Movie review thread...
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@rancid-schnitzel said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Re: Movie review thread...:
American Ninja
I’m normally a fan of the so-bad-it’s-good action films pumped out by Cannon in the 80s. But damn, this one is next level shit. The acting, action, effects - everything - are horrendous. Even the inclusion of the incomparable Steve James (RIP) makes no difference. In fact it’s heartbreaking to watch him get his arse kicked by the worst leading action man in cinematic history. Seriously, Michael Dudikoff looks and acts like someone on Valium. He makes Arnie look like Daniel Day-Lewis.
And they made not one but three sequels to this! Christ on a bike.
I always got him and Michael Biehn confused. However the latter did have the distinction of starring in two of the greatest action/sci fi flicks in history before descending into B movie purgatory. As far as I know the former started there and remained there.
Bit harsh mixing a guy with some actual talent with the Dudikoff. Biehn did pop up again a few times. He was great in the Rock. Never really broke out though. Maybe it didn’t help that he was overshadowed by Arnie and Sigorny in his two biggest roles.
Dudikoff can actually be found as one of Tom Hanks’ degenerate mates in Bachelor Party. Not exactly action star pedigree.
His career is not going strong:
Was the American Ninja series as bad as the Iron Eagle series ? I just wikipedia’d the plot....
“When Col. Ted Masters' (Tim Thomerson) plane goes down in an Arab country and he's sentenced to death for trespassing, his 18-year-old son, Doug (Jason Gedrick), is determined to save him. Unfortunately, Doug isn't the best fighter pilot -- he wasn't accepted into the Air Force because he needs to listen to music in order to hit a target. So he enlists the help of Col. Chappy (Louis Gossett Jr.) to borrow a couple of F-16 planes, fly across the Atlantic and start a rescue mission”
Beihn also starred in an episode of Mando which I completely forgot, did a good job of that too.
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Ok, forget any 80s shite posted so far.....we have an undeniable winner here....@Rancid-Schnitzel check out the horrific fight scene in the first minute.....
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@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Re: Movie review thread...:
American Ninja
I’m normally a fan of the so-bad-it’s-good action films pumped out by Cannon in the 80s. But damn, this one is next level shit. The acting, action, effects - everything - are horrendous. Even the inclusion of the incomparable Steve James (RIP) makes no difference. In fact it’s heartbreaking to watch him get his arse kicked by the worst leading action man in cinematic history. Seriously, Michael Dudikoff looks and acts like someone on Valium. He makes Arnie look like Daniel Day-Lewis.
And they made not one but three sequels to this! Christ on a bike.
I always got him and Michael Biehn confused. However the latter did have the distinction of starring in two of the greatest action/sci fi flicks in history before descending into B movie purgatory. As far as I know the former started there and remained there.
Bit harsh mixing a guy with some actual talent with the Dudikoff. Biehn did pop up again a few times. He was great in the Rock. Never really broke out though. Maybe it didn’t help that he was overshadowed by Arnie and Sigorny in his two biggest roles.
Dudikoff can actually be found as one of Tom Hanks’ degenerate mates in Bachelor Party. Not exactly action star pedigree.
His career is not going strong:
Was the American Ninja series as bad as the Iron Eagle series ? I just wikipedia’d the plot....
“When Col. Ted Masters' (Tim Thomerson) plane goes down in an Arab country and he's sentenced to death for trespassing, his 18-year-old son, Doug (Jason Gedrick), is determined to save him. Unfortunately, Doug isn't the best fighter pilot -- he wasn't accepted into the Air Force because he needs to listen to music in order to hit a target. So he enlists the help of Col. Chappy (Louis Gossett Jr.) to borrow a couple of F-16 planes, fly across the Atlantic and start a rescue mission”
Beihn also starred in an episode of Mando which I completely forgot, did a good job of that too.
Iron Eagle was another “classic”. I haven’t seen it in ages but it at least had cool fighter jets and LG Jr. American Ninja should actually be called Ninja Holocaust for the number of ninjas who were slaughtered in that film. And one of them inexplicably fires a laser beam.
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@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
Ok, forget any 80s shite posted so far.....we have an undeniable winner here....@Rancid-Schnitzel check out the horrific fight scene in the first minute.....
Jesus....
Was that Helen Hunt BTW? I’ll bet this film is more entertaining than that god awful sitcom she was in.
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@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
Ok, forget any 80s shite posted so far.....we have an undeniable winner here....@Rancid-Schnitzel check out the horrific fight scene in the first minute.....
To think people got paid for that.
