Movie review thread...
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@MN5 said in Movie review thread...:
@Catogrande said in Movie review thread...:
Ask your Mum
Well, we did have a massive garage that was always locked up back in the day
Strange place to put your mum.
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@Kruse said in Movie review thread...:
I can't find the post which suggest I watch this. But...
Babezilla vs the Zombie (W)Horde
Fuck me.
This damned near had me bailing out, even though the first 4 minutes was a strip scene... with full tits, and full nudity.- In fact - of the first 10 minutes (of a 1-hour 'movie') - 4 minutes of full nudity strip scene, and 2.5 minutes of the same stripper fellating an iceblock.
- The entire thing seemed to be an advert for 1 silicon-breasted whore
- Just an hour of D-grade nonsense
- Highlights:
- [SPOILER] - Babezilla's tits shooting lasers. And then the "Super-Quiff Cannon!"...
- Babezilla giving the exposition about how she became Babezilla [SPOILER]: mother from lizard-people on Uranus, and father an earth-man... and the camera just switching almost immediately to a close-up of her tits. A spectacular "nobody's listening, look at those tits".
For anybody considering watching this, this is a pretty good representative sample of the movie - an image of POTUS:
Oh.. Tit-Watch: MANY. Many, many, many... most of which I never wanted to see.And SUCH bad music. Friends of the 'movie'-makers... doing shit rock and white-rap. "I'm horny at the end of the world... All I see is a zombie herd of dead girls...."
In case you might avoid watching this because you think the above has spelled it all out for you... NOPE... there is SOOOO much more to unpick, or enjoy.
5 sweet but silicon laser-shooting titties out of 5 very non-plastic and non-attractive titties.
(To be clear, though - there were more than 5 titties. Many more.)Outstanding review will try convince the wife to watch.. if I can will reply with her feedback
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Just watched this again:
John Wick-
I believe there's a chump here on The Fern who has repeatedly stated "I've never seen a John Wick"
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Give yourself a fucking upper-cut, then fall backwards into a field of dicks.
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You dick.
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Nobody should ever be allowed to extol the virtues of ANY 80's action movie, but think that "I've never watched a John Wick" is some sort of acceptable comment. Fuck you. Fuck you bloody.
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It's just fucking class. 1980's dumb action movie, done well, with 2000's-level 'swagger' driving it.
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If any fluffybunny types "I've never seen a John Wick film" again on this forum, I will find him, I will judge him, and I will hurt him in ways he never imagined. Watch it, you ignorant fluffybunny.
5 headshots out of the 5-unnecessary-headshots.
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@Kruse said in Movie review thread...:
Just watched this again:
John Wick-
I believe there's a chump here on The Fern who has repeatedly stated "I've never seen a John Wick"
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Give yourself a fucking upper-cut, then fall backwards into a field of dicks.
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You dick.
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Nobody should ever be allowed to extol the virtues of ANY 80's action movie, but think that "I've never watched a John Wick" is some sort of acceptable comment. Fuck you. Fuck you bloody.
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It's just fucking class. 1980's dumb action movie, done well, with 2000's-level 'swagger' driving it.
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If any fluffybunny types "I've never seen a John Wick film" again on this forum, I will find him, I will judge him, and I will hurt him in ways he never imagined. Watch it, you ignorant fluffybunny.
5 headshots out of the 5-unnecessary-headshots.
JW is stylish, mindless high body count fun. The Ana de Armas spinoff should be good, if for no other reason than to see Ana shoot guns
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@Nepia said in Movie review thread...:
@Kruse said in Movie review thread...:
@canefan said in Movie review thread...:
Other food themed/restaurant themed movies I really enjoyed
Eat, Drink, Man, Woman
Chef
Always be my Maybe
Julie and JuliaEating Raoul
RavenousConsidering we're on a forum mostly concerned with rugby I'm a bit disappointed you didn't include Alive.
Or Ratatouille
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65
My assumption of how this movie came to be...- Darth Angst finishes filming Star Warsies...
- Gets stoned with mates
- "Wow man, how did they come up with those crazy different planets man? Like... a whole planet of desert... that blows my mind, man."
