Parenting
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TR Jnr not in a happy place, not playing rugby this year, quit TKD, "goes" to the gym, but spends time on his ph, has in the past month decided he hates school, but being year 11 (form 5) its a year he needs to knuckle down and do some work, especially if he expects to leave school and do something more than work at a supermarket or maccas.
He had decided to speak to the guidance counsellor at school, turns out that probably very unhelpful.
I know they are there for the kids, but seems to have given TR jnr all these ideas about what could be wrong with him and why he spends hours gaming and on his ph as it is OK for him as he needs to escape and deal with it that way.
He apparently has anxiety, he is probably depressed or suffering PTSD from the mugging (that he was ok about until it was bought up, now doesn't want to catch the bus and anytime something comes up, its anxiety, depression or PTSD)
His behaviour has gotten worse since speaking to the counsellor.
So she's pretty rough out there, we just keep trucking on, trying to be positive and supportive, but bloody tough when the entitlement and aggro is everywhere, worse is Miss 12 sees his behaviour and so misbehaves too.
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@taniwharugby sorry to hear that fella,
after an extended running battle friday night and saturday morning, NZZP Jr pulled his head in, apologised and stepped up and copped some punishment.
Stoked wtih the outcome. Still going to have screen free time measured on a calendar, but he's 'owned' his carrying on like a pork chop.
mmmm, pork chops
Was feeling good until the Blues decided to shit the bed last night
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@nzzp to his credit he is pretty quick to apologise, is usually aware of the cause of the issue (right now, screentime) but seems unable to find things other than gaming (if he aint gaming, he watched people gaming) and IMO it is part of the problem with his learning this year too.
I gave him an example of going to the gym every day, and all he does is forearms, reading is his deadlift, puzzles are his squats etc, he needs to broaden his exercise range.
Again, he realises what he is doing isnt right, we have some fantastic conversations about it all, how he wants to improve, but he is unable to actually initiate any of the changes, no matter how much or what we try.
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@taniwharugby maybe talk about habit setting and coming up with a 15 day plan for the gym or some other activity. Like how he can go for something achievable and get confidence from doing it and seeing it through. The whole discipline trumps motivation approach.
Awesome you have a great relationship with him and talk about this stuff. That's gold, pure gold. -
@paekakboyz I keep suggesting to him that he needs to write down some goals, some for the next few weeks, some longer (school, home, gym etc) again, agrees it is a great idea...have a Geography assignment to complete this afternoon, so will try to incorporate that into it.
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bit of an update.
Geography assignment was a washout! Mrs TR and I pretty much did it while he sat there sighing and moaning about knowing nothing about the project, yet whenever Mrs TR and I were discussing points he certainly was able to contribute, but getting him to put it on paper (or in his laptop)
Then to make things worse, a girl he has been friends with for years, shared some personal stuff he had discussed with her to a friend, who twisted what he said and told a guy who he thought was a good mate, who then threatened to 'smash him' and had used the same 2 girls to try and entice TR Jnr onto the field, but another girl TR Jnr is mates with told him not to go, because they were luring him out there.
Then later the ex-mate was all ready to do it, but another boy who plays in our touch team, could see it escalating so grabbed the ex-mate and pulled him away calming it (this boy is a big lad and a real good kid, so was pleased he stepped in)
Been a rough lesson for TR Jnr about girls and mates (although he could see this friendship deteriorating the past few weeks, which is part of what he was discussing with girl he thought was a good friend and a factor in his attitude)
I mentioned above about the Counselor at school, we ended up meeting with him to talk about TR Jnr and the issues. Was a great meeting, and put alot of what TR Jnr was coming home with in perspective, and TR Jnrs interpretations of what the COunseler was suggesting vs what he said to us. was interesting.
Been a very good week this week, we have some goals written down for next term, some for school, some for home and some for fitness, will get into the rewards for hitting goals over the next week.
Have got some 'stress and anxiety' tabs, so will see if they make any difference (TBH I reckon I could give him a placebo and would likely work with him at present)
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@taniwharugby it's such a shit period of life to learn about friendship, trust etc. on top of everything else kids have to learn.
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Teenagers are little fluffybunnies.
The Boy has had a rough trot in early high school because of his insecurity and anxiety, having made some social errors in his first 2 years (ages 13-15). Felt like he was isolated etc. Doesn't help himself by latching onto one or two friends to the point of being cloying.
Some of the braindead little shitwads at his school don't help. Part of it is just the teenage hormone bully shit, but part of it is that they're genuine little cocks whose parents are also cocks.
The last year or so he's gone through some shit with girls and mostly taken it out on us, but that dam finally broke last year. Right now at almost-17 he seems pretty happy - got his subjects sorted out for the HSC and he's enjoying everything he picked (except English right now because The Great Gatsby which I fully understand).
He's sort of accepting now that he's someone who values small friendship circles highly - much like me - and getting a sense of achievement for himself rather than the praise of others - much like me.
I've taken him out for nearly 10 hours of driving practice so far and while it isn't good for the cardiac side of things
I think he's really valuing a life skill , despite putting it off for nearly a year. -
@taniwharugby sounds like you're doing everything you can mate, Jnr is lucky to have the parents he does.
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Teenagers are little fluffybunnies.
Amen to that.
Also, NZZP Jr just wandered around tonight with his friends sporting an honest to god Aaron Smith topknot which his lady friend helped him put together.
Not only that, he actually carried it off. I. Have. No. Words.
Image below:
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@antipodean and in hindsight we have realised alot of his behaviour and slipping in school work probably started around the time he ad this boy became mates just after lockdown.
Just have to let them learn and hope the road ain't too bumpy.
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I've taken him out for nearly 10 hours of driving practice so far and while it isn't good for the cardiac side of things
I think he's really valuing a life skill , despite putting it off for nearly a year.Good luck! We're still alive and kind if still like each other.
More shortly ...
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@antipodean said in Parenting:
@nzzp ugh.
The Boy is growing his hair out. Little fucker. Kind of suits his whole Spanish-guitar muso vibe.
Bald me fucking hates it. Jealous.
Let him do it while he can!
This
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So ... as alluded to above Ms Boo Jr now has P plates.
Will be allowed to drive car at discretion of her parents.
Was allowed car today to hang with buddies, go to maul etc.
Raised the question of what is she actually doing, where is she going etc ...
Mrs Boo sent me a message about an App called Life360, which apparently allows you track where said dependant is, how fast they're travelling etc etc.
We're thinking this is potentially kind of creepy and a little bit controlling, but I ask myself if Mona Blades or Anita Cobby had such an App ...
Your thought please parents of the Fern ...