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@rancid-schnitzel said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
Ok, forget any 80s shite posted so far.....we have an undeniable winner here....@Rancid-Schnitzel check out the horrific fight scene in the first minute.....
Jesus....
Was that Helen Hunt BTW? I’ll bet this film is more entertaining than that god awful sitcom she was in.
I lost all respect for Mel Gibson in that movie with her where he could hear women’s thoughts. Did he utilise this gift to manipulate chicks and smash more box than Wilt Chamberlain ????? No, he spent his time “understanding” Helen Hunts character. What a softcock.
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@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
Ok, forget any 80s shite posted so far.....we have an undeniable winner here....@Rancid-Schnitzel check out the horrific fight scene in the first minute.....
Jesus....
Was that Helen Hunt BTW? I’ll bet this film is more entertaining than that god awful sitcom she was in.
I lost all respect for Mel Gibson in that movie with her where he could hear women’s thoughts. Did he utilise this gift to manipulate chicks and smash more box than Wilt Chamberlain ????? No, he spent his time “understanding” Helen Hunts character. What a softcock.
Didn't he do that film after his troubles? Tried to rehabilitate his image. And failed
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@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
Ok, forget any 80s shite posted so far.....we have an undeniable winner here....@Rancid-Schnitzel check out the horrific fight scene in the first minute.....
Jesus....
Was that Helen Hunt BTW? I’ll bet this film is more entertaining than that god awful sitcom she was in.
I lost all respect for Mel Gibson in that movie with her where he could hear women’s thoughts. Did he utilise this gift to manipulate chicks and smash more box than Wilt Chamberlain ????? No, he spent his time “understanding” Helen Hunts character. What a softcock.
I think there was a remake of that film but with a chick. No doubt it’s absolutely terrible. But tbf I can’t see how you can make an honest film about what guys are thinking 99% of the time without it being a porno.
Another film that disappoints on the massive potential to smash Wilt level poontang is Ricky Gervais’ The Invention of Lying. He’s the only person in the world who can lie or who doesn’t take everything literally. Think about the possibilities....
But no, Ricky gets all moral and ethical about it. -
@rancid-schnitzel said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
Ok, forget any 80s shite posted so far.....we have an undeniable winner here....@Rancid-Schnitzel check out the horrific fight scene in the first minute.....
Jesus....
Was that Helen Hunt BTW? I’ll bet this film is more entertaining than that god awful sitcom she was in.
I lost all respect for Mel Gibson in that movie with her where he could hear women’s thoughts. Did he utilise this gift to manipulate chicks and smash more box than Wilt Chamberlain ????? No, he spent his time “understanding” Helen Hunts character. What a softcock.
I think there was a remake of that film but with a chick. No doubt it’s absolutely terrible. But tbf I can’t see how you can make an honest film about what guys are thinking 99% of the time without it being a porno.
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@rancid-schnitzel said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
Ok, forget any 80s shite posted so far.....we have an undeniable winner here....@Rancid-Schnitzel check out the horrific fight scene in the first minute.....
Jesus....
Was that Helen Hunt BTW? I’ll bet this film is more entertaining than that god awful sitcom she was in.
I lost all respect for Mel Gibson in that movie with her where he could hear women’s thoughts. Did he utilise this gift to manipulate chicks and smash more box than Wilt Chamberlain ????? No, he spent his time “understanding” Helen Hunts character. What a softcock.
I think there was a remake of that film but with a chick. No doubt it’s absolutely terrible. But tbf I can’t see how you can make an honest film about what guys are thinking 99% of the time without it being a porno.
Another film that disappoints on the massive potential to smash Wilt level poontang is Ricky Gervais’ The Invention of Lying. He’s the only person in the world who can lie or who doesn’t take everything literally. Think about the possibilities....
But no, Ricky gets all moral and ethical about it.Exactly. Blokes CANNOT meet any attractive woman without thinking ( even in passing ) what it would be like to root them.
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@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
Ok, forget any 80s shite posted so far.....we have an undeniable winner here....@Rancid-Schnitzel check out the horrific fight scene in the first minute.....
Jesus....
Was that Helen Hunt BTW? I’ll bet this film is more entertaining than that god awful sitcom she was in.
I lost all respect for Mel Gibson in that movie with her where he could hear women’s thoughts. Did he utilise this gift to manipulate chicks and smash more box than Wilt Chamberlain ????? No, he spent his time “understanding” Helen Hunts character. What a softcock.
I think there was a remake of that film but with a chick. No doubt it’s absolutely terrible. But tbf I can’t see how you can make an honest film about what guys are thinking 99% of the time without it being a porno.
