Parenting
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I have a 7 year old and a 9 month old I really forgot how hard the sleepless nights are, also the 7 year now has a habit of talking back all the time but he really shoots him self in the foot as we take away technology which usually sorts him out
Tech access is definitely the currency at this age. The threat is often enough but sometime the ipad has to be impounded for a week or so to straighten CF jnr out. The sentence can be reduced with good behaviour especially good homework habits
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Family at my kids' school has 7. First one just finishing High School from the mother's first marriage. She's pakeha as fuck, husband is a Philippino and they just seem to dig it.
And, being the Catholic Education system, the 4th kid onward is free, so...
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Awesome thread guys, love the honest discussion about the problems parents face. It's why I love this place so much more than any social media platform where people try to paint the rosiest picture possible of their lives, which is just so toxic as it makes everyone think they're doing a terrible job which is not the case.
I've spoken about my family a bit on here - have a 7 year old and a (nearly) 2 year old now. And they couldn't be more different. Also have a third on the way due December.
With the 7 year old, my biggest battle isn't bad behaviour, he's a really sensible kid. It's that he's just wayyyy too fucking over cautious. About everything, to the point that it has stopped him from doing fun things - he's still not that confident on his bike and doesn't really enjoy it because "what if I fall off Dad???". And I feel like my wife and I have to cop some of the blame for that - it's so easy to wrap your first born in cotton wool and forbid them from doing anything remotely dangerous. It's been the biggest point of disagreement between us; she gets stressed out whenever he does something dangerous, and when he hurts himself her first instinct is to tell him off for doing said thing. I've been really trying to encourage him to take more risks, and I think we're making some progress now (I got him to go on a Flying Fox the other day which is a pretty big deal for him), but I do worry that we've sheltered him too much in his early years.
And then there's the (nearly) 2 year old, who is an absolute bloody psychopath to the point that the wife has given up trying to stop him being reckless. Nothing seems to phase him at all - running head first into a wall, face planting, he just brushes it off and goes again. He's also really strong and extremely well coordinated (he took his first steps just before 9 months so is sprinting around the place now, even has a good step on him when trying to get past me). Not to get excited, but given the above I can see him really excelling at rugby.
With regards to day care and school, we were worried about what other kids would do to our first son given the above and that he's a skinny little man. He's doing well though, and he seems really popular with the other kids; often we'll walk by one and they'll call out his name and say a big HI!!, and when I ask who that was he doesn't even know their name.
With our second, he's still at home now but we are actually genuinely concerned about what he will do to the other kids given how insanely physical he is. We'll start him at Kindy when he is 2 (we get 20 ECE hours free per week there), but we are expecting many calls/discussions about him knocking the other kids around and making them cry.
With regards to discipline, this is fucking magnificent advice:
@raznomore said in Parenting:
In my experience, though it's never too late to discipline your children. You just have to find your own thing that fucks up their lives just enough to make them think about consequences. But not so much that it sends them to therapy or to a clock tower dressed like Neo from the Matrix.
For the 7 year old, it's taking away the TV and YouTube/PS4 that fucks up his life the most and that gets him in line pretty quickly.
With the young one, we're going to need to find what that is and quick. We're at the point now where if we say "NO!" when he's doing something insane, his response is to do that thing as quickly as possible before we physically stop him. He's a bloody handful to say the least.
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@No-Quarter Yeah, the battle is finding the pressure point and following through. I remember when CF Jnr was a few years old I was not adverse to putting him outside in the yard and closing the door. Only needed him to be out there for a minute or so to realise daddy was dead serious and that he needed to pull his head in, for an hour or so at least. For 7 year old Ms CF it's the threat of denying her access to her dolls. She is far more obedient at the moment, I am sure she will pay me back in full in her teenage years
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@No-Quarter said in Parenting:
With the young one, we're going to need to find what that is and quick. We're at the point now where if we say "NO!" when he's doing something insane, his response is to do that thing as quickly as possible before we physically stop him. He's a bloody handful to say the least.
Sorry to laugh, but that painted a great mental picture. Also;@antipodean said in Modern Day Parenting:
<p>I'm a very permissive parent. I often say not to do something only to get stared at and then the behaviour continues right in front of me. But I console myself with the fact I'm raising a cat.</p>
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@antipodean said in Parenting:
I console myself with the fact I'm raising a cat.
I have raised the perfect little bitch. Very obedient, loves me to bits, never any problem.
Here she is bullying another kid at school:
Like Hooroo, I went to the Family Guy school of parenting (for the dog) and I wish you all luck. You're going to need it.
