Movie review thread...
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@MN5 said in Movie review thread...:
@Kiwiwomble said in Movie review thread...:
Still watching the lord of the rings extended editions….fuck the charge of the Rohirrim is one of the greatest moments in cinema, barely survive helms deep… muster an army ride three days straight…give that speech basically saying we’re all dead but let’s take some mother fuckers with us…and then charge blindly into an arms multiple time your size…might rewind and watch again
Kevin Smith either produces gold or absolute shit. That there was awesome.
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Gunnery Sergeant Burns reports for duty to an American Embassy in the Middle East. However due to the 'enlightened' views of the Ambassador, the marine security detachment he is in charge of is severely restricted in their functions and presence to avoid upsetting the host government. As a result, when terrorists attack the compound, they are able to kidnap hostages and escape with little opposition. Burns ignores the Ambassador's restrictions, and throws the rule books out the window, as he becomes a one man army in an attempt to rescue the hostages, and wipe out the terrorists.
Will I watch this? Yes, yes I will.
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just heard my first personally review of the new Avatar....thumbs up generally but they did say the story almost felt like it was written by an AI...so as expected really hanging on the amazing visuals
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@MajorRage said in Movie review thread...:
Bad Santa 2.
Basically the same as Bad Santa. With the addition of an excellent Kathy Bates.
It's low brow, foul mouthed toilet humour with a pretty flimsy plot full of bullshit happenings.
4 fucks out of 5 fuckin's.
Bad Santa is absolute class……you’ve just given me an idea for a thread…..
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@Tim said in Movie review thread...:
Gunnery Sergeant Burns reports for duty to an American Embassy in the Middle East. However due to the 'enlightened' views of the Ambassador, the marine security detachment he is in charge of is severely restricted in their functions and presence to avoid upsetting the host government. As a result, when terrorists attack the compound, they are able to kidnap hostages and escape with little opposition. Burns ignores the Ambassador's restrictions, and throws the rule books out the window, as he becomes a one man army in an attempt to rescue the hostages, and wipe out the terrorists.
Will I watch this? Yes, yes I will.
Grrr, I had to google to find out what this is, but had it on my video store rotation back in the day.
Ambulance: A lowish budget Michael Bay film, I think he just replaced helicopters for drones, about two brothers who do a bank robbery and then try to escape in an Ambulance with a hottie EMT and dying policeman. Stars Jake Gyllenhall, the above mentioned hottie, and a black dude who plays the other brother who was good in it.
It's watchable for Bay, not Transformers 2 onwards bad, but not close to The Rock. He tried to do a better than Heat shootout between robbers and cops but didn't get close.
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Violent Night
40 minutes of my life I’ll never get back
Rubbish, what I saw
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@MiketheSnow said in Movie review thread...:
Violent Night
40 minutes of my life I’ll never get back
Rubbish, what I saw
You need to tell us why it’s rubbish.
Reviews like this make me want to go and see it
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@MiketheSnow 40 mins is short for a movie...
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All I could stick
Surfeit of ham = Turkey
The people making it thought it was funnier than it was
Tried too hard to be cool
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@Tim said in Movie review thread...:
Okay - finally watched this.
Steele Justice
Holy fuck, is this good.- I still can't decide if this was a parody well ahead of its time, or just pure unbridled 1980s action movie distilled into its purest form, without any cynicism
- In either case - EVERY single cliche of 1980s action movies - boiled down into 90 minutes
- I fucking dare you to come up with one that wasn't covered
- PLUS - one I've never seen before. Within the first minute, I said to myself.. "Is that fluffybunny wearing a snake as a necklace? An obviously venomous live snake, as a fucking necklace?"
- It was soon made abundantly clear - that yes, this fluffybunny was wearing a live fucking venomous snake as a necklace. And in moments of danger, spent more time/care making sure that he was still wearing said live fucking venomous snake as a necklace, than taking attention of his battleground surroundings
- Fluffybunny still had his live fucking venomous snake 12 years later, by the way. I know it's churlish to query the lifetimes of live fucking venomous snakes in the context of what I'm watching, but... I fucking hate live fucking venomous snakes.
- EVERY cliche of 1980s action movies. In a neat little package.
How do you rate that anything but 5-fucking-everythings out of 5-what-else-could-they-do?
Time travel? Laser guns or swords? Fucking dwarves? It had a fucking dwarf. Even the nerds can't complain about this shit. It had EVERY.THING.But tits. Shit, come to think of it... tit-watch: zero. ? Not even a strip-bar scene. Fuck. WORST MOVIE EVER.
