Parenting
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Fern Helpline, first time caller.
My 7 year old daughter has completely lost the plot about going to school. Completely. She’s just moved up a level (pre prep to prep) and after a superb first week it’s suddenly all on.
Colossal tantrums, tears all because of a “sore belly”. We drive to school, son gets out then it’s 30 mins in the car of refusal, tears - “it’s too hard”, “I’m always tired”, “I miss mummy too much” etc etc. Takes ages to calm here, she misses the first lesson then once in - she’s fine.
We ask the teachers who say she’s happy, gets on with it, isn’t struggling and is fine (she’s a bit of a boffin). She just talks herself into it. It starts the night before when she gets tired. We see the anxiety go up and then in the mornings … it’s all on.
She had a tough, long summer (school closed early due to Covid case, no overseas holidays (first world …) and the bullying as on other chat). I’m sure these are related. But after a great first week, it’s literally come out of nowhere.
So, anybody faced this before? Any tips, hints, ideas?
Literally, once she’s in, she’s off. And at pickup she’s always got a huge smile. We are completely lost.
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@majorrage
It might sound harsh but if you are satisfied that she is in fact happy when she is there and nothing is going on like bullying etc, it probably is a case of tiredness and maybe even hormones and maybe the best thing you can do is not pay it too much attention. I had a week of it after the last homes schooling when they returned and I knew it was just settling back into a routine and being away from me and I had to be tough and let the teacher take her in crying. Soon stopped. The more attention I gave it and trying to talk about it the worse it got. Sleep is so important to kids and things like having a calm breakfast time no TV etc really makes a difference to our mornings.Also, re sleeptime, I have an app called moshi that has relaxation stories I play onto a wireless speaker in her room, seriously good and suitable for primary aged children, it's very focused on mindfulness and easing anxiety etc might help. Sends my little one off to sleep.
They do break your heart though. She's your daughter and you know her best. And they are more resilient than we give them credit for sometimes so a bit of tough love might shake her out of it, that won't change her relationship with you, she will still talk to you if there's a problem I'm very sure of that.
Also, others may know as I can't recall exactly and too tired to Google but I'm sure there is a psychological milestone around the age of 7, something to do with the subconscious mind?? Maybe she's just experimenting with challenging you a bit? Rebelling or wanting attention.
As with most things with children I suspect in a week or two you will say she is fine and over it.
Hope she is OK though and it gets easier for you all.
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@majorrage I think you cant underestimate the bullying aspect, alot of that mirrors my son after he was bullied 1st year at Intermediate.
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@majorrage said in Parenting:
Fern Helpline, first time caller.
My 7 year old daughter has completely lost the plot about going to school. Completely. She’s just moved up a level (pre prep to prep) and after a superb first week it’s suddenly all on.
Colossal tantrums, tears all because of a “sore belly”. We drive to school, son gets out then it’s 30 mins in the car of refusal, tears - “it’s too hard”, “I’m always tired”, “I miss mummy too much” etc etc. Takes ages to calm here, she misses the first lesson then once in - she’s fine.
We ask the teachers who say she’s happy, gets on with it, isn’t struggling and is fine (she’s a bit of a boffin). She just talks herself into it. It starts the night before when she gets tired. We see the anxiety go up and then in the mornings … it’s all on.
She had a tough, long summer (school closed early due to Covid case, no overseas holidays (first world …) and the bullying as on other chat). I’m sure these are related. But after a great first week, it’s literally come out of nowhere.
So, anybody faced this before? Any tips, hints, ideas?
Literally, once she’s in, she’s off. And at pickup she’s always got a huge smile. We are completely lost.
We had exactly this last year with the lad who was 7 at the time. Every morning, would cry at drop off for 20mins, had to be led in crying by his saint of a teacher. Lasted a month at least, pretty tough to watch. Eventually he got over it, and we never really got to the bottom of it, he just used to work himself into a state for no apparent reason. Like your lass, the anxiety started the night before sometimes. So draining.
Does she have a mate in class? Any way you can coordinate drop-off together with her?
