Parenting
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Sooo...went along to the Family Group Conference for the boy that mugged TR Jnr today.
This kid...when you hear the story, he's been up against it from day 1...and I think the way the system is geared hasnt helped either, but cant really go into too much here
Anyway, I got to say my piece for TR Jnr and added a bit from me, and I actually got quite emotional during it, which isnt what I had expected.
This kid had been busy, were other parents there, one of the other boys came as well, from incidents over a 4 month period .
Quite a draining experience, I went in with an open mind that this is a worthwhile process, and even told the boy I wanted to believe that there is some good in him and he can set himself on a positive path in life with the support he has around him.
After going through it, I'm no better able to determine if he will change his ways or if he will end up in prison (or worse...) in a year or 2.
He is in a good place (police enforced) at present and has been for 2 full months and will be for at least another 6 weeks or so, but whether he wants to move on, is upto him and equally as much, the ongoing support that he will need.
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@taniwharugby good on you bro, hopefully that comes through loud and clear. If there is even a chance it can help its worthwhile imo. Sadly unsurprised to hear he'd had things rough. Doesn't absolve anyone from being a dick, but it gives you some insight about how they got in front of you.
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Was your lad interested in the outcome at all?
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@paekakboyz yeah, I'm gonna talk about it with him later, he just wasnt interested in being there, similarly a few of the other victims
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I also forgot to mention, I was stunned (in a good way) at the amount of help that was available to this kid and his family.
So many agencies that are able to help and support him and his family setting him (and them) on the right path.
Obviously systemic failures likely played thier part in getting him where he is now, they were more another 'system' that failed.
So despite what the media might say, there is plenty of opportunities and support for these types of people to reform, but only if they want to!!
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@taniwharugby i don't know for sure, buy i don't think that family conference thing happens in the UK, it sounds like a really good idea although i bet it was emotional like mentioned before.
I do believe a lot of the time its as simple as "hurt people hurt people" or at least it starts that way. I hope it gives some closure to you now, although i suspect it will play on your mind for a while. It would for me. -
@r-l it has helped, and more importantly, closes a door for TR Jnr.
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@taniwharugby We had a similar experience as "victims" when my wife had a drugged up and drunk driver hit her car doing 186 KPH. After wife had ricocheted off concrete median barriers, etc for a while her car looked more like a golf ball than a Golf GTi. Tribute to modern cars that she was fine. His car wasn't so new and his GF wasn't wearing a seatbelt. Had her feet up on the dashboard. Both legs concertina and is an horrific roadside scene. She did survive.
We then had the whole "victim support" thing. The kid was bought in with his parents, he had to face up to us, the mediator (for want of a better word) in front of his parents. It was awful. The kid knew that he had seriously fucked up and was obviously clean (drugwise) and remorseful. His parents were really nice and apologetic. Made me wonder how the kid had got into the drug mess when his parents seemed so good but maybe I misjudged the situation. The father was a disciplinarian, no doubt. A bit Once were Warriors about it but genuine affection as well.
I didn't go to the court case, didn't seem much point as he plead guilty, but I did hear what was offered to him, accepted, and seemed to have helped him by the time that we met. We were offered financial recompense for the insurance excess, emotional distress, etc but this kid had been punished enough so I declined it all.
You just have to hope that they take these second chances I suppose.
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@gt12 Enjoy it while you can.
I remember the first time that I beat my father at tennis, golf, chess, snooker, pool, swimming and many more. Probably even monopoly. He wasn't happy on any of those occasions. Both quite competitive. TBF he did teach me all of those things, mostly, so it's his own fault.
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@gt12 the first time they tell you a passable joke is awesome to! Of course having our standards of humour set to Fern levels makes that a tad easier
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@paekakboyz said in Parenting:
standards of humour set to Fern levels makes that a tad easier
So we actually need to bury the bar if it is set that low.
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My boy is starting to be fun to hang out with (he’ll be three next month) and I can't see myself turning down these sorts of opportunities.
Enjoy it while you can mate......
CF Jr used to have a charming personality. But at age 11 he is moody, more often than not negative about most things (school, trying new things) which is accentuated by the fact that Ms CF Jr has a lovely personality (for now). His latest mood swings have resulted in a long term device ban (he was only allowed device time on the weekends and now even this is gone) and his inability to to amuse himself means he is more often than not a pain in the ass.
