The Silver Fern

G'day all, thought I would kick start a support group for anyone who is struggling or needs some support. My reason for starting this is my partner of 25 years has a degenerative condition that has worsened over time and is now so bad she is bed bound in the lounge room and I care for her. Can't say I ever thought I would see my wife in a wheelchair and needing me to help clean her etc.

I know many of you have lost partners, parents etc and I am curious how you kept your mental health healthy when watching a loved one's health fail.

The biggest thing we miss is the ability to do things like travel, bushwalking etc. It is only when your body fails that you realise how important moments and experiences are. Material things, money etc are not important when you can't do anything. For those with a healthy partner make sure you give them a big hug and surprise them with a trip somewhere.

@Kiwiwomble Thanks mate, I appreciate the concern, we both watched the rugby together and it was a real highlight seeing her get excited by the boys performance It's a bit like groundhog day to be honest, good days with bad and just focusing on the good. We are in a bit of a holding pattern at present and I'm just focusing on doing what I can with work and caring etc. Cheers.

Great thread, all humans have a unique individual story, and it is important to listen and hear others.

I have a long story, but the short version is 10 years in the Cops, left 2 years ago, moved to the country, suffer from PTSD and anxiety, became unemployed, struggled with loss of identity and connections from the Police. I quickly found myself in a pretty dark hole, nothing seemed to matter, I had lost all sense of purpose, nothing excited me, and I was at the lowest point I had been in my life.

I sat with my thoughts wondering how it came to this, as a teenager I took any job, did anything, spoke to anyone and was full of life without a care in the world. Fast forward 25 years and I was a grown man awake in the middle of the night wondering why my brain was torturing me. I read plenty of self-help books, reached out for help but nothing really worked.

Thankfully, over time things have gotten a lot better. If I reflect on what is different, the main thing is I found something to do, I was lucky to get part time work I enjoy. I had always enjoyed photography and decided to pursue that even more regardless if it made me any money. Once I became busy, started helping others and felt like I was contributing the chatter in the head faded, time has healed my wounds regarding the Police, and I can say I am excited about what is ahead.

It appears for me the medicine is being busy, focused and having a feeling of purpose. I truly hope everyone who is struggling can get the help they need, and I wish you all the best going forward.

Having experienced more than enough suicides in my life I really do feel for the family. Those in grief can't help but feel guilty and you always wonder if you could have done something earlier to prevent it.

Mental health is a disease that is only really starting to get the recognition it deserves, and one could argue a lack of media in the past is one of the reasons we have been so slow to act.

I did 10 years in the Cops and never once spoke to a mental health professional, even after my boss hung himself and I was on duty when it happened. I was always surprised I had to be tested each year to carry a firearm yet no checks were done on my mental health to use the thing.

All I can hope are cases like this are used in a way to encourage those with the illness to reach out for help.

Probably not enough credit been given to our 4 young props that did the business tonight. Scrum was dominant and lineout was excellent.

Add to that the long time in camp has shed the kilos off DeGroot and Williams. Both look much fitter and slimmer out there.

Has TAB released odds on the different types of injuries that Blackadder might pick up?

This must be how Wallaby supporters feel.

I have very fond memories of staying at my grandparents house when the All Blacks were playing in the UK. I would sleep on the couch in the lounge, my grandmother would set an alarm, get up, wake me up, put on the TV and then pretend to be interested in the Rugby. She is long dead now but credit to her for letting a young bloke watch his idols in the middle of the night.

@ACT-Crusader said in RWC QF: All Blacks v Ireland:

Scoreboard pressure means something aye!

The fact they needed a try and Jordie had nailed that penalty to get it out to 4 points meant they couldn’t set up for a droppie.

We can’t underestimate how important Aaron Smith was at the end of the game. You can hear him just barking to our boys to get up and realign after each ruck. He would’ve had a point to prove after the YC. Thanks Nuggie, you are an AB legend.

Did you see him yell at Savea to get up out of the ruck when Savea was complaining to the ref. Smith is the heart of this team for sure.

@Steven-Harris said in SF Blues v Brumbies:

@chimoaus i looks pretty daming , yes there may have been other calls that could have gone either way during the game , but you know what a team has time rectify any wrong doings ..but that call could have changed everything ..will take the win as a Blues supporter , but i will say i would have had no issues if the call had gone the other way ..

Every incorrect/marginal call has a sliding doors moment that could heavily impact the outcome. If White was carded for cynical play on the ground or the Brumbies try was disallowed it would have had an impact. The call was 50/50 and the Blues got the rub of the green. If the Brumbies had held onto the ball instead of going for the drop goal they may have got a penalty and won.

Sport will always have these moments and good teams take it out of the hand of the ref and focus on their roles and what they can do next.

So true it's scary.

I must admit to yelling at the screen when they took the tap instead of kicking for touch and milking the clock. That choice almost cost them the game.

@Godder said in Happiness Scale:

My personal rules for maintaining some semblance of happiness:

1. Don't sweat the small stuff
2. Don't worry about the stuff you can't control
3. You don't have to keep up with the Joneses
4. Don't let the bastards grind you down.
   5. Masturbate as required.

If I get bored of pornhub I’ll just watch that first 20.

Apologies if this has been done before but what really annoys you?

I stayed in a hotel room last night and fuck me what is with shower/basin taps that don't tell you which way is hot and cold. Why the fuck should I have to guess which way is hot. It is even worse if it takes ages for the hot water to arrive as you second guess and move the handle.

I like QT, he needs more time at this level.

At end of the day we won the series 2-0 vs a very strong English team. The key now is if this coaching group can address the obvious issues with personnel and game plan.

Thanks all for the comments, I appreciate it. I agree about trying to appreciate what we can still do together and not focusing on what we can't.

On a lighter note I never fucken realised just how much work it takes to cook and clean.

I have suggested a Polish exchange student might be a good idea, let's hope that gets the green light.

Fozzie: "Brownie, you up for being my assistant?", Brown: "Sorry Fozzie, Jamie and I are having a crack."
Fozzie: "Jamie, great job with Japan, I still think I'm the better coach so do you want to be my 2IC?", Joseph: "Fuck off Fozzie!"
Fozzie: "Coops Bra, you want to be my 2IC?". Cooper: "Sorry Fozzie, King Country need a new head coach."
Fozzie: "Razor, great job with the Crusaders, I think I need your dance skills", Razor " Fozzie, the backs were shit at the WC, I can do better and I am a forwards coach."
Fozzie: "Hammet, our forwards got smashed, you are the man for the job", Hammet:"When do I start"

Just in case anyone missed his chat with Savea on Youtube earlier in the year, looks like he battled some demons mentally which impacted his rugby. To his credit it appears as if 2020 has been a rebuilding which has led to his start. I hope he goes well.