• Categories
Collapse

The Silver Fern

No kids, any regrets?

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved Off Topic
279 Posts 40 Posters 7.0k Views
No kids, any regrets?
    • Oldest to Newest
    • Newest to Oldest
    • Most Votes
Reply
  • Reply as topic
Log in to reply
This topic has been deleted. Only users with topic management privileges can see it.
  • Crazy HorseC Offline
    Crazy HorseC Offline
    Crazy Horse
    wrote on last edited by
    #70

    I have never felt any judgement or pressure to have kids. Maybe it's there and I am too far up my own arse to feel it.

    Marriage is different. We are always getting asked when we are getting married.

    No QuarterN 1 Reply Last reply
    3
  • chimoausC Offline
    chimoausC Offline
    chimoaus
    replied to Kiwiwomble on last edited by
    #71

    @Kiwiwomble said in No kids, any regrets?:

    @chimoaus

    do you mind if i add a supplementary question?

    how do you make new friends without kids....it seems whenever someone talks about catching up with other couples (unless a relative) its someone theyve met through something kid based

    Its one of the reasons ive going to try and get back into playing rugby (masters), meet some more people

    TBH I don't have any friends in the town I recently moved to, sounds depressing writing that down. I am in the lucky position that my wife and I get on well and we do a lot together which is great. We also have the wife's family nearby and spend plenty of time with them.

    All my family and childhood mates are in NZ so that is a bummer and being a bloke I don't stay in touch like I should. Would be great to have someone to watch the rugby with and have a chat but it can be bloody hard to find people you connect with in your 40's.

    I also have a hobby/Job that is mainly done solo (not that :-)) so I don't get to meet many people.

    Good luck with the rugby, not sure my body could handle that.

    canefanC KiwiwombleK Rancid SchnitzelR 3 Replies Last reply
    5
  • chimoausC Offline
    chimoausC Offline
    chimoaus
    replied to bayimports on last edited by
    #72

    @bayimports said in No kids, any regrets?:

    Thanks for posting @chimoaus , somewhat therapeutic just typing

    cheers

    My pleasure, always good to know other people experience the same things.

    1 Reply Last reply
    1
  • ACT CrusaderA Offline
    ACT CrusaderA Offline
    ACT Crusader
    replied to Hooroo on last edited by
    #73

    @Hooroo sounds like favourite uncle material right there 😎

    But you raise a good point, just because someone doesn’t have kids or someone has made a decision to not have children, that doesn’t mean they can’t contribute positively in the lives of nieces and nephews, friends kids etc.

    I’ve seen this in my own life and my own children have been positively impacted by an uncle or Aunty or friend that isn’t a parent themselves.

    But I’ve also seen adults who don’t have kids sort of cower when it comes to interacting with kids. You don’t have to overdo it and parent them, but be natural and chill.

    Crazy HorseC 1 Reply Last reply
    1
  • Crazy HorseC Offline
    Crazy HorseC Offline
    Crazy Horse
    replied to ACT Crusader on last edited by
    #74

    @ACT-Crusader said in No kids, any regrets?:

    But I’ve also seen adults who don’t have kids sort of cower when it comes to interacting with kids.

    That's me!

    PaekakboyzP 1 Reply Last reply
    0
  • PaekakboyzP Offline
    PaekakboyzP Offline
    Paekakboyz
    replied to Crazy Horse on last edited by
    #75

    @Crazy-Horse they smell the fear!! 😉

    Little shits aye ha ha

    1 Reply Last reply
    2
  • Crazy HorseC Offline
    Crazy HorseC Offline
    Crazy Horse
    wrote on last edited by
    #76

    It's a running joke at work. They see the fear on my face when I have to interact with kids.

    One day we were assisting Child Welfare take a child off a family and there was a standoff with the dad who was holding the kid. Eventually the father agreed to hand the baby over and he reached out to pass the baby to me. I froze. I have never held a baby and I didn't know what to do. Luckily my partner saw the fear, stepped up and took the baby. We were laughing later at how pale I went. Scariest moment of my career!

    1 Reply Last reply
    5
  • canefanC Online
    canefanC Online
    canefan
    replied to chimoaus on last edited by
    #77

    @chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:

    @Kiwiwomble said in No kids, any regrets?:

    @chimoaus

    do you mind if i add a supplementary question?

    how do you make new friends without kids....it seems whenever someone talks about catching up with other couples (unless a relative) its someone theyve met through something kid based

    Its one of the reasons ive going to try and get back into playing rugby (masters), meet some more people

    TBH I don't have any friends in the town I recently moved to, sounds depressing writing that down. I am in the lucky position that my wife and I get on well and we do a lot together which is great. We also have the wife's family nearby and spend plenty of time with them.

    All my family and childhood mates are in NZ so that is a bummer and being a bloke I don't stay in touch like I should. Would be great to have someone to watch the rugby with and have a chat but it can be bloody hard to find people you connect with in your 40's.

    I also have a hobby/Job that is mainly done solo (not that :-)) so I don't get to meet many people.

    Good luck with the rugby, not sure my body could handle that.

