Movie review thread...
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@MN5 said in Movie review thread...:
@mariner4life said in Movie review thread...:
Ok so my last review was of the worst movie I had seen in ages. Well, we damn near topped it.
The Beekeeper.
Jason statham playing Jason Statham, this time taking down cyber criminals.
This movie is fuuuucking terrible.
It was either written by AI, or some boomer who is scared of computers. In fact, the cyber criminals looked like updated versions of thr guys from Hackers.
Throw in for some reason a bunch of TMNT villains for additional ridiculousness
It's fucking awful. Do not fucking watch this movie.I sort of thought it was inevitable he would join Liam Neeson, Bruce Willis, John Travolta, Gerard Butler and Nicholas Cage in playing himself playing himself….
Fuck I miss the glory days of 80s and to a slightly lesser extent 90s action movies.
He's been doing it for 20 years. I've actually been catching up on a few of his older action films I hadn't seen lately (the Mechanics etc) lately and did a rewatch of Snatch and Lock Stock too. I genuinely find him watchable even in the bad films.
The weirdest one was the one where he was a homeless dude.
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@antipodean said in Movie review thread...:
Infinite Storm
Apparently based on a real story and if they took artistic liberty with it, they certainly didn't try to make it more interesting. Scenery is nice. Naomi Watts gets naked. Unfortunately not the Mulholland Dr. version of Naomi, but the 2022 one...
Movie feels longer than it is. Probably because it is mind numbingly boring.
I think I might just opt for the 2022 version than attempt to watch Mulholland Drive again.
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@Nepia said in Movie review thread...:
@MN5 said in Movie review thread...:
@mariner4life said in Movie review thread...:
Ok so my last review was of the worst movie I had seen in ages. Well, we damn near topped it.
The Beekeeper.
Jason statham playing Jason Statham, this time taking down cyber criminals.
This movie is fuuuucking terrible.
It was either written by AI, or some boomer who is scared of computers. In fact, the cyber criminals looked like updated versions of thr guys from Hackers.
Throw in for some reason a bunch of TMNT villains for additional ridiculousness
It's fucking awful. Do not fucking watch this movie.I sort of thought it was inevitable he would join Liam Neeson, Bruce Willis, John Travolta, Gerard Butler and Nicholas Cage in playing himself playing himself….
Fuck I miss the glory days of 80s and to a slightly lesser extent 90s action movies.
He's been doing it for 20 years. I've actually been catching up on a few of his older action films I hadn't seen lately (the Mechanics etc) lately and did a rewatch of Snatch and Lock Stock too. I genuinely find him watchable even in the bad films.
The weirdest one was the one where he was a homeless dude.
One of those guys who's led a charmed life. Making millions being himself and bagging hot models
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@mariner4life at least the casting was accurate to pitch a poor comedic saffa as a villain
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@mariner4life C'mon the dialogue was practically Shakespearean
"There is something wrong with The Hive. I am the Beekeeper. I must fix it"
cue explosions -
The biggest question mark is
How the fuck did they rope Jeremy Irons in to this shitstorm?
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@mariner4life said in Movie review thread...:
The biggest question mark is
How the fuck did they rope Jeremy Irons in to this shitstorm?
I was going to mention him. A vain attempt to legitimise the film? Probably just did it for the money
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He's been in some shockers
The Best Movies Starring Jeremy Irons
"The Lion King", "Die Hard With a Vengeance", "Dead Ringers", "The Mission", & "Inland Empire" are on The Best Movies Starring Jeremy Irons on Flickchart.
Eragon | Rotten Tomatoes
Discover reviews, ratings, and trailers for Eragon on Rotten Tomatoes. Stay updated with critic and audience scores today!
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@mariner4life said in Movie review thread...:
The biggest question mark is
How the fuck did they rope Jeremy Irons in to this shitstorm?
What I learnt from Hollowwood: obviously everything corrupt in US politics and intelligence is foreign-born with a nice voice. Hence Irons, Hopkins* etc.
*Who can play badass good guy bosses too. What a range!
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@dogmeat said in Movie review thread...:
Olivier starred in The Betsy a bad adaptation of a really bad 1970's potboiler.
Artistic integrity doesn't pay the rent.
Yeah and I’m fairly sure Alec Guinness was pissed off that people only knew him for playing Obi Wan Kenobi and not for all his ‘serious’ roles prior to that.
I’m sure all the cash flooding in helped ease his stress though.