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CF Jr went through a phase like this around 10. Anxiety around new school and a more competitive environment appeared to be the triggers for him. There will always be a reason, whether you will find out is another story. We found it was good to contact the teacher to discuss, the school were good at organising one on one meetings with him to draw out the source of his acting up, he told them stuff he wouldn't tell us which helped manage the situation
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@majorrage said in Parenting:
Literally, once she’s in, she’s off. And at pickup she’s always got a huge smile. We are completely lost
Working at a school that is so common, same at kindy etc. Very common. Best way is the bandaid method, rip it of fast. Talk to the school, our teachers often meet these kids at the gate at a certain time, and almost drag them in. Soon as mum's out of sight, finished, pretty much. The longer the parent stays, talking, convincing, whatever, the more wound up the kids gets. You can't logic or convince a little kid to ignore a bit of separation anxiety. But they will get over it.
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Oh no, so they don't grow out of this after 4 and 3/4s!!? Just going through this now with our daughter - right down to the sore tummy and winding herself up the night before. She just wants to get to school asap. But I know she settles almost immediately. Still bloody traumatic for us though! Kia kaha @MajorRage
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@paekakboyz said in Parenting:
Oh no, so they don't grow out of this after 4 and 3/4s!!? Just going through this now with our daughter - right down to the sore tummy and winding herself up the night before. She just wants to get to school asap. But I know she settles almost immediately. Still bloody traumatic for us though! Kia kaha @MajorRage
When I dropped the boys off to kindy when I was SaHD, I used to run away then call later for reassurance that they were fine.
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@taniwharugby said in Parenting:
@majorrage I think you cant underestimate the bullying aspect, alot of that mirrors my son after he was bullied 1st year at Intermediate.
And teachers don’t see it a lot of the time, it can be very subtle
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@mariner4life this a good thread. I need to participate.
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Can someone tell me why the fuck we bother taking young kids on holiday. Change of venue and routine sends them la la, motel and hotel rooms have zero kid proofing (observation rather than complaint on that one) so you are stopping potential final destination moments constantly.
Ms 4.5 is acting up and Mr almost 2 is yelling and won't sleep. The wife and I are fucking knackered and I don't think we have the energy for a week of this shit.
I'm sure things will be fine in the morning though...right??Right?!!
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@paekakboyz said in Parenting:
Can someone tell me why the fuck we bother taking young kids on holiday. Change of venue and routine sends them la la, motel and hotel rooms have zero kid proofing (observation rather than complaint on that one) so you are stopping potential final destination moments constantly.
Ms 4.5 is acting up and Mr almost 2 is yelling and won't sleep. The wife and I are fucking knackered and I don't think we have the energy for a week of this shit.
I'm sure things will be fine in the morning though...right??Right?!!
It's nice to get a change of scenery. But in the end they don't appreciate it; at that age they are just happy to play in a park or on the beach somewhere. Somehow they always know to lose their shit when you least want them to
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@paekakboyz said in Parenting:
Can someone tell me why the fuck we bother taking young kids on holiday. Change of venue and routine sends them la la, motel and hotel rooms have zero kid proofing (observation rather than complaint on that one) so you are stopping potential final destination moments constantly.
Ms 4.5 is acting up and Mr almost 2 is yelling and won't sleep. The wife and I are fucking knackered and I don't think we have the energy for a week of this shit.
I'm sure things will be fine in the morning though...right??Right?!!
It's nice to get a change of scenery. But in the end they don't appreciate it; at that age they are just happy to play in a park or on the beach somewhere. Somehow they always know to lose their shit when you least want them to
Mine are teens. All they give a shit about now is how good the wifi is.... then again, so does the wife
Restrictions start to ease in a week. We've got a couple of short getaways planned for January and April 2022, but in the meantime I'm getting in as much camping/hiking as I can. And if they want to come, and not make a drama/pack half a ton of shit we don't need, then OK.
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@paekakboyz said in Parenting:
Can someone tell me why the fuck we bother taking young kids on holiday. Change of venue and routine sends them la la, motel and hotel rooms have zero kid proofing (observation rather than complaint on that one) so you are stopping potential final destination moments constantly.
Ms 4.5 is acting up and Mr almost 2 is yelling and won't sleep. The wife and I are fucking knackered and I don't think we have the energy for a week of this shit.
I'm sure things will be fine in the morning though...right??Right?!!
It's nice to get a change of scenery. But in the end they don't appreciate it; at that age they are just happy to play in a park or on the beach somewhere. Somehow they always know to lose their shit when you least want them to
Mine are teens. All they give a shit about now is how good the wifi is.... then again, so does the wife
The CF Jrs are 11 and 8. Always grates me when we go somewhere really nice, and today is the "worst day of my life" coz the WiFi is rubbish. Happy to hear I'm not the only one