    Certainly gets more difficult, or requires more effort to connect with people when you move to a new place. Kids give you that easy way in

    1 Reply Last reply
    1
  • B Offline
    B Offline
    bayimports
    replied to MN5 on last edited by
    #78

    @MN5 said in No kids, any regrets?:

    @Rancid-Schnitzel said in No kids, any regrets?:

    Given how it seems people with kids do nothing but bitch and complain about them (and in the early years look absolutely exhausted and destroyed most of the time) perhaps the surprising thing is why so many people still actually want to have kids.

    What I do find funny is some childless couples who spoil their pets rotten and almost treat them like kids.

    That’s my other half and her cat ( but she’s also beyond awesome with my boys which makes life easy )

    This is sort of us too with our dogs. We walk them twice a day and have met all sorts of people as a result. Some of course you wish you didn't, but others have become friends. Sometimes it means take a couple of beers to the local park, let the dogs play while you quietly sink a couple. So can be fun!

    voodooV canefanC 2 Replies Last reply
    2
  • voodooV Offline
    voodooV Offline
    voodoo
    replied to bayimports on last edited by
    #79

    @bayimports said in No kids, any regrets?:

    @MN5 said in No kids, any regrets?:

    @Rancid-Schnitzel said in No kids, any regrets?:

    Given how it seems people with kids do nothing but bitch and complain about them (and in the early years look absolutely exhausted and destroyed most of the time) perhaps the surprising thing is why so many people still actually want to have kids.

    What I do find funny is some childless couples who spoil their pets rotten and almost treat them like kids.

    That’s my other half and her cat ( but she’s also beyond awesome with my boys which makes life easy )

    This is sort of us too with our dogs. We walk them twice a day and have met all sorts of people as a result. Some of course you wish you didn't, but others have become friends. Sometimes it means take a couple of beers to the local park, let the dogs play while you quietly sink a couple. So can be fun!

    I did this at my daughters athletics training the other week. Felt like an alco initially, but I recovered quickly ...

    1 Reply Last reply
    2
  • canefanC Online
    canefanC Online
    canefan
    replied to bayimports on last edited by
    #80

    @bayimports said in No kids, any regrets?:

    @MN5 said in No kids, any regrets?:

    @Rancid-Schnitzel said in No kids, any regrets?:

    Given how it seems people with kids do nothing but bitch and complain about them (and in the early years look absolutely exhausted and destroyed most of the time) perhaps the surprising thing is why so many people still actually want to have kids.

    What I do find funny is some childless couples who spoil their pets rotten and almost treat them like kids.

    That’s my other half and her cat ( but she’s also beyond awesome with my boys which makes life easy )

    This is sort of us too with our dogs. We walk them twice a day and have met all sorts of people as a result. Some of course you wish you didn't, but others have become friends. Sometimes it means take a couple of beers to the local park, let the dogs play while you quietly sink a couple. So can be fun!

    Kids and fur babies are both good ways to meet people. As a single guy in a new city who knew a few people I found I really had to hustle to get out and about. And mates with girlfriends or their own friends were hard enough to link up with, it would be more challenging once they have kids. But there must be lots of like minded people in similar circumstances. Fuck knows where they hide though

    1 Reply Last reply
    1
  • No QuarterN Offline
    No QuarterN Offline
    No Quarter
    replied to Crazy Horse on last edited by No Quarter
    #81

    @Crazy-Horse said in No kids, any regrets?:

    I have never felt any judgement or pressure to have kids. Maybe it's there and I am too far up my own arse to feel it.

    Marriage is different. We are always getting asked when we are getting married.

    It's women that seem to cop it in relation to kids. And it's either way these days, they can't win. When my (now) wife got pregnant at 22 (which was a whoops on our part) she got a lot of "you're too young, you've ruined your life!" etc. Now that we're in our 30s I'm certain the same people would be asking her why we don't have kids yet if we didn't have them.

    1 Reply Last reply
    4
  • KiwiwombleK Offline
    KiwiwombleK Offline
    Kiwiwomble
    replied to chimoaus on last edited by
    #82

    @chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:

    @Kiwiwomble said in No kids, any regrets?:

    @chimoaus

    do you mind if i add a supplementary question?

    how do you make new friends without kids....it seems whenever someone talks about catching up with other couples (unless a relative) its someone theyve met through something kid based

    Its one of the reasons ive going to try and get back into playing rugby (masters), meet some more people

    TBH I don't have any friends in the town I recently moved to, sounds depressing writing that down. I am in the lucky position that my wife and I get on well and we do a lot together which is great. We also have the wife's family nearby and spend plenty of time with them.

    All my family and childhood mates are in NZ so that is a bummer and being a bloke I don't stay in touch like I should. Would be great to have someone to watch the rugby with and have a chat but it can be bloody hard to find people you connect with in your 40's.

    I also have a hobby/Job that is mainly done solo (not that :-)) so I don't get to meet many people.

    Good luck with the rugby, not sure my body could handle that.

    That’s sounds a lot like us, we do a lot together too

    ....and I’m not sure my bodies up to it either!

