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@antipodean good thing you can only get herpes once, eh?
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@antipodean said in Happiness Scale:
@Kruse said in Happiness Scale:
So... rather than a new thread, or re-starting the "Life Changes"... I'm using this.
Been recently offered the chance of work moving me to, my option of, ....Guadalajara (famous for Mariachi music, tequila; and has active Cartel activity. All plus-sides in my book. But... shit salary)
North Carolina (apparently good biking in the West? But sounds boring as fuck otherwise. And... seppos.)
Vancouver (maybe... this is probably going to be shutdown by the Org, but... "we can ask")
Montreal (French-speaking... is it really an issue?)
Toronto (sounds like a standard/boring big city?)Any insights into any of those places? Opinions?
If the role can be done from any of those locations, I'd argue for a specific rate and then live in Mexico. I went to uni with too many Canadians to want to subject myself to that again.
That was my original plan, but don't think it's going to work like that, unfortunately. Guadalajara was definitely near the top of my thinking, until I got told they'd pay me pesos.
So maybe I take Toronto pay, then fuck off to Letterkenny ASAP.
Ideal:- Pay me Toronto salary
- I'll live nearby for Summer
- Guadalajara for Winter
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This morning I asked The Boy (now 19) if he'd be willing to trade in half his $50/month allowance for faster internet. He said "fuck yes" because PS5. Took it to Mrs TA and she demurred, saying we should just claim it on tax anyway and why cut him out over it? OK.
- Worth noting he works at the local Dan Murphys and earns about $500 a week. Lives here rent free but buys his own booze.
Later today, I was sitting on the couch with my phone out in the family area of the kitchen.
The Boy (now 19) comes out and I hear him grab a drink, but he's behind me so I don't see what.
Mrs TA comes out from her office at that point, and archly inquires what he's doing with Midori at 4PM on a Monday afternoon.
He calmly informs her he wants a drink, and she isn't going to change his mind.
A fairly cold discussion ensues, and he goes back to his room.- Context: per my previous posts, Mrs TA's Dad was an alco and died recently from a whole host of things related to him being an alco.
I then get the "Why didn't you back me up?" treatment.
I explained the discussions I had with The Boy several times about the drinking and why it was not healthy (I used her old man as a reference point). Of course he thanked me for the advice at the time and said he didn't have an issue.
Besides coming home fucked up a couple of times (haven't we all?) I have no reason to believe he's got an issue.
Now it's cold as shit in here, but I take solace in the fact she's probably cycling in the next few days so isn't rational.
I'll have a word to him about timing...
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Also today, Miss TA (15.75) is exploring her indepdence by going up to the local shops or Maccas after school, and getting stern reminders to be home by 5PM etc.
She got the bus home today in particular - a grand total of 2km away - and things got a bit snippy.
Miss TA wants to go away for University (which I applaud, having done that myself) and Mrs TA is freaking out about it (because she grew up in Sydney with everything nearby).
I think the prospect of an empty nest is starting to hit home with her, along with the loss of control that entails.
I guess I'm chopped liver in this scenario...
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@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
Also today, Miss TA (15.75) is exploring her indepdence by going up to the local shops or Maccas after school, and getting stern reminders to be home by 5PM etc.
She got the bus home today in particular - a grand total of 2km away - and things got a bit snippy.
Miss TA wants to go away for University (which I applaud, having done that myself) and Mrs TA is freaking out about it (because she grew up in Sydney with everything nearby).
I think the prospect of an empty nest is starting to hit home with her, along with the loss of control that entails.
I guess I'm chopped liver in this scenario...
You might as well be the male spider after the mating
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@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
.....I'll have a word to him about timing...
That's top class Dad advice right there.
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@Catogrande said in Happiness Scale:
@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
.....I'll have a word to him about timing...
That's top class Dad advice right there.
As I said to her: if you tell your kid not to do something they like, what do you think the likely outcome will be?
Instead, be responsible enough to remember the last hangover.
When I talked to her about maybe buying less snack food to help with his growing waistline, she got very spiky indeed.
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@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
You might as well be the male spider after the mating
Or the male lion and go fuck something else.
Death of her parents still obviously a factor in her mood, but it is starting to wear a little thin in light of the lack of engagement she provides in our relationship.
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@NTA I’m confused. At risk of sounding like Mrs NTA, he earns money and lives at home but you pay him an allowance and provide enough bandwidth for him to sit in his room playing games all day?
On top of that he drinks Midori? Should be out in the street for that alone. -
@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
You might as well be the male spider after the mating
Or the male lion and go fuck something else.
Death of her parents still obviously a factor in her mood, but it is starting to wear a little thin in light of the lack of engagement she provides in our relationship.
Perhaps you should. This is something you've been upset about for years now. She takes you for granted and that's completely fÅcked.
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@Rancid-Schnitzel said in Happiness Scale:
@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
@canefan said in Happiness Scale:
You might as well be the male spider after the mating
Or the male lion and go fuck something else.
Death of her parents still obviously a factor in her mood, but it is starting to wear a little thin in light of the lack of engagement she provides in our relationship.
Perhaps you should. This is something you've been upset about for years now. She takes you for granted and that's completely fÅcked.
I'm going to do a Dear Dolly and reply as I'm not convinced that is the advice you should be reading. (RS blocks my posts anyway so it doesn't matter).
