Movie review thread...
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@antipodean said in Movie review thread...:
Jay and Silent Bob don’t seem to age at all.
Dante and Randal look FUCKEN old though, I guess all those years serving custies take their toll.
Will go and see this but in typical “sequel coming out years later” fashion I won’t hold my breath it is any good.
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Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2022
Look, I’m not @Kruse, I did go into this thinking it could be pretty decent but fuck me I’m sick of invincible weirdos who get that way simply by living in their Mums basement for 40 years ( forget AB conditioning programmes, if you want to be a unit just be disfigured and hide for decades )
Utter shit, only lasted about 45 minutes. You know a movie is gonna be terrible when they don’t even have the budget to film in Texas, apparently this was made in Bulgaria.
The only hot chick bagged it early on, fuck knows what happened to the others cos I’d turned off by then. The way Leatherface killed the cop in the car was absolutely beyond stupid, using his own wrist bone to stab him, what the fuck ?
Avoid this like the plague
1 didn’t even see a chainsaw out of 5 why didn’t the cop just shoot him ?
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The Contractor
This was bad.
But I can't really say WHY it was bad.
Just... really weird 'pacing', if that's a thing?
Or maybe I'm just a bigot, and all the bothering of god early on in the piece put me off. God-botherers and uber-patriotic seppos.... ugh.
Anyway... the latest Captain Kirk... Chris something? Pine? As an Army Ranger. Who gets laid off, coz he's popping drugs for his fucked up knee. But he's broke. And wants to fix his roof. Gets recruited by his mate into a supposedly legit semi-private military contracting firm. It's run by a Sutherland. Guess what... spoiler... it's maybe not so legit. An op in Berlin goes sideways. Shit happens. More shit happens. The stiltedness of this review matches the movie. He comes back to the US. Expected Twist! Maybe undo that twist! Let's go after Sutherland! Very subdued showdown. The end.- Flashbacks... I'm getting pretty fucked off with flashbacks. Once again, this bad movie was padded out with bad flashbacks. Of a 10 year old getting a tattoo. Boo fucking hoo.
- TItwatch: zero. Which is probably for the best, the only female character was played by Gillian Jacobs, and as far as I'm aware, her personal Titwatch is zero.
1 over-the-top fully spec-ops kitted out op to take out 1 scientist, out of 5 under-kitted-out forays into the world by a man who believes he's being hunted by spec-ops teams.
And for those concerned about my well-being with this latest flurry of absolute shit movies... to be fair, I have interspersed then with some less-shit (Moonfall, Uncharted, Matrix: 4, etc), and a re-watch of guilty-pleasure Nobody.
But mostly - I've had a carrot dangling at the end of all this... I am looking forward very much to Everything Everywhere All At Once - I've got it downloaded, but now see it's still playing at the local cinema this weekend - so might indulge in that. -
@Machpants said in Movie review thread...:
@Kruse You're a masochist
I'm currently doing a mini-binge of The Boys to balance out the movie-shit.
Soooo good. -
Missed the F1 and having seen the result thought I’d just wait for the highlights and was channel hopping. Clicked on the last 10 minutes, if that, of The Godfather. Less than ten minutes and you can see what a perfect film it was.
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It's anything but a Fern movie, but we ended up watching The Railway Children from 1970 with the family. Feel-good family movie which I actually, surprisingly enjoyed.
3.5 young Jenny Agutter's out of 5 steam locomotives
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Just see it
Mark Rylance is a hoot
5 fores out of 5 Opens
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The Harder They Fall
To be fair, I didn't know what I was watching when I started this.
First - I assumed a Western with all black(/Black?) actors/characters - and I figured... sure, why not?
But, I soon suspected this was not that good...
Eventually I realised it was a "modern Blaxploitation Western"... and it started to make more sense.
And I could enjoy some of the aspects...- Particularly: Style over realism
- Style over realism can be good, and was good. Stupidly stylistic gunfights. Stupidly stylistic dance-shows/decor in western taverns.
- Contemporary music, dancin', etc
- over-the-top "it's-a-white-town" commentary
But - it was missing some critical aspects...
