Parenting
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@majorrage said in Parenting:
Fern Helpline, first time caller.
My 7 year old daughter has completely lost the plot about going to school. Completely. She’s just moved up a level (pre prep to prep) and after a superb first week it’s suddenly all on.
Colossal tantrums, tears all because of a “sore belly”. We drive to school, son gets out then it’s 30 mins in the car of refusal, tears - “it’s too hard”, “I’m always tired”, “I miss mummy too much” etc etc. Takes ages to calm here, she misses the first lesson then once in - she’s fine.
We ask the teachers who say she’s happy, gets on with it, isn’t struggling and is fine (she’s a bit of a boffin). She just talks herself into it. It starts the night before when she gets tired. We see the anxiety go up and then in the mornings … it’s all on.
She had a tough, long summer (school closed early due to Covid case, no overseas holidays (first world …) and the bullying as on other chat). I’m sure these are related. But after a great first week, it’s literally come out of nowhere.
So, anybody faced this before? Any tips, hints, ideas?
Literally, once she’s in, she’s off. And at pickup she’s always got a huge smile. We are completely lost.
We had exactly this last year with the lad who was 7 at the time. Every morning, would cry at drop off for 20mins, had to be led in crying by his saint of a teacher. Lasted a month at least, pretty tough to watch. Eventually he got over it, and we never really got to the bottom of it, he just used to work himself into a state for no apparent reason. Like your lass, the anxiety started the night before sometimes. So draining.
Does she have a mate in class? Any way you can coordinate drop-off together with her?
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CF Jr went through a phase like this around 10. Anxiety around new school and a more competitive environment appeared to be the triggers for him. There will always be a reason, whether you will find out is another story. We found it was good to contact the teacher to discuss, the school were good at organising one on one meetings with him to draw out the source of his acting up, he told them stuff he wouldn't tell us which helped manage the situation
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@majorrage said in Parenting:
Literally, once she’s in, she’s off. And at pickup she’s always got a huge smile. We are completely lost
Working at a school that is so common, same at kindy etc. Very common. Best way is the bandaid method, rip it of fast. Talk to the school, our teachers often meet these kids at the gate at a certain time, and almost drag them in. Soon as mum's out of sight, finished, pretty much. The longer the parent stays, talking, convincing, whatever, the more wound up the kids gets. You can't logic or convince a little kid to ignore a bit of separation anxiety. But they will get over it.
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Oh no, so they don't grow out of this after 4 and 3/4s!!? Just going through this now with our daughter - right down to the sore tummy and winding herself up the night before. She just wants to get to school asap. But I know she settles almost immediately. Still bloody traumatic for us though! Kia kaha @MajorRage
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@paekakboyz said in Parenting:
Oh no, so they don't grow out of this after 4 and 3/4s!!? Just going through this now with our daughter - right down to the sore tummy and winding herself up the night before. She just wants to get to school asap. But I know she settles almost immediately. Still bloody traumatic for us though! Kia kaha @MajorRage
When I dropped the boys off to kindy when I was SaHD, I used to run away then call later for reassurance that they were fine.
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@taniwharugby said in Parenting:
@majorrage I think you cant underestimate the bullying aspect, alot of that mirrors my son after he was bullied 1st year at Intermediate.
And teachers don’t see it a lot of the time, it can be very subtle
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@mariner4life this a good thread. I need to participate.
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Can someone tell me why the fuck we bother taking young kids on holiday. Change of venue and routine sends them la la, motel and hotel rooms have zero kid proofing (observation rather than complaint on that one) so you are stopping potential final destination moments constantly.
Ms 4.5 is acting up and Mr almost 2 is yelling and won't sleep. The wife and I are fucking knackered and I don't think we have the energy for a week of this shit.
I'm sure things will be fine in the morning though...right??Right?!!
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@paekakboyz said in Parenting:
Can someone tell me why the fuck we bother taking young kids on holiday. Change of venue and routine sends them la la, motel and hotel rooms have zero kid proofing (observation rather than complaint on that one) so you are stopping potential final destination moments constantly.
Ms 4.5 is acting up and Mr almost 2 is yelling and won't sleep. The wife and I are fucking knackered and I don't think we have the energy for a week of this shit.
I'm sure things will be fine in the morning though...right??Right?!!
It's nice to get a change of scenery. But in the end they don't appreciate it; at that age they are just happy to play in a park or on the beach somewhere. Somehow they always know to lose their shit when you least want them to
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@paekakboyz said in Parenting:
Can someone tell me why the fuck we bother taking young kids on holiday. Change of venue and routine sends them la la, motel and hotel rooms have zero kid proofing (observation rather than complaint on that one) so you are stopping potential final destination moments constantly.
Ms 4.5 is acting up and Mr almost 2 is yelling and won't sleep. The wife and I are fucking knackered and I don't think we have the energy for a week of this shit.
I'm sure things will be fine in the morning though...right??Right?!!
It's nice to get a change of scenery. But in the end they don't appreciate it; at that age they are just happy to play in a park or on the beach somewhere. Somehow they always know to lose their shit when you least want them to
Mine are teens. All they give a shit about now is how good the wifi is.... then again, so does the wife
Restrictions start to ease in a week. We've got a couple of short getaways planned for January and April 2022, but in the meantime I'm getting in as much camping/hiking as I can. And if they want to come, and not make a drama/pack half a ton of shit we don't need, then OK.
