Movie review thread...

Sneakdefreak

Watched an 80s horror/comedy last night called The Monster Squad. About a bunch of kids who have to stop Dracula, the Werewolf, the Mummy, the creature from the Black Lagoon and Frankenstein's monster from locating an amulet. 5.5/10

antipodean

<div><a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1815862/'>After Earth</a> with Will Smith and his son. Proof that artistic talent isn't genetic. If I was to rate this abomination one star out of ten, it might falsely encourage you to see it. It isn't just bad, it is fucking woeful.</div>
<div> </div>
<div>Or at least the first 10 minutes were. I don't know what happens after that. No one should.</div>
<div> </div>
<div>Also I finally got around to watching '<a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0949731/'>The Happening</a>'. The English language has not yet evolved a sufficient vocabulary to adequately describe this travesty and until it does, these two words will have to suffice; fucking shit.</div>

Tim

You were tied up and forced to watch The Happening, then 10 minutes into After Earth you used your safe word?

antipodean

I sat in amazement that those were apparently the best takes sewn together. Almost as if Wahlberg decided to see if the director was actually paying attention.

red terror

The Village (2004)
Lady in the Water (2006)
The Happening (2008)
The Last Airbender (2010)
After Earth (2013)
 
A decade of excellence, and quite possibly the awesome-ist 5-movie streak in film history.

mariner4life

have a new entrant into the "shittest movies i have watched" file (headed up by Eyes Wide Shut and Vanilla Sky).
 
So, i watched GI Joe: Retaliation last night (hey, there was nothing else to do). Now, remembering how shit the first one was, i set my expectations pretty low. But, they were still not met. Not even the Rock, and the main chicks big porn titties (that she didn't get out) could save this turd. This was worse than the first one. At least the first one was cheesy because they weren't taking themselves seriously. This i think was trying to be a more adult action movie, and it failed, horribly. You know it's a movie based on an 80s product when ninja are still front and centre. 
 
Avoid this movie at all costs. Do not waste your time. The Rock should be more embarrassed by this than the Tooth Fairy. As for Bruce Willis.....

red terror

I fuckin' love Eyes Wide Shut.

mariner4life

really? holy shit. really? why? not even gratuitous nudity is enough to save that pile of shit. i was soooo bored watching it. I only stuck it out because i thought it must go somewhere (you know, because everybody says everything Kubrik does is perfect). It didn't, and i needed a drink. boooooring.

Nepia

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="mariner4life" data-cid="418661" data-time="1394761280">
<div>
have a new entrant into the "shittest movies i have watched" file (headed up by Eyes Wide Shut and Vanilla Sky).
 
So, i watched GI Joe: Retaliation last night (hey, there was nothing else to do). Now, remembering how shit the first one was, i set my expectations pretty low. But, they were still not met. Not even the Rock, and the main chicks big porn titties (that she didn't get out) could save this turd. This was worse than the first one. At least the first one was cheesy because they weren't taking themselves seriously. This i think was trying to be a more adult action movie, and it failed, horribly. You know it's a movie based on an 80s product when ninja are still front and centre. 
 
Avoid this movie at all costs. Do not waste your time. The Rock should be more embarrassed by this than the Tooth Fairy. As for Bruce Willis.....
</div>
</blockquote>
I liked it, much better than the first one which I thought was a real turd, but then I'm a huge GI Joe fan from the 80s - I'm currently re-reading the entire series on my tablet*. The ninjas are awesome ... that's what GI Joe essentially became. I actually think the complete opposite to you, they tried to take the first one too seriously and this one they went cheesy - the final attack was cheesy as fudge.
 
I don't get Eyes Wide Shut either, but I think Kubrick is overrated. Vanilla Sky is ok - I find criticism of it compared with Open Your Eyes quite hilarious as it's the same bloody film.
 
* Are there any Battle Action Force comic fans out there? It was the british version of GI Joe in a 2000AD style comic with other stories like Johnny Red and Charlies War - and initially the Action Force were different and fought the Red Baron instead of Cobra. If someone knows where I can fight digitised copies of it I would be very grateful.

mariner4life

the first one had the stupidest Wayan in it, how fucking serious do you think they took it?

Nepia

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="mariner4life" data-cid="418681" data-time="1394768815">
<div>
the first one had the stupidest Wayan in it, how fucking serious do you think they took it?
</div>
</blockquote>
He was the comic relief - everyone was the comic relief in the sequel.

mariner4life

i get the impression they weren't trying to be. that;s my issue. it sucked, and i look down on you for liking it...

