Parenting
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Both are very tech literate, and if they want to hide stuff they could work it out. So we just emphasis the parenting part of it.
spot on. Where there's a will, there's a way, and teenagers have plenty of will. So working hard on good decision making is really important, as is being realistic about what will happen. You may slow them down making life changing decisions.
That said <shakes head> a top knot ...
My son won a Technology award last year, and my daughter is on track to do the same (mainly I think to spite her brother), so if I wasn't in IT I'd be screwed.
I have routers that I set the amount of internet time they can have, and time periods that it turns off. It has a massive flaw, which is me. The boy worked out that he could change it on my phone while I was alseep and I wouldn't wake up.
The Boy is Android, The Girl is Apple. So I let her Mum deal with the iOS controls bullshit and have the Google Mesh deal with anything else on our network.
It isn't anywhere near flawless - he can still cruise for illicit shit on 4G if he wants - but I realised long ago that I get more value out of projecting my IT credentials to them as I do putting in the actual work. They'll find a way if they want it.
Yeah, that's the conversation I had with the wife. It's like trying to stop water falling through a sieve. Have to teach them how to use these things safely.
Kids know never to give our their name, age, school details or address, anything like that.
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my kids think I can do waaay more checking up on them than I can.
Our internet provider (Nova) dont give you the flexibility to go into the router settings to specify access on certain devices, kids dont know that as I used to have it on the old one, and were enough occasions thier wifi access stopped that they do get off in a 'reasonable' timeframe of when they are supposed to.
Kids have limited data so putting location on thier phones uses thier data, biggest issue with my kids (mainly Miss 12) is that she often goes out with her friends with ph on <20% and then it goes flat, so locating her wont work anyway!
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Sooo...went along to the Family Group Conference for the boy that mugged TR Jnr today.
This kid...when you hear the story, he's been up against it from day 1...and I think the way the system is geared hasnt helped either, but cant really go into too much here
Anyway, I got to say my piece for TR Jnr and added a bit from me, and I actually got quite emotional during it, which isnt what I had expected.
This kid had been busy, were other parents there, one of the other boys came as well, from incidents over a 4 month period .
Quite a draining experience, I went in with an open mind that this is a worthwhile process, and even told the boy I wanted to believe that there is some good in him and he can set himself on a positive path in life with the support he has around him.
After going through it, I'm no better able to determine if he will change his ways or if he will end up in prison (or worse...) in a year or 2.
He is in a good place (police enforced) at present and has been for 2 full months and will be for at least another 6 weeks or so, but whether he wants to move on, is upto him and equally as much, the ongoing support that he will need.
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@taniwharugby good on you bro, hopefully that comes through loud and clear. If there is even a chance it can help its worthwhile imo. Sadly unsurprised to hear he'd had things rough. Doesn't absolve anyone from being a dick, but it gives you some insight about how they got in front of you.
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Was your lad interested in the outcome at all?
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@paekakboyz yeah, I'm gonna talk about it with him later, he just wasnt interested in being there, similarly a few of the other victims
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I also forgot to mention, I was stunned (in a good way) at the amount of help that was available to this kid and his family.
So many agencies that are able to help and support him and his family setting him (and them) on the right path.
Obviously systemic failures likely played thier part in getting him where he is now, they were more another 'system' that failed.
So despite what the media might say, there is plenty of opportunities and support for these types of people to reform, but only if they want to!!
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@taniwharugby i don't know for sure, buy i don't think that family conference thing happens in the UK, it sounds like a really good idea although i bet it was emotional like mentioned before.
I do believe a lot of the time its as simple as "hurt people hurt people" or at least it starts that way. I hope it gives some closure to you now, although i suspect it will play on your mind for a while. It would for me. -
@r-l it has helped, and more importantly, closes a door for TR Jnr.