- "But yeah - that'd be, like, normal for them, man... "
- "Like how Earth is normal for us... but, like... imagine if one of them came to Earth, man... like..."
- "Yeah, like how would they take this Pizza Hut... man?"
- "OH SHIT! What if they came here when it was like dinosaurs and shit... man?"
- "Woooooaaaahhhh...."
- Wakes up in the morning, realises that's actually a pretty simple idea/plot for a riff on sci-fi movies, without needing to think up any aliens
Anyway, review:
- I was pretty fucking tired, defences down, but I actually laughed at a couple of the dumb gags; actually felt feels at a couple of the dumb "feel some emotions here" parts; and actually jumped/started at a couple of the obviously telegraphed scares.
- Tit-watch: zero. She's like.. 12, man. What the actual fuck?
- But Darth Angst - he's fucking ripped, innit? For some reason I'm always surprised... you just see that face and think "angsty dweeb". And then he's somehow some sort of jacked-to-fuck superman. I don't like it.
- Stupid predictable timewaster. Can't complain.
3 human characters out of 5 dinosaur characters.
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Living with Bill Nighy. Re-make of a Kurasawa film. Great acting (particularly from Nighy), script, cinematography, production values etc, but a weirdly empty and forgettable film.
Bit disappointing overall.
3 Zombie Brain Patterns out of 5 Vulcan Mind Melds.
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Thinking I might have to watch this one:
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@booboo said in Movie review thread...:
Guardians of the Galaxy 3
Think Gardians of the Galaxy with mutant lifeforms, and a backstory for Rocket.
That is all.
4 squishy fleshy things out of 5 I am Groot
I’ve been off the Marvel train, latest movies have been average at best.
GotG3 was outstanding. Story was good, and Rockets backstory, Jesus H Christ.
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@Tim said in Movie review thread...:
Thinking I might have to watch this one:
The write up sounds about as Z Grade as you could possibly get. I shudder to think what the actual movie is like.
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The Mother. Starring J-Lo and a host of no names plus Joseph Fiennes aka “the most punchable face in movies”.
I guess it all started with the Long Kiss Goodnight. The idea of a strong woman that can kick some serious ass and why not? Since then there have been quite a few, Ava, Atomic Blonde, et al, many of them quite good. But it seems to me there is a law of diminishing returns as the same story of hot woman with a past, gets wronged, then get’s revenge and saves the kid she’s never met, gets rinsed and repeated. On that note The Mother does not disappoint, it is the story we all know and love. Where it does disappoint, and it does this royally, is that the writing, acting, story arc are sooo formulaic it is laughable. Add in The limp wristed Joseph Fiennes as an ex-SAS, hard man gone bad and you have a candidate for the Razzies right there. Whoever was responsible for casting that Poodlefaker as a tough guy needs shooting.
This stinks like a Boxing Day turd. Netflix, give me my money back.
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The Hangover - with the kids. Miss 13 liked it but has that righteousness that only teenage girls have so tried hard to not appreciate all all of it.
The boys though, 10 and 14, thought it was the best movie ever. Alan just never stops being funny.
5 roofies out of 5 naked chinamen
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@voodoo said in Movie review thread...:
The Hangover - with the kids. Miss 13 liked it but has that righteousness that only teenage girls have so tried hard to not appreciate all all of it.
The boys though, 10 and 14, thought it was the best movie ever. Alan just never stops being funny.
5 roofies out of 5 naked chinamen
Definitely Mike Tysons best film role.
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@voodoo said in Movie review thread...:
The Hangover - with the kids. Miss 13 liked it but has that righteousness that only teenage girls have so tried hard to not appreciate all all of it.
The boys though, 10 and 14, thought it was the best movie ever. Alan just never stops being funny.
5 roofies out of 5 naked chinamen
You should get the boys to watch Old Skool, another Todd Phillips classic. You'll get to see Elisha Cuthbert as well....
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@voodoo said in Movie review thread...:
@canefan You’re my boy blue!
It's such a great film. Will Ferrell is a better supporting act than a headliner IMHO, he was brilliant as Frank. The whole cast was great and it's high level low brow fun