Nepia

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="mariner4life" data-cid="418686" data-time="1394769271">
<div>
i get the impression they weren't trying to be. that;s my issue. it sucked, and i look down on you for liking it...
</div>
</blockquote>
Thats fine, I look down on you for thinking the first is better and thinking that it wasn't taking itself seriously. Hoik (that's me spitting at your feet).

mariner4life

oh, oh, oh bro, too far bro
 
you're about to be "out of the picture" and by "out of the picture" i mean "alive on earth"!!
 
 
 
(if you're confused, so was i. that's an actual line from the movie. what the fuck does that even mean?)
 
 
 
oh, and "liking it better" is over-stretching it. i thought the first one sucked. i thought this sucked harder. like how losing a finger is better than losing your ballsack

jegga

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="Nepia" data-cid="418679" data-time="1394768587">
I liked it, much better than the first one which I thought was a real turd, but then I'm a huge GI Joe fan from the 80s - I'm currently re-reading the entire series on my tablet*. The ninjas are awesome ... that's what GI Joe essentially became. I actually think the complete opposite to you, they tried to take the first one too seriously and this one they went cheesy - the final attack was cheesy as fudge. 
I don't get Eyes Wide Shut either, but I think Kubrick is overrated. Vanilla Sky is ok - I find criticism of it compared with Open Your Eyes quite hilarious as it's the same bloody film.

Are there any Battle Action Force comic fans out there? It was the british version of GI Joe in a 2000AD style comic with other stories like Johnny Red and Charlies War - and initially the Action Force were different and fought the Red Baron instead of Cobra. If someone knows where I can fight digitised copies of it I would be very grateful.</blockquote>
 
I don't know about digital but at Armageddon they had all of Charley's war in one book , it actually was almost as good as I remembered it. Itd be cool if they did a similar one with Johnny red too. 
The evil dude in battle action was baron Ironblood and looked pretty bloody silly even to an 11 year old me who thought the A team constantly shooting at the bad guys but not actually hurting anyone was plausible .

jegga

M4l there's a whole thread about game of thrones that doesn't include you extolling the virtues of the rampant nudity . You ok mate?

mariner4life

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="jegga" data-cid="418696" data-time="1394774310">
<div>
M4l there's a whole thread about game of thrones that doesn't include you extolling the virtues of the rampant nudity . You ok mate?
</div>
</blockquote>
um, i'm hiding from that. while i have read the books, i haven't watched the TV show. i have seen the first 4 episodes of season 1 3 times, and then i always missed the 5th, and then had to give up. so yea, while i am aware there is nudity in it, i haven't seen enough to be giving an honest appraisal.
 
i don't remember a lot of nudity from the start. Lena Headey had her kit on when her brother was doing her in the dog, but i guess that pale chick was nekid when she was getting railed by that massive Maori. can i assume it gets a bit more skinful?

Nepia

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="jegga" data-cid="418695" data-time="1394774215">
<div>
I don't know about digital but at Armageddon they had all of Charley's war in one book , it actually was almost as good as I remembered it. Itd be cool if they did a similar one with Johnny red too. 
The evil dude in battle action was baron Ironblood and looked pretty bloody silly even to an 11 year old me who thought the A team constantly shooting at the bad guys but not actually hurting anyone was plausible .
</div>
</blockquote>
Hmmm, don't know why I wrote Red Baron instead of Baron Ironblood! I think his army were called the Red Shadows. I always thought his helmut was modeled on Ned Kelly.
 
I'll search out that book although Charlie's War wasn't my favourite but a Johnny Red one would be great.

jegga

There was rumours of an animated film of Johnny red when I was a kid but I don't think they came to anything . He was pretty badass and him being a pom in Russia was an interesting angle. 
There was another one called "Darkies mob " I doubt you be allowed to call a cartoon that these days, Darkie certainly hated the japs .

jegga

<blockquote class="ipsBlockquote" data-author="mariner4life" data-cid="418697" data-time="1394774616">
um, i'm hiding from that. while i have read the books, i haven't watched the TV show. i have seen the first 4 episodes of season 1 3 times, and then i always missed the 5th, and then had to give up. so yea, while i am aware there is nudity in it, i haven't seen enough to be giving an honest appraisal. 
i don't remember a lot of nudity from the start. Lena Headey had her kit on when her brother was doing her in the dog, but i guess that pale chick was nekid when she was getting railed by that massive Maori. can i assume it gets a bit more skinful?</blockquote>
 
From what I saw there was more nudity and some simulated bean flicking from some of the bi curious female cast. I've only seen the first series myself and Lena Headley has been strangely shy about getting naked. I'm hoping that changes .

The Silver Fern

Movie review thread...