Grumpy Old Man
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@dogmeat said in Grumpy Old Man:
@victor-meldrew ah Phileas Fogg chips. Introduced adult snacks to the world in the 1980's.
I assume they've also been bastardised beyond recognition.
"Between the late 1980s and early 1990s, Phileas Fogg Snacks achieved a turnover of more than £30 million. It was subsequently purchased for £24 million by United Biscuits. The four founders left after the sale while United Biscuits made significant changes to the packaging and identity, precipitating a decline in popularity." Wikipedia
Looks like the bastards have moved into making TV shows.
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Random work grumpy today: annoying fucker copies me in on an email where he's asking the vendor why his database query doesn't work.
Rather than provide the text of the query for quick troubleshooting, the silly fluffybunny takes a screenshot of the query.
ffs...
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@nta said in Grumpy Old Man:
Random work grumpy today: annoying fucker copies me in on an email where he's asking the vendor why his database query doesn't work.
Rather than provide the text of the query for quick troubleshooting, the silly fluffybunny takes a screenshot of the query.
ffs...
Ha... I don't know if I've already shared this little gem.
I take over control of a group of people. Supposedly "technical" people - experts in databases. And our particular team - specialising in the performance of databases.
I give one chap the task of collating certain metrics.
He asks me "In what form should I collect these? Word document, Confluence page, or what?".
I politely suggest "Well... we're going to be wanting to do analysis against the numbers involved, maybe create some charts and shit to show patterns... so the simplest method at this point is probably Excel." (This is EXTREMELY early days - obviously any advanced collections would be going into my glorious RDBMS.)
A week later, I get his first draft for review.
.....
....
<spoiler>
It has fucking screenshots... JPEGs - inserted into Excel worksheets.
I shit you not.
I fucking shit... you... not.That was probably the highlight. The SQL queries he'd collected from google searches made for some light entertainment also.
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@nta said in Grumpy Old Man:
@kruse every time I think I'm not up to it, stories and people like you describe makes me realise that 20+ years doing this makes me pretty fucking good at it
Yeah, I occasionally fall prey to the "Feel like I'm a fraud" Syndrome... but then I come across the real frauds... and remind myself... "I may not be going home, sitting at a fucking machine in my free time practicing and writing books about it... but I'm still better than 90% of the fluffybunnies out there. 99%".
Still... I'm constantly reminded it's a pretty low goddamn bar. -
@kruse a decade ago my company let go all the SQL dedicated staff they had. Now we get bad outcomes in database design, system architecture, and platform management.
Some of the queries I've seen in our primary Oracle platform has subqueried case statements - would make you weep. And I don't even have Oracle in my history.
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@nta said in Grumpy Old Man:
@kruse a decade ago my company let go all the SQL dedicated staff they had. Now we get bad outcomes in database design, system architecture, and platform management.
Some of the queries I've seen in our primary Oracle platform has subqueried case statements - would make you weep. And I don't even have Oracle in my history.
Ah... I probably shouldn't admit this, but I'm Oracle. Very much so currently, when caught out in NZ by this virus-thing, I was pretty much forced into taking a permanent role for the Big Bad Red O themselves.
Typically, it's not the SQL written by dumb-fluffybunnies themselves which cause the biggest headaches.
It's that fluffybunnies have become SOOOO dumb - that they've resorted to "tools" which write SQL for them... drag a few lines between the pretty pictures on one's screen, choose some drop-down filters, and voila! A fucking shit piece of SQL which is going to perform horrendously and then make the dummies complain about database performance.Fuck you Hibernate. And a smaller Fuck You to developers who create "database-agnostic code" ( (and slightly unwarranted, it's an admirable idea, just sucks in practice) ). Or in more truthful terms - developers who develop code on MS-SQL, then migrate it to Oracle, ignoring all the features Oracle has, creating massive bottlenecks with their shitty home-built "sys_sequence" and "sys_trigger" and shit, and then complain about performance.
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@booboo said in Grumpy Old Man:
I have no idea what you grumpy old fluffybunnies are talking about.
Don't worry your pretty little head about it.
But feel free to kick off if this thread derails into swapping SQL statements and advice on join orders, indexing/partitioning strategies and shit. -
@kruse said in Grumpy Old Man:
Ah... I probably shouldn't admit this, but I'm Oracle. Very much so currently, when caught out in NZ by this virus-thing, I was pretty much forced into taking a permanent role for the Big Bad Red O themselves.
Oracle is fine. In this case it is the users. No technology is bad, after all.
Except XML. That shit is useless.
@kruse said in Grumpy Old Man:
Or in more truthful terms - developers who develop code on MS-SQL, then migrate it to Oracle, ignoring all the features Oracle has, creating massive bottlenecks with their shitty home-built "sys_sequence" and "sys_trigger" and shit, and then complain about performance.
I started out with MS SQL but my boss was an old school coder and never relied on any in-built features, just native SQL with good structure and indexing, so that's what I learned.
In my case, the guys running Oracale are using something called Business Objects to put their logic together, which I suspect is the cause of all the system issues when trying to go above a couple of hundred thousand rows.
I honestly think if I showed them CTEs I'd save us a bucketload in processor time. And their heads would explode.
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@scribe said in Grumpy Old Man:
This one time. At Developer Camp …
this thread suddenly reeks of virgin
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@mariner4life said in Grumpy Old Man:
@scribe said in Grumpy Old Man:
This one time. At Developer Camp …
this thread suddenly reeks of virgin
Hence... Grumpy.
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@kruse said in Grumpy Old Man:
@booboo said in Grumpy Old Man:
I have no idea what you grumpy old fluffybunnies are talking about.
Don't worry your pretty little head about it.
But feel free to kick off if this thread derails into swapping SQL statements and advice on join orders, indexing/partitioning strategies and shit.Now you're just making up words.
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M MajorRage forked this topic on
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@booboo said in Grumpy Old Man:
@kruse said in Grumpy Old Man:
@booboo said in Grumpy Old Man:
I have no idea what you grumpy old fluffybunnies are talking about.
Don't worry your pretty little head about it.
But feel free to kick off if this thread derails into swapping SQL statements and advice on join orders, indexing/partitioning strategies and shit.Now you're just making up words.
All words are made up.
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In the late -80's, I once wrote a contract management system on Lotus 1-2-3 which used 2 x 5.25" floppies, and duly wrote a 4 page guide for dummies. The first few instructions were:
- Turn on IBM PC
- Remove disk marked "Master" from sleeve...
First day of use the cretin who was admin-ing the contacts came to me saying she couldn't get the floppy disk in the slot. Turned out the dumb bint had only used a pair of scissors to remove the circular magnetic media from the plastic housing and tried to put that in the floppy drive...
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Just had a positive Covid test. No big deal as it's just a light cold but it fucks up our plans to visit elderly parents.
Bugger.