Another film that disappoints on the massive potential to smash Wilt level poontang is Ricky Gervais’ The Invention of Lying. He’s the only person in the world who can lie or who doesn’t take everything literally. Think about the possibilities....
But no, Ricky gets all moral and ethical about it.Exactly. Blokes CANNOT meet any attractive woman without thinking ( even in passing ) about what it would be like to root them.
Hell I often can't go past an average woman without checking them out briefly. There's got to be at least one part that is worth a look
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@antipodean said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
Ok, forget any 80s shite posted so far.....we have an undeniable winner here....@Rancid-Schnitzel check out the horrific fight scene in the first minute.....
To think people got paid for that.
... and.... 6 more of them, apparently.
This, the original, is available on youtube in its entirety, and was good enough to start a franchise. -
@kruse said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@antipodean said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
Ok, forget any 80s shite posted so far.....we have an undeniable winner here....@Rancid-Schnitzel check out the horrific fight scene in the first minute.....
To think people got paid for that.
... and.... 6 more of them, apparently.
This, the original, is available on youtube in its entirety, and was good enough to start a franchise.Holy shit, your best post ever. I’ll even choose to forget you having a go at my memes cos of this. Being free online appeals to my Scots heritage like you wouldn’t believe.
Fuck you all, I don’t care what you think, I’m watching the whole thing.
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@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@kruse said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@antipodean said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
Ok, forget any 80s shite posted so far.....we have an undeniable winner here....@Rancid-Schnitzel check out the horrific fight scene in the first minute.....
To think people got paid for that.
... and.... 6 more of them, apparently.
This, the original, is available on youtube in its entirety, and was good enough to start a franchise.Holy shit, your best post ever. I’ll even choose to forget you having a go at my memes cos of this. Being free online appeals to my Scots heritage like you wouldn’t believe.
Fuck you all, I don’t care what you think, I’m watching the whole thing.
TPFMMN5: Did you remember we’re going to the Thai place down the road for dinner ? I just have to finish some work then we’ll head down.....
MN5: Fuck........
Sorry fellas, rain check on the movie, I intend to do a full review tomorrow night.
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@kruse said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@rancid-schnitzel said in Re: Movie review thread...:
His career is not going strong:
Navy_Seals_vs._Zombies
And.... there's my Wednesday evening sorted.
Well... that was quite good.
Navy Seals vs Zombies....
There's some scene-defining, and then some sort of ruckus, and then some Navy Seals go in to kick ass and rescue the Vice-President, and there's some suspense-building, and then... HOLY SHIT - after all that suspense-building... it's ZOMBIES!And, overall, pretty much every B-grade movie box ticked.
- Protagonist with pregnant wife (instant heightened emotional stakes!)
- Vice-President in danger (it's always the VP in these... it makes the sub-standard security slightly more believable)
- terrible, terrible green-screen shot (mostly in the choice - why green-screen people free-falling, but then not include a more easily faked scene of parachutists landing?)
- Navy-fucking-Seals (for 1 mission, plus another in flash-back, involving zero water at all)
- flesh-eating-fucking-ZOMBIES, but of course it's probably actually a virus or a biological agent - 'cause we want our B-grade movies to be believable
- fat-guy-comic-relief
- and some spectacularly bad explosion effects. Like... Robot-Chicken bad, probably worse.
Overall - well, it's 4 muthafukking Navy Seals out of 5 easy-villians Zombies.
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Interviewer: Tim Thomerson, you’ve starred in the biggest load of Z Grade shit imaginable, how do you top that ?
Tim Thomerson: Hold my beer.....
@Rancid-Schnitzel please, for the love of god watch this trailer
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@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
Interviewer: Tim Thomerson, you’ve starred in the biggest load of Z Grade shit imaginable, how do you top that ?
Tim Thomerson: Hold my beer.....
@Rancid-Schnitzel please, for the love of god watch this trailer
Good God. What the holy hell was that?
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@rancid-schnitzel said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
Interviewer: Tim Thomerson, you’ve starred in the biggest load of Z Grade shit imaginable, how do you top that ?
Tim Thomerson: Hold my beer.....
@Rancid-Schnitzel please, for the love of god watch this trailer
Good God. What the holy hell was that?
It’s proof that my post about Trancers was bullshit.
This movie makes Trancers look like the first two Terminator movies. Incredible.
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@kruse said in Re: Movie review thread...:
I'm just going to assume everybody's seen Rowdy Roddy Piper's star vehicle - Hell Comes to Frogtown.
Is that the one where he turns up to kick ass and chew bubble gum and he’s all out of bubble gum ?
Robbed at the Oscars I tell you.
Navy Seals vs. Zombies - Wikipedia