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Movie length doco: Shackleton: The Greatest Story of Survival
Narrated/hosted by Tim Jarvis who has replicated parts of Shackleton's journey from Antarctica to the South Georgian Islands, hosts this doco which shows the wider story of thier trip to the antarctic and the almost year they were stuck there fore Shackleton and 5 others set sail in a keel less boat to the South Georgia to a Whaling station to seek help to rescue thier team.
Aside from maybe 10 mins where they showed the impact of climate change in South Georgia and gets a bit off the historical track, it was a great historical doco.
Shackleton: Death or Glory (TV Series 2013– ) ⭐ 7.3 | Reality-TV
Shackleton: Death or Glory: With Tim Jarvis. Explorer Tim Jarvis and crew use replica boat, equipment, and clothing from 1914 to retrace Sir Ernest Shackleton's Antarctic rescue mission, going beyond the point of no return to uncover secrets of Shackleton's survival.
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@taniwharugby strongly recommend reading Endurance - Shackleton's Incredible Voyage By Lansing, Alfred if you haven't.
Haven't seen that doco yet, but will now. The book is amazing.
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I've been distracted for a while - watching movies I'd already seen, but while stoned... completely different experience.
- Long-story-short - I've never liked Mary-Jane, as my memories of trying it as a teenager were always me getting super-fucked-up. Being older, with legal weed available, I felt obliged to try it again... but smarter. A single puff of a joint... and just chill.
- Anyway, even with the much more restrained approach - every single time I watched a movie, I had many many thoughts about shit to write, but too lazy/paranoid to do it at the time. And forgot about them by the next day. Stereotypical stoner.
- I do recall: fucking loving In Bruges - on a completely different level from the multiple times I'd watched it merely drunken.
Tonight - made a point of going back to my roots - watching an obviously shit movie, drunken but not blazed.
Air Force One Down
- I pre-judged this movie based on the title
- My judgement was 100% correct.
- "Don't judge a book by its cover" ? Fuck off. Judging a book by its cover is almost always accurate.
- Likewise "The customer is always right". Fuck off - any time that phrase comes into play... it's almost certain the customer is a cretin.
- Opening titles - my assumptions - assumed.
- Opening scene - yep...
- Opening plot - yep... expectations on track
- Fucking gag around the protagonist's mentor uncle actually being named "Uncle Sam"... sigh.
- Turns out the antagonist nation is "Astovia" ? - yep... tracks. Although I'm sure the early audio mentioned "Estonia"
- Spoiler: HOLY FUCKING SHIT - the supposed "soft rich boy with everything handed to him" president - personally and physically attempted to fight back against the terrorists!
- But then did fuck all during the minute-long blondie-secret-service-vs-terrorist hand-to-hand fight right in front of him.
... 50% mark... still watching...
- we've had B/C-grade Air Force One vs White House Down vs Olympus Has Fallen... it looks like we're going into D-grade Behind Enemy Lines
- FFS - they were doing so well with VERY-ever-so-slightly subtle framing of the antagonist... until "I want to kill you right now.... but I won't kill you... because I'm smart".
- And why do bad guys fucking hate cigars so much? Light one, take 3 or 4 puffs, then stub it out.
- Having recently being solving one of the Far Cry puzzles... the Secret-Service-Agent's attempt at stealthily infiltrating/navigating an enemy stronghold is... embarrassing. But - to be fair, does reflect a fair few of my attempts. "stealth, stealth, fuck, shit, stealth, nope, full-on-firepower, fuck - how did I get away with that". Many less randomly thrown grenades involved.
5/5 - Fuck Yeah 'Murica!
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@Kruse said in Movie review thread...:
"The customer is always right"
if i can "well actually..." for a second
the full quote is "the customer is always right, in matters of taste"
meaning let them buy whatever dumb shit they want. And most certainly doesn't mean let them act like fluffybunnies so they will spend money.
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also i sort of thought you made that movie up, but no, it is fucking real. Anthony Michael Hall is in it?
This movie is so bad it's Wiki page is nothing but a copy paste of the IMDB page. No one has even bothered to write a plot summary. We should just upload the above.
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Runaway Train
Yes, the 1985 film. Title is excellent because it tells you most of what you need to know. If you were asleep during the 80s or not yet a glint in your old man's eyes, it's a couple of convicts escaping a prison in Alaska. Limited cinematography and the supporting cast are hamming it up/ playing caricatures.
May not sound enthralling, but the performances of Jon Voight and Eric Roberts are superb. Both of them absolutely nail the portrayal of their respective characters.