If you need to get your rocks off and could do so in a 'safe' manner then go for it but from what little I know of you from over the years , you don't seem to be the type of bloke that would do that without it eating you up.
If you are so unhappy that you see that as an option then be upfront about the possibility. From memory you have been down this discussion path before and tried the 'right way' to deal with things.
Tell her you are unhappy, that you understand why things might be as they are but that you need a plan with her to get out of the funk ( a light at the end of the tunnel).
Go away together for a long weekend. Leave the kids to look after themselves.
Time you both started looking after yourselves rather than others.
You've been a bit of a rock from what we know but the family needs to understand that rocks can break. -
@Crucial yeah, beat me too it, i think i stopped getting an allowance at 15-16
also a midori at 4pm on a monday afternoon does sound a little weird...not like he's had a hard day down the mines or on a construction site
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@Crucial said in Happiness Scale:
@NTA I’m confused. At risk of sounding like Mrs NTA, he earns money and lives at home but you pay him an allowance and provide enough bandwidth for him to sit in his room playing games all day?
The allowance started when he was younger as part of the "do your chores" thing, but Mrs TA never actually penalises them when they don't.
When the bins don't get taken out, I go to the boy and say "Take the bins out now". When she gets there first, she takes the bins out then complains that
A. The bins weren't taken out
B. She would ask him but then he'd just get angry about it.On top of that he drinks Midori? Should be out in the street for that alone.
He bought it for making cocktails. Also drinks the occasional vodka cruiser.
Shocking I know but he is also well into bourbon and beer.
I've tried my best.
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@Crucial said in Happiness Scale:
from what little I know of you from over the years , you don't seem to be the type of bloke that would do that without it eating you up.
100%. It was more a throwaway line in relation to the animal kingdom.
I was cheated on once, long ago, and could never bring myself to do that to someone else.
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To be clear, I wasn't advocating for @NTA to simply go get his rocks off. This is obviously something that goes far deeper than simply sex. It's about being valued, wanted and listened to. A lot of guys struggle with not being the number one priority after kids come into the picture, but NTA doesn't appear to have that issue at all. Ultimately life sometimes means that you won't be even be 2,3,4 etc. but you at least expect to make the bench! When even that is asking too much then that is a serious problem. It would be nice to think that this is simply a case of talking or a couple of days away but I unfortunately doubt it. Some women become incredibly myopic and take offence even if the issue is raised. Cue gaslighting and deflection. In this case even suggesting that buying too much crap food for son isn't good for him is met with push back.
Obviously exhaust all options, but this has been going on for ages. Time to think about what kind of relationship and life you want going forward. Maybe the grass isn't greener on the other side, but you shouldn't have to accept being miserable.
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@Rancid-Schnitzel said in Happiness Scale:
To be clear, I wasn't advocating for @NTA to simply go get his rocks off. This is obviously something that goes far deeper than simply sex. It's about being valued, wanted and listened to. A lot of guys struggle with not being the number one priority after kids come into the picture, but NTA doesn't appear to have that issue at all. Ultimately life sometimes means that you won't be even be 2,3,4 etc. but you at least expect to make the bench! When even that is asking too much then that is a serious problem. It would be nice to think that this is simply a case of talking or a couple of days away but I unfortunately doubt it. Some women become incredibly myopic and take offence even if the issue is raised. Cue gaslighting and deflection. In this case even suggesting that buying too much crap food for son isn't good for him is met with push back.
Obviously exhaust all options, but this has been going on for ages. Time to think about what kind of relationship and life you want going forward. Maybe the grass isn't greener on the other side, but you shouldn't have to accept being miserable.
Without a word of a lie if there was a fire and the potential future mrs MN5 only had time to choose between saving me or the cat lets just say it wouldn’t even need to use one of it’s nine lives and I’d be fucked.
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@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
@Crucial said in Happiness Scale:
from what little I know of you from over the years , you don't seem to be the type of bloke that would do that without it eating you up.
100%. It was more a throwaway line in relation to the animal kingdom.
I was cheated on once, long ago, and could never bring myself to do that to someone else.
I’ve been a cheater and to this day feel like an absolute fluffybunny about it. Came very near to running my life, thank goodness things have been forgiven and we’ve all moved on.
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@Crucial said in Happiness Scale:
From memory you have been down this discussion path before and tried the 'right way' to deal with things.
Tell her you are unhappy, that you understand why things might be as they are but that you need a plan with her to get out of the funk ( a light at the end of the tunnel).
Go away together for a long weekend. Leave the kids to look after themselves.
Time you both started looking after yourselves rather than others.All good advice.
You're right in that I've tried to bring my concerns about our relationship to a discussion. I've left the kids out of that to date because it shouldn't be their problem, but their relationship is also souring with their Mum because she wants them to live exactly like she did.
All you can do is provide advice, let them learn from their own mistakes, and make them clean up after themselves.
Otherwise in ten years she'll be bitching that they're sitting around our house doing nothing ... well The Boy might. Miss TA is going to fly the coop as soon as she can I think, and while I'll miss her, I'll be immensely proud.
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You've been a bit of a rock from what we know but the family needs to understand that rocks can break.
Perspective is the other issue: she won't see my role in this as more stressful or damaging than what she's been through. It is a little selfish TBH and I've let it ride while her Mum was dying, but probably time to bring it to a head.
Which is going to suck...
Happiness Scale
