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@Crucial said in Happiness Scale:
@NTA I’m confused. At risk of sounding like Mrs NTA, he earns money and lives at home but you pay him an allowance and provide enough bandwidth for him to sit in his room playing games all day?
The allowance started when he was younger as part of the "do your chores" thing, but Mrs TA never actually penalises them when they don't.
When the bins don't get taken out, I go to the boy and say "Take the bins out now". When she gets there first, she takes the bins out then complains that
A. The bins weren't taken out
B. She would ask him but then he'd just get angry about it.On top of that he drinks Midori? Should be out in the street for that alone.
He bought it for making cocktails. Also drinks the occasional vodka cruiser.
Shocking I know but he is also well into bourbon and beer.
I've tried my best.
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@Crucial said in Happiness Scale:
from what little I know of you from over the years , you don't seem to be the type of bloke that would do that without it eating you up.
100%. It was more a throwaway line in relation to the animal kingdom.
I was cheated on once, long ago, and could never bring myself to do that to someone else.
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To be clear, I wasn't advocating for @NTA to simply go get his rocks off. This is obviously something that goes far deeper than simply sex. It's about being valued, wanted and listened to. A lot of guys struggle with not being the number one priority after kids come into the picture, but NTA doesn't appear to have that issue at all. Ultimately life sometimes means that you won't be even be 2,3,4 etc. but you at least expect to make the bench! When even that is asking too much then that is a serious problem. It would be nice to think that this is simply a case of talking or a couple of days away but I unfortunately doubt it. Some women become incredibly myopic and take offence even if the issue is raised. Cue gaslighting and deflection. In this case even suggesting that buying too much crap food for son isn't good for him is met with push back.
Obviously exhaust all options, but this has been going on for ages. Time to think about what kind of relationship and life you want going forward. Maybe the grass isn't greener on the other side, but you shouldn't have to accept being miserable.
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@Rancid-Schnitzel said in Happiness Scale:
To be clear, I wasn't advocating for @NTA to simply go get his rocks off. This is obviously something that goes far deeper than simply sex. It's about being valued, wanted and listened to. A lot of guys struggle with not being the number one priority after kids come into the picture, but NTA doesn't appear to have that issue at all. Ultimately life sometimes means that you won't be even be 2,3,4 etc. but you at least expect to make the bench! When even that is asking too much then that is a serious problem. It would be nice to think that this is simply a case of talking or a couple of days away but I unfortunately doubt it. Some women become incredibly myopic and take offence even if the issue is raised. Cue gaslighting and deflection. In this case even suggesting that buying too much crap food for son isn't good for him is met with push back.
Obviously exhaust all options, but this has been going on for ages. Time to think about what kind of relationship and life you want going forward. Maybe the grass isn't greener on the other side, but you shouldn't have to accept being miserable.
Without a word of a lie if there was a fire and the potential future mrs MN5 only had time to choose between saving me or the cat lets just say it wouldn’t even need to use one of it’s nine lives and I’d be fucked.
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@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
@Crucial said in Happiness Scale:
from what little I know of you from over the years , you don't seem to be the type of bloke that would do that without it eating you up.
100%. It was more a throwaway line in relation to the animal kingdom.
I was cheated on once, long ago, and could never bring myself to do that to someone else.
I’ve been a cheater and to this day feel like an absolute fluffybunny about it. Came very near to running my life, thank goodness things have been forgiven and we’ve all moved on.
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@Crucial said in Happiness Scale:
From memory you have been down this discussion path before and tried the 'right way' to deal with things.
Tell her you are unhappy, that you understand why things might be as they are but that you need a plan with her to get out of the funk ( a light at the end of the tunnel).
Go away together for a long weekend. Leave the kids to look after themselves.
Time you both started looking after yourselves rather than others.All good advice.
You're right in that I've tried to bring my concerns about our relationship to a discussion. I've left the kids out of that to date because it shouldn't be their problem, but their relationship is also souring with their Mum because she wants them to live exactly like she did.
All you can do is provide advice, let them learn from their own mistakes, and make them clean up after themselves.
Otherwise in ten years she'll be bitching that they're sitting around our house doing nothing ... well The Boy might. Miss TA is going to fly the coop as soon as she can I think, and while I'll miss her, I'll be immensely proud.
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You've been a bit of a rock from what we know but the family needs to understand that rocks can break.
Perspective is the other issue: she won't see my role in this as more stressful or damaging than what she's been through. It is a little selfish TBH and I've let it ride while her Mum was dying, but probably time to bring it to a head.
Which is going to suck...
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@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
You've been a bit of a rock from what we know but the family needs to understand that rocks can break.
Perspective is the other issue: she won't see my role in this as more stressful or damaging than what she's been through. It is a little selfish TBH and I've let it ride while her Mum was dying, but probably time to bring it to a head.
Which is going to suck...
The longer you leave it, the harder it will be to have the conversation.
Perhaps put thoughts to paper, which can allow you to edit emotionally stressed words/ phrasing out and give her time to understand and work through?
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@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
You've been a bit of a rock from what we know but the family needs to understand that rocks can break.
Perspective is the other issue: she won't see my role in this as more stressful or damaging than what she's been through. It is a little selfish TBH and I've let it ride while her Mum was dying, but probably time to bring it to a head.
Which is going to suck...
Tbh I think you need some kind of counselling or 3rd party assistance. I hope I'm wrong, but I foresee her getting all pissed off with you for having the temerity to question her perfection. You'll then retire hurt and angry and she'll get positive reinforcement from her toxic friends who only hear one side of the issue. It often takes an outsider to bang some sense into people and to give them a wake up call.
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@Rancid-Schnitzel said in Happiness Scale:
You'll then retire hurt and angry and she'll get positive reinforcement from her toxic friends who only hear one side of the issue.
TBF while her friends are very supportive of her, they're generally a level headed bunch.
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I'm not sure that's possible
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Dudes leg snapped in half right underneath my chest on Sunday, I was doing a squeeze ball, he was trying to steal and got cleaned by the guy which pushed his leg under me, then the cleaner (prop) landed on me. Fucking gross man, flashbacks are still making me nauseated.
But hey, I'm not him.
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@Bones said in Happiness Scale:
Dudes leg snapped in half right underneath my chest on Sunday, I was doing a squeeze ball, he was trying to steal and got cleaned by the guy which pushed his leg under me, then the cleaner (prop) landed on me. Fucking gross man, flashbacks are still making me nauseated.
But hey, I'm not him.
Fark that.
Dunno the right response to that ...
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@booboo said in Happiness Scale:
@Bones hope he's getting the right medical treatment.
Yeah he was well enough to message our captain just after having it reset that night and seemed in ok spirits, we called the game off immediately, no one was really in the mood.
Plus they would've had an extra player on the pitch.
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Happiness Scale