    1 Reply Last reply
    1
  • Rancid SchnitzelR Offline
    Rancid SchnitzelR Offline
    Rancid Schnitzel
    replied to chimoaus on last edited by
    #83

    @chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:

    @Kiwiwomble said in No kids, any regrets?:

    @chimoaus

    do you mind if i add a supplementary question?

    how do you make new friends without kids....it seems whenever someone talks about catching up with other couples (unless a relative) its someone theyve met through something kid based

    Its one of the reasons ive going to try and get back into playing rugby (masters), meet some more people

    TBH I don't have any friends in the town I recently moved to, sounds depressing writing that down. I am in the lucky position that my wife and I get on well and we do a lot together which is great. We also have the wife's family nearby and spend plenty of time with them.

    All my family and childhood mates are in NZ so that is a bummer and being a bloke I don't stay in touch like I should. Would be great to have someone to watch the rugby with and have a chat but it can be bloody hard to find people you connect with in your 40's.

    I also have a hobby/Job that is mainly done solo (not that :-)) so I don't get to meet many people.

    Good luck with the rugby, not sure my body could handle that.

    Where are you living now Mate?

    chimoausC 1 Reply Last reply
    0
  • MiketheSnowM Offline
    MiketheSnowM Offline
    MiketheSnow
    wrote on last edited by
    #84

    None that I know of / come calling yet.

    Lived a seasonal transient life since I left school so never really settled in one place or stayed with one girl long enough.

    When I did in 2010 I was 43 and she was 38.

    First questions on the verge of moving in together

    Do you want to get married? Both of us, NO
    Do you want kids? Both of us, NO

    10 years later all smiles

    Worked with kids all my life.

    14 summers at American Summer Camp
    20 winters ski instructing

    Got nephew and nieces and extended family have kids so don't miss out on the family side of things.

    No regrets.

    voodooV 1 Reply Last reply
    4
  • voodooV Offline
    voodooV Offline
    voodoo
    replied to MiketheSnow on last edited by
    #85

    @MiketheSnow said in No kids, any regrets?:

    None that I know of / come calling yet.

    Lived a seasonal transient life since I left school so never really settled in one place or stayed with one girl long enough.

    When I did in 2010 I was 43 and she was 38.

    First questions on the verge of moving in together

    Do you want to get married? Both of us, NO
    Do you want kids? Both of us, NO

    10 years later all smiles

    Worked with kids all my life.

    14 summers at American Summer Camp
    20 winters ski instructing

    Got nephew and nieces and extended family have kids so don't miss out on the family side of things.

    No regrets.

    I wonder if the number of powder days you've had is roughly equivalent to the number of nappies I've changed?

    What an amazing thought

    I'm opening another bottle

    1 Reply Last reply
    8
  • chimoausC Offline
    chimoausC Offline
    chimoaus
    replied to Rancid Schnitzel on last edited by
    #86

    @Rancid-Schnitzel A few hours out of Melbourne heading north.

    ACT CrusaderA 1 Reply Last reply
    0
  • ACT CrusaderA Offline
    ACT CrusaderA Offline
    ACT Crusader
    replied to chimoaus on last edited by
    #87

    @chimoaus said in No kids, any regrets?:

    @Rancid-Schnitzel A few hours out of Melbourne heading north.

    Small town or one of the bigger centres like Wangaratta or Shepparton?

    chimoausC 1 Reply Last reply
    1
  • boobooB Online
    boobooB Online
    booboo
    wrote on last edited by booboo
    #88

    So...

    .. married in mid 30s to a lady a little older than me with a previous family (two kids she loves dearly but is out of touch with... for reasons I won't go into here...). Given her circumstances she was no longer able to have children.

    We were never having kids. Just accepted fact. I'm not sure I reflected on this or even if I "regretted" it. It just was. We weren't having kids. It was her and me and we were happy.

    Happens my Dad passed away in 2001.

    As part of the grieving process Mrs Boo lines me up and asks me if I want kids. Honestly. DO YOU WANT KIDS? Searching within, well yeah I do. Mrs Boo then has to have surgery to make having kids possible again.

    Not long after we end up with Ms Boo Jr. Best decision of our lives.

    When @mariner4life or @taniwharugby or @NTA describe how they out of the blue come and share some random moment in their lives that's so awesome. And the joy at her successes at school and in sport transcend any I ever achieved for myself.

    She's about to set sail into the world in a year or so, and Mrs Boo and I will have to find that spot we had 17 years ago when it was just her and I.

    My point being is I think having child is beyond awesome.

    But if we could go back 17 years (ok ... 18) I really don't think I would have have gone through life regretting it.

    So @chimoaus don't . Regret not having kids that is. I wouldn't have.

    But if you do have kids they are the best toys ever.

    1 Reply Last reply
    15
  • taniwharugbyT Offline
    taniwharugbyT Offline
    taniwharugby
    wrote on last edited by
    #89

    Saw this on FB...on topic

    FB_IMG_1603823849708.jpg

    1 Reply Last reply
    13

No kids, any regrets?
Off Topic
  • Login

  • Don't have an account? Register

  • Login or register to search.
  • First post
    Last post
0
  • Categories
  • Login

  • Don't have an account? Register

  • Login or register to search.