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Astonishing Tales of Terror: Rocktapussy
Ahhh... there we go. Within 5 minutes, a nice relaxing strip-bar scene. A suspiciously conservative strip-tease act, however, until... oh, it makes sense. Shit. We're not going to actually see her tits.- Spoiler alert - yes we do. A lot. Later.
- I spent a lot of this movie thinking "this is a remarkably coherent and slow-paced movie, considering its title"
- And then... I stopped thinking that
- So yeah... game of two halves
- First half - slow-paced, not many rocktapussies or any mayhem one would associate with a rocktapussy
- Second half - overload on the rocktapussy. Still not really sure what a rocktapussy is, or why it would require a knight in mediaval armour to achieve its goals... but rocktapussy was rocktapussy-ing the fuck out of this shit.
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- Oh, yeah, and ... first-half - tit-watch = plenty of teasing
- Oh, oh, oh.... ah. - second-half - tit-watch = lots. Lots, and lots. Big ol' titties. Blood-splattered titties.
MUCH better than expected.
4.5 subterranean-octopi out of 5 silicon-enhanced journalist-scum.
(It's always refreshing when the bad-guys win) -
Glass Onion
About as many layers as 2-ply toilet paper
If the money spent on it is correct then this could be the vanity project which brings Netflix down
Seen better performances and story in local an-dram farces
Effects were good though
2 gherkins out of 5 that’s shollot
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@MiketheSnow said in Movie review thread...:
Glass Onion
About as many layers as 2-ply toilet paper
If the money spent on it is correct then this could be the vanity project which brings Netflix down
Seen better performances and story in local an-dram farces
Effects were good though
2 gherkins out of 5 that’s shollot
You and I clearly aren't in tune with movie choices at the moment - I liked both this and Violent Night.
As for the money spent, it wasn't hugely expensive ($30-$40m), brought in $15m from a limited cinema release (might have made close to $300m if released properly) and has decent watching hours so far. So I don't think it's going to be the failure you're suggesting.
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@Nepia said in Movie review thread...:
@MiketheSnow said in Movie review thread...:
Glass Onion
About as many layers as 2-ply toilet paper
If the money spent on it is correct then this could be the vanity project which brings Netflix down
Seen better performances and story in local an-dram farces
Effects were good though
2 gherkins out of 5 that’s shollot
You and I clearly aren't in tune with movie choices at the moment - I liked both this and Violent Night.
As for the money spent, it wasn't hugely expensive ($30-$40m), brought in $15m from a limited cinema release (might have made close to $300m if released properly) and has decent watching hours so far. So I don't think it's going to be the failure you're suggesting.
From a US Forum
"Reportedly, NF paid $450M for two Knives Out films, this one and another forthcoming entry.
But, yeah, I, too am flummoxed by their spending considering Glass Onion only cost $40M to make…
Additionally, based on its one-week theatrical take, which was estimated at $15M, had they kept it in theaters for at least 30-days, chances are they could have recouped at least the cost of the film itself.
I am finding it hard to believe that they have amassed $450M worth of new subscribers just for this film alone… " -
@MiketheSnow said in Movie review thread...:
@Nepia said in Movie review thread...:
@MiketheSnow said in Movie review thread...:
Glass Onion
About as many layers as 2-ply toilet paper
If the money spent on it is correct then this could be the vanity project which brings Netflix down
Seen better performances and story in local an-dram farces
Effects were good though
2 gherkins out of 5 that’s shollot
You and I clearly aren't in tune with movie choices at the moment - I liked both this and Violent Night.
As for the money spent, it wasn't hugely expensive ($30-$40m), brought in $15m from a limited cinema release (might have made close to $300m if released properly) and has decent watching hours so far. So I don't think it's going to be the failure you're suggesting.
From a US Forum
"Reportedly, NF paid $450M for two Knives Out films, this one and another forthcoming entry.
But, yeah, I, too am flummoxed by their spending considering Glass Onion only cost $40M to make…
Additionally, based on its one-week theatrical take, which was estimated at $15M, had they kept it in theaters for at least 30-days, chances are they could have recouped at least the cost of the film itself.
I am finding it hard to believe that they have amassed $450M worth of new subscribers just for this film alone… "Seems a weird deal, Netflix must have been drunk when they made it. I guess they have some kind of metric they use when they make the offer.
Good for Craig and Johnson though as they apparently are getting $100m each, with a $40m budget (which I guess isn't the real budget once you factor in their salaries) on each movie I wonder where the other $170m goes?
Although the new subscribers comment in that quote is a bit silly, it's all about retention these days.
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Just go see Avatar. It's incredible.
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@mariner4life said in Movie review thread...:
Just go see Avatar. It's incredible.
Yeah, I can't wait for a three hour sit through of shit.
