Grumpy Old Man
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Shit... so, now it seems I'm about to make less friends...
Fuck. Burgers.
Fuck 'em.
If it's not an anemic piece of shit burger... it's an overloaded stupidly hard-to-eat burger.It's all the ingredients I'd love to eat together - sure... but towered in a stupid messy fucking thing, with bread. How many bites do you get in before it becomes a fucking mess you're constantly putting back together? A 'good' burger - usually fucking zero. It starts the moment you pick it up. I nearly want to order the "lettuce-bun" version of burgers just because it makes so much more sense, except... I'm not "the South Park definition of a fag".
Fluffybunnies of things.. a burger.
EXCEPT... a week or two ago, I ordered a burger at Jimmy Coops in Taupo... coz you still have to try once in a while. And it came with a cardboard "burger-eating structure" - which I glanced at with disdain, then tried, and then fucking loved. Held a good-sized burger together, almost until the point of completion. I am actually fucking tempted to get some made for personal use... travelling around, pulling out my burger-holder. (Already have travel-chopsticks in the jacket... imagine the ladies swooning when I also have travel-burger-holder!) -
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@Kruse being quite flash I use a knife and fork to cut them up into manageable bits.
Unless drunk, in which case it's messier than a kebab.
Which brings me to another commandment: People who don't like a kebab shall be rounded up.
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@antipodean said in Grumpy Old Man:
@Kruse being quite flash I use a knife and fork to cut them up into manageable bits.
Unless drunk, in which case it's messier than a kebab.
Which brings me to another commandment: People who don't like a kebab shall be rounded up.
Kebabs, in particular the Doner are nectar for the drunk. I'm talking the dodgy shops and kebab ambulances variety rather than the sit down Greek/Turkish option. But unless you are that level of drunk I defy you to eat and enjoy the things.
As to eating burgers, I'm not the biggest fan but done properly (not a mass produced slice of cardboard with some fried, extruded mash potato pretending to be a chip) then I usually eat them the French way with a skewer through the top to hold it all together and then cut bits off to eat around the skewer leaving the delicious centre part till last. As an aside the best burger I can remember eating was half way up a mountain in the French Alps, though there may be some recency bias going on.
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@antipodean said in Grumpy Old Man:
@Kruse being quite flash I use a knife and fork to cut them up into manageable bits.
Unless drunk, in which case it's messier than a kebab.
Which brings me to another commandment: People who don't like a kebab shall be rounded up.
Eating a burger with a knife and fork is grounds for banishment. Disgusting behaviour
A good burger is great. I don’t love massive ones, if it says double meat they’re generally making up for something (that’s what my wife said anyway). Regarding the mess, the trick is to not put it down once you start - enjoy the fuck out of it, and do a single cleanup at the end.
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KFC is definitely not as good as it used to be, but the hot & spicy is still delicious. A few years back they did it with a nashville sauce which was just about the nicest thing I have ever tasted, but they haven't done it since which is very annoying. The Zinger double downs are good as well when they are doing them. They'd be a lot better if they just did those items all year round - what the fuck is with only sometimes doing the nicest stuff on the menu?!
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On burgers - the Jamie Oliver 'Insanity Burger' recipe is one of the best I've made. Messy though.
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@No-Quarter said in Grumpy Old Man:
On burgers - the Jamie Oliver 'Insanity Burger' recipe is one of the best I've made. Messy though.
Another thing which makes me grumpy - burgers so bloody big you have to dislocate your jaw to eat them. Comfort food my arse.
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@voodoo said in Grumpy Old Man:
@antipodean said in Grumpy Old Man:
@Kruse being quite flash I use a knife and fork to cut them up into manageable bits.
Unless drunk, in which case it's messier than a kebab.
Which brings me to another commandment: People who don't like a kebab shall be rounded up.
Eating a burger with a knife and fork is grounds for banishment. Disgusting behaviour...
Perhaps we'll meet up for a bite to eat sometime. I'll be the one in the clean shirt.
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@Catogrande said in Grumpy Old Man:
@voodoo said in Grumpy Old Man:
@antipodean said in Grumpy Old Man:
@Kruse being quite flash I use a knife and fork to cut them up into manageable bits.
Unless drunk, in which case it's messier than a kebab.
Which brings me to another commandment: People who don't like a kebab shall be rounded up.
Eating a burger with a knife and fork is grounds for banishment. Disgusting behaviour...
Perhaps we'll meet up for a bite to eat sometime. I'll be the one in the clean shirt.
Clean shirt, seated alone, sipping a pimms?
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@antipodean nothing better than going for a wander on Sunday afternoon and following the trail you left behind from your doner meat and chips with chilli and garlic sauce from the night/morning before.
I might be biased though.
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@voodoo said in Grumpy Old Man:
@Catogrande said in Grumpy Old Man:
@voodoo said in Grumpy Old Man:
@antipodean said in Grumpy Old Man:
@Kruse being quite flash I use a knife and fork to cut them up into manageable bits.
Unless drunk, in which case it's messier than a kebab.
Which brings me to another commandment: People who don't like a kebab shall be rounded up.
Eating a burger with a knife and fork is grounds for banishment. Disgusting behaviour...
Perhaps we'll meet up for a bite to eat sometime. I'll be the one in the clean shirt.
Clean shirt, seated alone, sipping a pimms?
Considering the alternative, not a bad choice…
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@Bones Kiwi Doner and UK Doner are totally different beasts though.
Waking up in the UK with your coat pocket full of a mixture of congealed fat, chilli sauce and sliced cabbage from the second doner you were too pissed to eat is a rite of passage.
I'm also over the too big, too flash, trying too hard concept burger thing. I've only had one I can say that I truly enjoyed in the last few years and I'm convinced that was just good luck as I've tried the same place a couple of times again and the burger was... disappointing.
I did find a new craft beer place in the neighbourhood at the weekend (which led to a grand though messy Saturday. Imperial pints at 8.1% quickly became a 'good thing' and led to a mini pub crawl for the next several hours).
Anyway they had a taco food truck which had proper slow cooked birria taco's which were obviously a labour of love. I got two for less than the price of a 'gourmet' burger and which packed way more flavour with zero mess.
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@dogmeat said in Grumpy Old Man:
Waking up in the UK with your coat pocket full of a mixture of congealed fat, chilli sauce and sliced cabbage from the second doner you were too pissed to eat is a rite of passage.
No, it fucking well isn't. It's one of those cringe moments which will haunt you forever.
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