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@Rancid-Schnitzel that's good perspective. Thanks.
I'm sick of feeling like some kind of pervert just because I want to have sex with my wife. I could prefer to do what some guys my age do, and have sex with someone other than my wife.
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@Nepia said in Happiness Scale:
@MajorRage said in Happiness Scale:
With all due respect, what is it you hope to get out of posting all these personal things on TSF, a website full of mostly bullshitting middle aged men?
I am not having a go, or criticizing, but I think you need to know the answer to this question (that’s you, not us). I suspect your situation is relatable to many (I’m not going to offer any insight on my own) so are you looking for advice? Solidarity? A few laughs?
I would be shocked if you went to a counselor if they said posting this stuff here was a good idea. Hence the questions.
I know your a tech nerd, so I’m sure you’ve got all bases covered but do your best to ensure your wife never finds out. As that could blow the situation up further.
Hasn't this thread always been a little bit about therapy? When I was having a shit time at work I typed up a rant about it for this thread. Didn't post it because after reading back what I typed I realised I should just resign, so did that the next day.
At any rate, as someone who quit a job at a school that trains therapists I think the standard of the Ferns advice at times would be on a par or better than the therapists.
Not sure who you are insulting...
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@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
@Rancid-Schnitzel that's good perspective. Thanks.
I'm sick of feeling like some kind of pervert just because I want to have sex with my wife. I could prefer to do what some guys my age do, and have sex with someone other than my wife.
It's the degrading aspect that's worst. Absolute murder for the self-esteem and ironically the more desperate you become and the more pathetic shit you're willing to do for scraps, the less attractive you become. There is nothing you can do, even if you do everything right.
For guys Im not sure it's just a sex, get your rocks off thing. I think its also about intimacy and having someone who wants you. It's pretty soul destroying selecting a mate who doesn't want to mate with you.
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@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
@Rancid-Schnitzel that's good perspective. Thanks.
I'm sick of feeling like some kind of pervert just because I want to have sex with my wife. I could prefer to do what some guys my age do, and have sex with someone other than my wife.
Saw this in a Jordan Petersen YouTube video comments section.
There is a building where women can go in and select a husband. The rules are that you are allowed to go in and select a husband and leave, go up floors but you are not allowed to go back down floors.
A woman goes in and finds the men on the first floor have jobs. She decides to see what the second floor has. She goes up and finds the men on the second floor have jobs and are quite handsome. She goes to the third floor, there the men have jobs, are handsome and love kids. Things are getting better so she proceeds to the 4th floor. The men there have high income jobs, are very handsome, love kids and are quite the romantic. Well, golly! I have to see what the 5th floor has, she says and heads on up. The fifth floor is empty with only a sign that reads “there are no men here, this floor proves that women are never satisfied, please take the lift to the ground floor and exit the building.”
Across the road is a building where men can go and select a wife. Same rules apply. First floor has women who are quite pretty. Second floor has women who are quite pretty and love sex. Floors three, four and five have never been visited. -
@Rancid-Schnitzel it's also a reminder to think about how you communicate and how you (as in both of you) communicate in your relationship. I've had a big reminder of that lately and things are much better across the board. Not fucking easy though. Great couple of posts bro btw - must have been really hard to walk away from that relationship and good on you for having the gumption and self-knowledge to know it just wasn't going to work.
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@Paekakboyz said in Happiness Scale:
@Rancid-Schnitzel it's also a reminder to think about how you communicate and how you (as in both of you) communicate in your relationship. I've had a big reminder of that lately and things are much better across the board.
Things improved for me a lot when I learned to shut the fuck up when my wife was expressing her feelings. Silence is golden.
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@MajorRage said in Happiness Scale:
One of the biggest breakdowns in relationships is that woman & men communicate very differently, as others have alluded to.
My wife and I routinely make this joke:
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Cheers gents. To digress for a moment...
The kids and I had the same philosophy: the "Nonna" we knew departed years ago, effectively. What was left was just a shell of a person. Dementia fucking sucks, and it has been a long and often painful ride.
Mrs TA is of course, shattered. Despite living and breathing this for the last 5 years, and knowing the only outcome, it still hit hard. She was in the room when it happened, having spent several hours a day in the last week up there. That in itself - seeing another human die, especially your Mum - is going to fuck with you.
It'll be a slow climb out from here, but at least there is some kind of closure.
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@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
Cheers gents. To digress for a moment...
The kids and I had the same philosophy: the "Nonna" we knew departed years ago, effectively. What was left was just a shell of a person. Dementia fucking sucks, and it has been a long and often painful ride.
Mrs TA is of course, shattered. Despite living and breathing this for the last 5 years, and knowing the only outcome, it still hit hard. She was in the room when it happened, having spent several hours a day in the last week up there. That in itself - seeing another human die, especially your Mum - is going to fuck with you.
It'll be a slow climb out from here, but at least there is some kind of closure.
Sorry to hear mate. Hope the whanau is doing ok.
On the being in the room thing, while def a weird experience, I’d say that in time she’ll probably come to realise that she wouldn’t have had it any other way.
I missed my mum passing recently by about 2 hours which was a bit gutting at the time. She wasn’t speaking and you can never know how aware they are in that moment, but I’d still have liked to have been there. Looking back now with 6 weeks of hindsight though, I guess I’m more glad that we got some quality time a few weeks prior.
Def a strange thing to go through with the kids. First big loss for mine, so was interesting to watch how they process it. Sounds like both yours and mine had a long time to prepare for it, still hits them a bit when it actually happens though eh?
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@NTA sorry to hear my friend. Hope you and the lovely family I shared a couple of drinks with a few years back are doing ok. Please pass my condolences onto them too.
I was in the room when my Grandfather passed back in 2001. Not easy but part of me thinks that is how he would have wanted it.
It absolutely sux that life has to turn out like this for us all eventually.
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@NTA said in Happiness Scale:
Cheers gents. To digress for a moment...
The kids and I had the same philosophy: the "Nonna" we knew departed years ago, effectively. What was left was just a shell of a person. Dementia fucking sucks, and it has been a long and often painful ride.
Mrs TA is of course, shattered. Despite living and breathing this for the last 5 years, and knowing the only outcome, it still hit hard. She was in the room when it happened, having spent several hours a day in the last week up there. That in itself - seeing another human die, especially your Mum - is going to fuck with you.
It'll be a slow climb out from here, but at least there is some kind of closure.
condolences mate
sounds like a very similar situation to what we went through with my grandmother earlier in the year, dementia punishes everyone, hopefully there is a light at the end of the tunnel
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