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@No-Quarter said in Parenting:
It's that he's just wayyyy too fucking over cautious. About everything, to the point that it has stopped him from doing fun things - he's still not that confident on his bike and doesn't really enjoy it because "what if I fall off Dad???".
that's my youngest. He's very anxious. It's why he is very slow to start new things. All he can think about is what can go wrong. He absolutely gets that from his mother. I just can't understand it, it's not how i am wired, and my eldest doesn't get it either. And i am sure i react incorrectly.
For instance, up at the lake on the weekend. Kids doing biscuit rides behind the boat. Eldest jumps in, and he's actively trying to throw himself around, despite never having done it before. The youngest? got in, but instantly said he didn't want to do it. I pretty much didn't give him a choice, and he fucking hated it, got off after one lap, and didn't get back in. Apparently just seeing it's safe wasn't enough
Then he told his mother that "dad made me do something i didn't want to do!" oops
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@ACT-Crusader said in Parenting:
In my view kids need to be challenged. They need opportunities to build resilience. They need hard lessons. But they also need to learn love and trust. More often than not it’s the little things done consistently that make the biggest difference. What those little things are different for each kid.
Upvote this! But also in a slightly different context.
Little things done consistently will create a framework of boundaries. Letting them know when they have overstepped those boundaries or are close to it and providing consequences when they have busted the boundary is a key. Also be prepared to adjust those boundaries out when trust is gained. Kind of like a dog
I'll refrain from the 'in my day' comments as I feel you guys seem to be dealing with a slightly different world that your kids are growing up in. I'm amazed at how young all of your kids are when you aren't that much younger than me!
We were quite lucky in that our son spent his younger years with his grandparents during the day and on the farm. You don't have much option but to just get on with things and listen to what you are being told in those circumstances.
Certainly can't say he was perfect. As they all do there were phases where you wonder what you have done to create a surly, lazy shit that has to be asked multiple times to do things but looking back it is just a growing up/hormonal thing.All I know is that we ended up with a kid that we couldn't be prouder of. Has his head screwed on (more than us) and has a great partner.
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@raznomore said in Parenting:
@canefan lol I have a neighbour who does this. The issue here is that their young son wails for as long as it takes for them to open the door and let him back in. So their problem has now become every other households problem.
It takes a village.....
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@ACT-Crusader That is a top post.
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@raznomore said in Parenting:
@ACT-Crusader That is a top post.
overachiever dad though, making us all look bad.
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@ACT-Crusader having 5 kids goes a long way to explaining his repetitive ongoing team selection Dad joke. The dude must be a fucking master at driving his kids insane with the same jokes over and over.
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@mariner4life said in Parenting:
@No-Quarter said in Parenting:
It's that he's just wayyyy too fucking over cautious. About everything, to the point that it has stopped him from doing fun things - he's still not that confident on his bike and doesn't really enjoy it because "what if I fall off Dad???".
that's my youngest. He's very anxious. It's why he is very slow to start new things. All he can think about is what can go wrong. He absolutely gets that from his mother. I just can't understand it, it's not how i am wired, and my eldest doesn't get it either. And i am sure i react incorrectly.
For instance, up at the lake on the weekend. Kids doing biscuit rides behind the boat. Eldest jumps in, and he's actively trying to throw himself around, despite never having done it before. The youngest? got in, but instantly said he didn't want to do it. I pretty much didn't give him a choice, and he fucking hated it, got off after one lap, and didn't get back in. Apparently just seeing it's safe wasn't enough
Then he told his mother that "dad made me do something i didn't want to do!" oops
It's hard to know what to do. I took the approach of just forcing him to do shit, with the view that once he actually did it he'd realise how fun it was. That has backfired many times.
When he was four we had an incident at Movie World on the Gold Coast. I made him go on the log ride with me as there didn't appear to be any age or height requirements. I figured I'd get him all geared up for the final drop during the initial stages where you float around and he'd end up having a blast.
Little did I know that on this particular log ride half way through it puts you into a dark room, turns you backwards, and shoots you down a significant drop at speed. He was fucking petrified after that (understandably so it was pretty intense), and then didn't trust me when trying to get him to do anything else. Funnily enough we were at Rainbows End a year later and he was refusing to go on the (far more gentle) log ride there, and there was another woman with her son who was the same, and she had traced it back to that exact same log ride at Movie World as well.
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@No-Quarter said in Parenting:
@mariner4life said in Parenting:
@No-Quarter said in Parenting:
It's that he's just wayyyy too fucking over cautious. About everything, to the point that it has stopped him from doing fun things - he's still not that confident on his bike and doesn't really enjoy it because "what if I fall off Dad???".
that's my youngest. He's very anxious. It's why he is very slow to start new things. All he can think about is what can go wrong. He absolutely gets that from his mother. I just can't understand it, it's not how i am wired, and my eldest doesn't get it either. And i am sure i react incorrectly.
