Bad/Lame Jokes

[MN5]

I went to a funeral and the family got me to get up and say some words so I said ‘plethora’

They said, thanks, that means a lot

[Bones]

Police are looking for a man who stabbed six people with knitting needles.

They fear he may be following some sort of pattern.

[Victor Meldrew]

[MiketheSnow]

How do you turn a duck into a 70s Soul singer?

Put it in the microwave until its bill withers

[MN5]

@MiketheSnow said in Bad/Lame Jokes:

How do you turn a duck into a 70s Soul singer?

Put it in the microwave until its bill withers

This has been my go to joke for about 20 years. It’s one of THE absolute best I’ve ever heard.

[Catogrande]

How do make a cat sound like a dog?

Pour petrol on it and strike a match...

[Bones]

@Catogrande said in Bad/Lame Jokes:

How do make a cat sound like a dog?

Pour petrol on it and strike a match...

I'm going to need this one explained

[MiketheSnow]

@Bones said in Bad/Lame Jokes:

@Catogrande said in Bad/Lame Jokes:

How do make a cat sound like a dog?

Pour petrol on it and strike a match...

I'm going to need this one explained

Woof, whoosh

[Bones]

@MiketheSnow said in Bad/Lame Jokes:

@Bones said in Bad/Lame Jokes:

@Catogrande said in Bad/Lame Jokes:

How do make a cat sound like a dog?

Pour petrol on it and strike a match...

I'm going to need this one explained

Woof, whoosh

Missed the bit where he lit the petrol

[scribe]

How do you make a dog sound like a cat?

Store it in a freezer for a couple of days and then put it through a band saw..

[MN5]

A guy at Bunnings came up to me and asked me if I wanted decking.

Luckily I got the first punch in.

[Victor Meldrew]

[MiketheSnow]

I played football today on a pitch surfaced with compacted rubble and broken bricks.

We won 5-4 on aggregate.

[Victor Meldrew]

[Victor Meldrew]

[Victor Meldrew]

[Victor Meldrew]

"Knock, knock, who's there?"

"Dwayne"

"Dwayne Who?

"Dwayne the Bathtub, I'm drowning!"

[voodoo]

@Victor-Meldrew said in Bad/Lame Jokes:

"Knock, knock, who's there?"

"Dwayne"

"Dwayne Who?

"Dwayne the Bathtub, I'm drowning!"

Don’t want to be pedantic, but shouldn’t he be “dwowning”?