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@paekakboyz said in Parenting:
Can someone tell me why the fuck we bother taking young kids on holiday. Change of venue and routine sends them la la, motel and hotel rooms have zero kid proofing (observation rather than complaint on that one) so you are stopping potential final destination moments constantly.
Ms 4.5 is acting up and Mr almost 2 is yelling and won't sleep. The wife and I are fucking knackered and I don't think we have the energy for a week of this shit.
I'm sure things will be fine in the morning though...right??Right?!!
It's nice to get a change of scenery. But in the end they don't appreciate it; at that age they are just happy to play in a park or on the beach somewhere. Somehow they always know to lose their shit when you least want them to
Mine are teens. All they give a shit about now is how good the wifi is.... then again, so does the wife
The CF Jrs are 11 and 8. Always grates me when we go somewhere really nice, and today is the "worst day of my life" coz the WiFi is rubbish. Happy to hear I'm not the only one
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@paekakboyz said in Parenting:
Can someone tell me why the fuck we bother taking young kids on holiday. Change of venue and routine sends them la la, motel and hotel rooms have zero kid proofing (observation rather than complaint on that one) so you are stopping potential final destination moments constantly.
Ms 4.5 is acting up and Mr almost 2 is yelling and won't sleep. The wife and I are fucking knackered and I don't think we have the energy for a week of this shit.
I'm sure things will be fine in the morning though...right??Right?!!
It's nice to get a change of scenery. But in the end they don't appreciate it; at that age they are just happy to play in a park or on the beach somewhere. Somehow they always know to lose their shit when you least want them to
Mine are teens. All they give a shit about now is how good the wifi is.... then again, so does the wife
In two years you will yearn for this ...
Apropos to nothing ... well kind of related to the above ... tomorrow is the last first day of term for Ms Boo Jr.
18 and year 12 and about to clock out of school. 3 (maybe 4 weeks) and she hits external exams, and school is all over ... gooorne ... mid November.
Am quite emotional really. Is the end of her childhood and in the last 6 months she's been growing up far far too fast.
She's discovered intoxicating substances. Am not going to lose my shit over that ... i mean it would be somewhat hypocritical ... and she's been happy to share (maybe belatedly) some of her experiences.
WRT to boys (she does seem normally inclined in that regard despite society's current imperative to seek alternatives ... ) and stuff she seems to have a solid head on her shoulders (she shares with her Mum ... who obv tells me
) and there's nothing concerinng as Dad.Funnily enough she's rediscovered her happy self. For a couple of years she was really quite a shit. Last 6 months or so been back to her happy wee self, and a joy to be around.
Anyway, the little shits grow up far too fast. Enjoy them while they're young . Take every minute you can with them. Build sandcastles, make Lego towers, lose at Snap and running races (not too often mind), spray water pistols at each other, because they're not 4.5yo forever.
So they grizzle. So what? Film them and show it at their 16th!
Next thing you'll know is they're heading off to their Formal (I.e., Prom, Ball or whatever you call it locally) after party with multiple drunk teenage boys ( ... I'm looking at you TSF - that was you) looking like a film star while still being the 3yo you left at day care for the first time.
Am just a little sad to be be losing her to adulthood.
So you guys with bubbas , some grizzling is but a delightful inconvenience.
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@paekakboyz said in Parenting:
Can someone tell me why the fuck we bother taking young kids on holiday. Change of venue and routine sends them la la, motel and hotel rooms have zero kid proofing (observation rather than complaint on that one) so you are stopping potential final destination moments constantly.
Ms 4.5 is acting up and Mr almost 2 is yelling and won't sleep. The wife and I are fucking knackered and I don't think we have the energy for a week of this shit.
I'm sure things will be fine in the morning though...right??Right?!!
This resonates - it was easy when we just had one, she was a great traveller and could deal with late nights and changes in routine. When we were living in Thailand in 2018, we skipped across to Sri Lanka for Christmas and New Year with the kids (at the time 9 months old and 4) and it was the worst holiday we've ever had. We chose to hire a car and drive ourselves around which was a bit of a nightmare because the Sri Lankan dangerous driving is a step up from the Thais, and then, even though we shelled out for two bedroom motel rooms, we were pretty much awake at 4am every morning when the 9 month old woke the 4 year old up, who then wouldn't go back to sleep. We ended up pulling the pin on the holiday a week early and flying back and "holidaying" in my work's apartment in Bangkok, which had 3 bedrooms, a rooftop pool, and was handy to all the good attractions and eating spots.
Our flight back to NZ in 2019 was so horrific with the young fulla (screamed the walls off the plane, shat everywhere etc), that we had pretty much endeavoured he wouldn't be long haul flying until he was four or five years old. Covid-19 took that choice out of our hands anyway. There seem to be two types of parents when it comes to kids on planes - first, the ones who don't give a fuck and let their kids do what they want, and the others who are ultra-paranoid and stressed about their kids disturbing everyone around them. We're the latter.
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We used to do a lot of long haul travel, each kid is allowed hand luggage so, along with favoured teddies or whatever, we packed full of wrapped presents to be given out at required intervals. Worked a treat. But now the youngest is 12, give then a screen and they're fine.