- Titwatch: zero
AND - there's one aspect of Blaxploitation and similar genres which I've never been able to cope with, and which this movie decided to stay true to....
- fucking stupid plot holes
Fuck, I hate stupid/ridiculous plot. This would have been a reasonably enjoyable romp, but for that.
2 inexplicable early-plot decisions by the baddies out of 5 inexplicable middle-plot decisions by the goodies.Edit: the more I think about this, the more angry I get... who takes a genre, takes some time, and keeps "stupid plot" but throws away "gratuitious nudity"? What the actual fuck?
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@Kruse said in Movie review thread...:
The Harder They Fall
To be fair, I didn't know what I was watching when I started this.
First - I assumed a Western with all black(/Black?) actors/characters - and I figured... sure, why not?
But, I soon suspected this was not that good...
Eventually I realised it was a "modern Blaxploitation Western"... and it started to make more sense.
And I could enjoy some of the aspects...- Particularly: Style over realism
- Style over realism can be good, and was good. Stupidly stylistic gunfights. Stupidly stylistic dance-shows/decor in western taverns.
- Contemporary music, dancin', etc
- over-the-top "it's-a-white-town" commentary
But - it was missing some critical aspects...
- Titwatch: zero
AND - there's one aspect of Blaxploitation and similar genres which I've never been able to cope with, and which this movie decided to stay true to....
- fucking stupid plot holes
Fuck, I hate stupid/ridiculous plot. This would have been a reasonably enjoyable romp, but for that.
2 inexplicable early-plot decisions by the baddies out of 5 inexplicable middle-plot decisions by the goodies.Edit: the more I think about this, the more angry I get... who takes a genre, takes some time, and keeps "stupid plot" but throws away "gratuitious nudity"? What the actual fuck?
File under 'Right On and fuck right off'
Unlike the Blaxploitation movies of the 70s, no-one will be talking about this 50 years hence.
NO ONE
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@MiketheSnow what a story, I really hope they didnt embellish it!
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Hey @Kruse
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@Bones said in Movie review thread...:
Hey @Kruse
Once again... fuck you @Bones.
Force of Nature
I'm too tired to really give this a proper go, but...- Hire a shitty anonymous stucco apartment building for a couple-days
- Throw Mel Gibson a few lines of coke
- Pour some water around occasionally, to suggest there's a "Force-fucking-5" hurricane outside
- And... this is key... do NOT show any titties. That's right... tit-watch: zero
... you get Force of Nature
Movie was summed up for me in the very first scene, which is a clever "actually, this happens later in the movie, but we'll set the scene for you with a flash-forward"... (very clever... I can't believe this isn't done more often by hacks, no... wait... )... has Mel Gibson with a pistol, agonising over how to make a precision shot on two guys fighting (how do I shoot the bad guy when he's so close to the good guy, when I've only got this shitty pistol!?). While a bint behind him is holding a scoped rifle.
Throw in some semi-nonsensical main plot, some majorly-nonsensical attempts at late-plot "twists", an overly telegraphed "gag-death" which turns out to actually be the ultimate death/climax - and... you get an underwhelming stew of... fuck you Bones.
BTW - What is it with these shit movies and their attempts at one-liners? I can understand shitty effects. I can understand shitty acting. I can kinda understand shitty plot/general-dialogue. But... for somebody to WRITE some ultra-shitty "gag", then somebody to actually SAY that same ultra-shitty "gag", and THEN... for somebody editing the movie to not delete that ultra-shitty "gag"... genuinely confuses me. It just reeks of "ahhh... fuck it. leave it in, I can't be arsed trying for anything better."Fuck you Bones.
1 mish-mash-of-a-bad-guy out of 5 mish-mashes-of-good-guys.
Did I mention tit-watch was zero? Which was a shame, as the chick-cop looked to have potential, despite doing her best(/worst) cutesy-wutesy Tina-Fey type impression.
(Google confirms - Stephanie Cayo, Peruviana - can be hot-as-fuck when permitted to be)
The Phantom of the Open (2021) ⭐ 7.0 | Biography, Comedy, Drama