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@taniwharugby We had a similar experience as "victims" when my wife had a drugged up and drunk driver hit her car doing 186 KPH. After wife had ricocheted off concrete median barriers, etc for a while her car looked more like a golf ball than a Golf GTi. Tribute to modern cars that she was fine. His car wasn't so new and his GF wasn't wearing a seatbelt. Had her feet up on the dashboard. Both legs concertina and is an horrific roadside scene. She did survive.
We then had the whole "victim support" thing. The kid was bought in with his parents, he had to face up to us, the mediator (for want of a better word) in front of his parents. It was awful. The kid knew that he had seriously fucked up and was obviously clean (drugwise) and remorseful. His parents were really nice and apologetic. Made me wonder how the kid had got into the drug mess when his parents seemed so good but maybe I misjudged the situation. The father was a disciplinarian, no doubt. A bit Once were Warriors about it but genuine affection as well.
I didn't go to the court case, didn't seem much point as he plead guilty, but I did hear what was offered to him, accepted, and seemed to have helped him by the time that we met. We were offered financial recompense for the insurance excess, emotional distress, etc but this kid had been punished enough so I declined it all.
You just have to hope that they take these second chances I suppose.
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@gt12 Enjoy it while you can.
I remember the first time that I beat my father at tennis, golf, chess, snooker, pool, swimming and many more. Probably even monopoly. He wasn't happy on any of those occasions. Both quite competitive. TBF he did teach me all of those things, mostly, so it's his own fault.
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@gt12 the first time they tell you a passable joke is awesome to! Of course having our standards of humour set to Fern levels makes that a tad easier
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@paekakboyz said in Parenting:
standards of humour set to Fern levels makes that a tad easier
So we actually need to bury the bar if it is set that low.
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My boy is starting to be fun to hang out with (he’ll be three next month) and I can't see myself turning down these sorts of opportunities.
Enjoy it while you can mate......
CF Jr used to have a charming personality. But at age 11 he is moody, more often than not negative about most things (school, trying new things) which is accentuated by the fact that Ms CF Jr has a lovely personality (for now). His latest mood swings have resulted in a long term device ban (he was only allowed device time on the weekends and now even this is gone) and his inability to to amuse himself means he is more often than not a pain in the ass.
Talking to other parents, school blues are not uncommon, especially in the middle of the year. But fuck me, the kid has little to be down about, and frankly it has gotten old. Might have to send the little so and so to boarding school asap to sort him out
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So. Vaping...
What is your understanding thereof?
Ms Boo Jr (18 in two weeks) has come clean over the weekend that she had been indulging in said activity.
Have had my suspicions over the last couple of months (won't go into that unless you ask) and was able to give it the "what? We're not dumb" response. (Ha! Take that)
Last week we get newsletter from Head of Sec School (HOSS) giving us out of touch olds a heads up that vaping is out and out endemic.
Confront MBJ and say regardless of whether you are or aren't for God's sake you've got 3 months before you finish school don't fuck up your ATAR (Australian Tertiary Admission Rank - how you get into Uni) by getting kicked out. Denies denies denies.
But over the weekend comes clean and admits she's been vaping following the lead of her two best buddies.
So, really pissed off at our previously (and pretty much still) Miss Goodie Two Shoes.
But this vaping lark is apparently all sorts of bad.
Was meant to be this harmless alternative to smoking but apparently it fries your brain.
Her academic performance has been down, and we suspect this is a contributory factor.
So Mrs Boo and I went and saw said HOSS (in confidence), who is MBJ's favouritest ever teacher, so that is good. And got a real heads up on the problem.
Being massively targeted towards kids. Things like Bubblegum flavour. Big problem across all schools ATM. Some big schools have kicked some high achievers out because they drew a line.
Funny because both Mrs Boo and HOSS are ex smokers who took the piss back in the day. But apparently this vaping can be worse than smoking.
Mrs Boo really upset, and quite suspicious of MBJ now. Any unaccounted time becomes "what's she doing?".
Worries about gateways to other substances.
Anyways. Any comments or tips appreciated, but this is just a bit of a rant/off load.
