Movie review thread...
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@victor-meldrew said in Re: Movie review thread...:
Stowaway (2020) - Mission-to-Mars film where things go wrong. Yeah, original theme, isn't it?
God, this was so dire I actually fell asleep at one point. Crap dialogue, stereotypical crew members (the Chinese guy is always the scientist), so-so special effects and reasonable premise wrecked.
One 2001 monolith out of 5 Independence Day alien vampires
If the cat goes missing they know who to blame though
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@victor-meldrew looks like i dodged a bullet, went to watch that last night but the chrome cast played up so watched Napoleon Dynamite again instead.
Classic film!
4 sweet skills out of 5 votes for Pedro.
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Yeah, the sad thing was the film's premise was actually original and good - and deserved a better filmaker.
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@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
If the cat goes missing they know who to blame though
Thank fuck there were no bats on the spaceship.
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@snowy said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
He got his own fern thread when he died as opposed to tagging onto the “RIP 2020” one. That says it all.
I'm a little suspicious. Did you start the thread?
No
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@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@antipodean said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@mn5 said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@antipodean said in Re: Movie review thread...:
That level of ineptness is well suited to the actor.
Whoa, are you having a go at Sean or Harrison ? I’m just working out how triggered I need to be in response.
Connery.
That’s ok then. He only won Oscars, Golden Globes and became one of cinemas greatest ever icons but other than that he was quite shit.
Could argue he wasn't a great actor, but was a great movie star.
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Once more, into the breach...
Mortal Kombat - 2021 version
Just... look at the title, and write down everything you think you're going to get in this.
Well-done - you just wrote the review for me. 100% correct.
But, for the sake of any youngsters here who think Tekken is the greatest fighting video game franchise ever - you dumb millenial fucks...- Tit-watch: zero. Obviously there's the token female character Sonya Blade - but she keeps the girls tucked away safe and sound; the only other females are either monsters, or extremely token appearances to confirm the protaganist has a family, and he cares about them, and is a real human being, and blah blah fucking blah. Anyway - no tits.
- Violence - often cartoonish, sometimes extremely graphic. Just like the source material.
- Obligatory quotes from the source material... "Kano wins", "Flawless Victory", "Fatality", etc
- Most (not quite all) the classic characters from original MK, and a fair few shit ones from MK2/3/...
- Storyline/plot... practically non-existent, just the bare necessities to cram in the cartoonish-yet-graphic violence
- Set-up for a sequel that's never going to happen... check.
In summary - I guess you could say it's probably better than previous attempts at this or Streetfighter? And yeah - that's not saying much... is it Jean Claude Van-Damme?
Maybe the best thing I can say for it - is it prompted me to go and find an online-playable copy of MK2... and also download DosBox, to look at maybe installing a local copy of shit old games for shit-giggles-reminisces.
2.5 "Get Over Here!"s out of 5 "How is Kano the only character with a personality in this entire franchise?" -
Ah, fuck it... I said, as I downloaded....
Battle Star Wars (2020)
IMDB: When the leader of the evil Coalition threatens to destroy a Rebel planet for its resources, his daughter will have no choice but to join the Rebel side and fight for what is right.
I was soooo tempted to post this review in the StarWars thread - but figured it would "trigger" the easily-triggered folk who dwell there.
But yeah - if you hadn't guessed... this is pretty much an attempt at fixing everything that was wrong with the original Star Wars.- Lead bad guy... rather than wearing a kick-ass black robot suit and cape, is more relaxed in this - with what appears to be a smoking robe
- Rather than make George Lucas' insidious agenda of "we're trying to get kids to find machines sexually attractive" so subtle in the StarWars franchise (WTF StarWars nerds... really?) ... here, they just make the helpful robot a reasonably pretty fembot.
- Rather than throwing all the responsibility for carrying the baddies on the shoulders of one chap - the "force-choke" and "moving shit with the mind" powers lie with a henchman. (This might be why the Big-Bad is so relaxed, allowing the smoking robe)
- rather than some stupid pseudo-religion/order of "Knights" - we have the simple Paladin - only one of his kind left. Of course - he is fucking useless, and loses every single fight he gets into. Yet... seems to be constantly mentioned as if he is super important.
- 1977 StarWars creeped everybody out with the special effects ahead of its time, so this movie chose to go with the 1970s level special effects the original should have had
- there was some really confusing swapping between "your father (BigBad) is getting soft, henchman is doing him a favour by doing this" and nek-minnut: "henchman: I never did that, maybe you should ask... your father" - but I'm sure this is just some subtle undertones to the epic story that I'll get on a re-watch
- The scene of a holographic recording being played - came late in the piece, but delivered by reverting to a more "100% faithful to the source material" approach
For fans of Star Wars - highly, highly recommended.
For anybody else - obviously avoid, it's a piece of shit.
1 Paladin left in the universe, out of 5 Novaks (I never really understood what a Novak was - but I think it's like a Mandalorian, but with a couple of chains draped around his neck instead of a full suit of armour, and infinitely stupider)Edit: Shit - I nearly forgot the final scene - hinting at a sequel. The Coalition Hits Back?
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I think I'm late to this one but ... 'The King' was great. Even more stoked with Chalamet being cast in Dune. Who knew Edward the Vampire could play a mad Frenchman so well.
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I liked The King too but I always struggle with historical films portraying real events that are stupidly inaccurate. ie The Dauphin (Ed the vampire) did not take part in the battle and actually died some months later of dysentery.
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@catogrande that's actually a better ending imo! for him at least, as he was a shithead for sure!
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@paekakboyz said in Re: Movie review thread...:
I think I'm late to this one but ... 'The King' was great. Even more stoked with Chalamet being cast in Dune. Who knew Edward the Vampire could play a mad Frenchman so well.
My dislike of the Chalamet hype when this came out meant and it’s length meant I didn’t get around to watching it. Since then I’ve stopped disliking Chalamet so much so I might add this to my queue.
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I didn't watch any of the gazillion Saw films after the first, which was alright, creepy enough for back in the day. Kinda want to watch this...
Nothing to do with max minghella being in it...
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@r-l said in Re: Movie review thread...:
I didn't watch any of the gazillion Saw films after the first, which was alright, creepy enough for back in the day. Kinda want to watch this...
Nothing to do with max minghella being in it...
Despite the fact they are absolutely beyond implausible the Saw films are pretty decent.
Will be weird seeing Chris Rock being serious though !
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@mn5 yeah I really like Chris Rock. I hope i don't have to watch the others to know what's going on in this one.
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@r-l said in Re: Movie review thread...:
@mn5 yeah I really like Chris Rock. I hope i don't have to watch the others to know what's going on in this one.
I would to be honest, they’re pretty good, rather gory though.