For instance, up at the lake on the weekend. Kids doing biscuit rides behind the boat. Eldest jumps in, and he's actively trying to throw himself around, despite never having done it before. The youngest? got in, but instantly said he didn't want to do it. I pretty much didn't give him a choice, and he fucking hated it, got off after one lap, and didn't get back in. Apparently just seeing it's safe wasn't enough
Then he told his mother that "dad made me do something i didn't want to do!" oops
It's hard to know what to do. I took the approach of just forcing him to do shit, with the view that once he actually did it he'd realise how fun it was. That has backfired many times.
When he was four we had an incident at Movie World on the Gold Coast. I made him go on the log ride with me as there didn't appear to be any age or height requirements. I figured I'd get him all geared up for the final drop during the initial stages where you float around and he'd end up having a blast.
Little did I know that on this particular log ride half way through it puts you into a dark room, turns you backwards, and shoots you down a significant drop at speed. He was fucking petrified after that (understandably so it was pretty intense), and then didn't trust me when trying to get him to do anything else. Funnily enough we were at Rainbows End a year later and he was refusing to go on the (far more gentle) log ride there, and there was another woman with her son who was the same, and she had traced it back to that exact same log ride at Movie World as well.
That's funny the backfiring bit. When I was between 6 and 10 we were fishing out from Whangamata and a great big shark started circling our boat. I was petrified and dad casually said it's ok and he could go swimming if he wanted to.
Well that set me right off as all I could picture is Dad being eaten by a shark. I was inconsolable and we had to go back in. Kind of ruined the days fishing for him I imagine.
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@No-Quarter said in Parenting:
@mariner4life said in Parenting:
@No-Quarter said in Parenting:
It's that he's just wayyyy too fucking over cautious. About everything, to the point that it has stopped him from doing fun things - he's still not that confident on his bike and doesn't really enjoy it because "what if I fall off Dad???".
that's my youngest. He's very anxious. It's why he is very slow to start new things. All he can think about is what can go wrong. He absolutely gets that from his mother. I just can't understand it, it's not how i am wired, and my eldest doesn't get it either. And i am sure i react incorrectly.
For instance, up at the lake on the weekend. Kids doing biscuit rides behind the boat. Eldest jumps in, and he's actively trying to throw himself around, despite never having done it before. The youngest? got in, but instantly said he didn't want to do it. I pretty much didn't give him a choice, and he fucking hated it, got off after one lap, and didn't get back in. Apparently just seeing it's safe wasn't enough
Then he told his mother that "dad made me do something i didn't want to do!" oops
It's hard to know what to do. I took the approach of just forcing him to do shit, with the view that once he actually did it he'd realise how fun it was. That has backfired many times.
When he was four we had an incident at Movie World on the Gold Coast. I made him go on the log ride with me as there didn't appear to be any age or height requirements. I figured I'd get him all geared up for the final drop during the initial stages where you float around and he'd end up having a blast.
Little did I know that on this particular log ride half way through it puts you into a dark room, turns you backwards, and shoots you down a significant drop at speed. He was fucking petrified after that (understandably so it was pretty intense), and then didn't trust me when trying to get him to do anything else.
Wow I had a real flashback reading this. I went to Movie World about 20 years ago, and really have no memories of it.
But reading the post I now distinctly remember going on that log ride, and the backwards drop being terrifying. So I totally understand your sons feelings on that one!
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@Crucial TR Jnr has spent the last couple of school holidays working on my Aunty's farm, earnign some money. Working on a farm is somethign all kids should experience!
My cousin (Sharemilker on above farm) also lets him drive an old Suzuki Jimmy on a metal road (supervised) so thats one job I was never looking forward to anyway haha
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@taniwharugby said in Parenting:
@Crucial TR Jnr has spent the last couple of school holidays working on my Aunty's farm, earnign some money. Working on a farm is somethign all kids should experience!
My cousin (Sharemilker on above farm) also lets him drive an old Suzuki Jimmy on a metal road (supervised) so thats one job I was never looking forward to anyway haha
At an early age the main thing kids learn in environments like that is that the world doesn’t revolve around them. They have to go along with whatever the adults are doing and find a way to enjoy it.
I see so many parents struggling with kids who think they get to call the shots.Happens with little things too. You hear parents in supermarkets asking the kids to choose which one they want of things. Aaaargh! Talk about setting yourself up for problems.