Talking to other parents, school blues are not uncommon, especially in the middle of the year. But fuck me, the kid has little to be down about, and frankly it has gotten old. Might have to send the little so and so to boarding school asap to sort him out
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So. Vaping...
What is your understanding thereof?
Ms Boo Jr (18 in two weeks) has come clean over the weekend that she had been indulging in said activity.
Have had my suspicions over the last couple of months (won't go into that unless you ask) and was able to give it the "what? We're not dumb" response. (Ha! Take that)
Last week we get newsletter from Head of Sec School (HOSS) giving us out of touch olds a heads up that vaping is out and out endemic.
Confront MBJ and say regardless of whether you are or aren't for God's sake you've got 3 months before you finish school don't fuck up your ATAR (Australian Tertiary Admission Rank - how you get into Uni) by getting kicked out. Denies denies denies.
But over the weekend comes clean and admits she's been vaping following the lead of her two best buddies.
So, really pissed off at our previously (and pretty much still) Miss Goodie Two Shoes.
But this vaping lark is apparently all sorts of bad.
Was meant to be this harmless alternative to smoking but apparently it fries your brain.
Her academic performance has been down, and we suspect this is a contributory factor.
So Mrs Boo and I went and saw said HOSS (in confidence), who is MBJ's favouritest ever teacher, so that is good. And got a real heads up on the problem.
Being massively targeted towards kids. Things like Bubblegum flavour. Big problem across all schools ATM. Some big schools have kicked some high achievers out because they drew a line.
Funny because both Mrs Boo and HOSS are ex smokers who took the piss back in the day. But apparently this vaping can be worse than smoking.
Mrs Boo really upset, and quite suspicious of MBJ now. Any unaccounted time becomes "what's she doing?".
Worries about gateways to other substances.
Anyways. Any comments or tips appreciated, but this is just a bit of a rant/off load.
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Fern Helpline, first time caller.
My 7 year old daughter has completely lost the plot about going to school. Completely. She’s just moved up a level (pre prep to prep) and after a superb first week it’s suddenly all on.
Colossal tantrums, tears all because of a “sore belly”. We drive to school, son gets out then it’s 30 mins in the car of refusal, tears - “it’s too hard”, “I’m always tired”, “I miss mummy too much” etc etc. Takes ages to calm here, she misses the first lesson then once in - she’s fine.
We ask the teachers who say she’s happy, gets on with it, isn’t struggling and is fine (she’s a bit of a boffin). She just talks herself into it. It starts the night before when she gets tired. We see the anxiety go up and then in the mornings … it’s all on.
She had a tough, long summer (school closed early due to Covid case, no overseas holidays (first world …) and the bullying as on other chat). I’m sure these are related. But after a great first week, it’s literally come out of nowhere.
So, anybody faced this before? Any tips, hints, ideas?
Literally, once she’s in, she’s off. And at pickup she’s always got a huge smile. We are completely lost.
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@majorrage
It might sound harsh but if you are satisfied that she is in fact happy when she is there and nothing is going on like bullying etc, it probably is a case of tiredness and maybe even hormones and maybe the best thing you can do is not pay it too much attention. I had a week of it after the last homes schooling when they returned and I knew it was just settling back into a routine and being away from me and I had to be tough and let the teacher take her in crying. Soon stopped. The more attention I gave it and trying to talk about it the worse it got. Sleep is so important to kids and things like having a calm breakfast time no TV etc really makes a difference to our mornings.Also, re sleeptime, I have an app called moshi that has relaxation stories I play onto a wireless speaker in her room, seriously good and suitable for primary aged children, it's very focused on mindfulness and easing anxiety etc might help. Sends my little one off to sleep.
They do break your heart though. She's your daughter and you know her best. And they are more resilient than we give them credit for sometimes so a bit of tough love might shake her out of it, that won't change her relationship with you, she will still talk to you if there's a problem I'm very sure of that.
Also, others may know as I can't recall exactly and too tired to Google but I'm sure there is a psychological milestone around the age of 7, something to do with the subconscious mind?? Maybe she's just experimenting with challenging you a bit? Rebelling or wanting attention.
As with most things with children I suspect in a week or two you will say she is fine and over it.
Hope she is OK though and it gets easier for you all.
