12 uppercuts over the past few days for all the whining I've done this year about things that don't come close in importance.
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@JC said in No kids, any regrets?:
Well for us kids just weren’t an option sadly. We tried everything but when we first got all the tests done they told us it would be extremely unlikely and they were right. The never ending hormone treatments permanently damaged Mrs JC’s health - one of the fertility experts guilt tripped her into some pretty extreme treatments by saying if she had any second thoughts then she just didn’t want kids enough. So now she’s got anxiety attacks, near constant IBS, blinding headaches about 50% of every month, excruciating period pain, everything except the child she desperately wanted and still misses. The kicker is she is a amazing with kids and would have been the most awesome Mum. Sometimes you just have to laugh because the alternative is you’d never stop crying.
Many thanks JC, I was wondering if my story was applicable to this thread.
We had a very similar experience and while my wife hasn't been affected to quite the same extent as your good wife, she too has had that hormone treatment totally fuck with her innards and still suffers to this day - perhaps 10 years later.The above also coincidentally describes our situation more succinctly than I ever could, right down to the "jesus she'd be a good mum" bit.
My thoughts on IVF
The day you find out it's not going to happen naturally is a day spent wailing bucket loads of tears and a firm confirmation that nothing could ever hurt you emotionally as this is right now. It's a shitty and memorable day.So then you embark on the emotional paradox that is IVF.
Its a fluffybunny
You see, the pertinent factor is 30%, well it was when we did it.
You're basically betting on the Black Caps beating Australia in any given game from 2000 to ..., well probably now!
So the whole thing is 28 days of that "hope so but probably not" conundrum every minute of the day but the stakes are the highest in your life.
You've got to be positive but you know how hard you're going to fall when the first painter turns up in 3 weeks...again. That's why it's such a rollercoaster. I remember gazing at the doctor thinking what an extraordinary life he has in that, in the space of a morning he can either painfully ruin or ecstatically complete a woman's entire life. Maybe even in the space of 2 appointments. Freaky places fertility clinics.
Basically they arm you with nifty syringe dispensing gadgets and boxes of vials that you keep in your fridge. Every morning Wifey turns the dial on the gadget and injects it into her tummy. I'm guessing that's the bugger responsible for the after effects.
Then clinic visits, stirrups, looking at magnified eggs on a screen and being told to pick one ? Some wanking. An implant visit and then a couple of weeks (I think, I try to forget) of fretting and the wife lying still.
Then it doesn"t work and you board the merry go round againBut then there is the masturbatorium
We used the best cliic in bkk and then a state run one,(state had the clinic doctors but only those good hearted enough to do a couple of mornings a week for free - fine people).
At either, the bloke must supply some pollen. The clinic had a small lounge sized, tastefully furnished mastabatorium with a comfy sofa and a massive tv. Windowless, but there is a sliding hatch for completion. Pre-Programming allows one a myriad of porn choices from all corners of the globe and magazines I didn't even look over.
I was in there about an hour I think the nurses said.The state was a tiny toilet/janitor closet where my true professionalism came to the fore.
So the IVF at 30% ain't no picnic but please don't let that distract from the joy for those that were there the day McMillan and McCullum went nuts. Really pleased for all doting parents. Bitterness doesn't lie there.
Stepping over trafficked babies being held by non maternal trafficked beggars on the bkk pavements everyday steels the soul though.
A word of advice if you meet a couple who tell you they're on the merry go round, don't talk. Just listen and wish luck. For the love of god don't give the "My sister/cousin/aunt/friend got pregnant by that" anecdote because it comes across like a fait accompli, and really irked, well to me anyway.
Met some women on their 10th go or some such. It's a desperate state to be in with the only certainty being that plain shit luck has led you to walk into this particular clinic or hospital.
Also we learned to avoid mates kids baby birthday partys back in the day.
Absolute full power to those that chose no kids, we did too in the end, we weren't in a fair dinkum position to adopt. Sounds like all of us have benefitted from our choices and circumstances and life always supplies other paddocks to ponder.
Oh and those people that treat animals like kids... there might be a decent reason
Thanks for the therapy, haven't thought about that shit for a while
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Tough times in the UK, but reading this thread reminded me that we actually have it pretty good.
Thoughts are with all of you that have struggled, we were told we were going to. But didn't.
TSF as cathartic as always.
Side Note - Cathartic is an absolute doozy of a hard word to spell correctly. Which psycho bastard decided how that should be spelt??
