Recipes, home grown goodness, BBQing and food stuff
-
@MajorRage said in Recipes, home grown goodness, BBQing and food stuff:
So what's everybody cooking for Xmas?
I'm trying a Beef Wellington for the first time. 1.2kg of fillet on order at the local butcher, house remortgage papers in place to pay for it. Any tips on thoughts on how to cook? I saw Jamie Oliver make this on TV the other day as I was thinking it would be my approach. I generally like his stuff as it's not difficult and works quite well when I try it out.
Epic beef Wellington recipe | Jamie Oliver recipes
This is the best beef Wellington recipe – make it when you really want to pull out the stops! Jamie Oliver's epic dish is delicious served with green veg.
Still debating what to serve with, I had a stunning celeriac puree the other day at a local joint which I might also give a crack.
I certainly concede the above Turkey looks pretty good, but for me it's the most over rated protein on the planet.
Cooking?
-
How to smoke a brisket.
Step 1- Go to butcher and get biggest one they have.
Step 2- When you get home drop it from a unnecessary height on to the table so it makes a loud bang, scares the shit out of everyone and establishes your dominance as a hunter gatherer.
Step 3- Slap meat further establishing your dominance.
Step 4- Pour drink.
Step 5- Tell wife to come look at your meat. Chuckle at your comic genius.
Step 6- Trim brisket. Pretend you know what you're doing. Pour another drink.
Step 7- Season brisket with some spicy combination that has salt pepper and garlic slapping meat several times for good measure.
Step 8- Inject it with salted beef broth.
Step 9- Try wrapping with plastic wrap. Fail miserably because plastic wrap is stupid and whoever invented it deserves a slow painful death. Ask wife for help and somehow yet again she coaxes it into doing what she wants.
Step 10- Place in refrigerator for 24 to 48 hours.
Step 11- Fast forward to somewhere between 6:00 and 8:00 in the morning.
Step 12- Remove brisket from refrigerator slap meat one more time for old times sake. Remove plastic wrap and place brisket in smoker at 225°.
Step 13- Crack beer because it would just be irresponsible to start drinking hard liquor before noon.
Step 14- Fall asleep watching TV in recliner.
Step 15- Wake up in a panic! Rush outside and check pellet level in Hopper and temperature of brisket.
Step 16 - All is well and it's past noon! Pour drink.
Step 17- When brisket stalls out around 160-165 degrees wrap it in foil or butcher paper. Do not let your wife see you do this or she'll ask you to do something dumb like wrap Christmas presents. Turn smoker up to 275 degrees.
Step 28 - More drinking! Also since you can't slap the brisket when the wife walks by sneak a good one in on the derriere. This is romantic, she will think it is romantic promise. You are Romeo god of love and smoker of delicious meats.
Step 49- Time to prep cooler for resting the brisket. Gather up all of your wives very best high quality towels. You know the fancy ones that are for decoration yeah those ones. They hold heat the best. Layer those in the cooler.
Step 94- When brisket hits 203° in the point end toss it in the cooler and throw more towels on top.
Step 622- Inform everybody that the brisket is done and revel in the looks of disappointment on their faces when you tell them that it has to rest for at least an hour in the cooler and a half an hour on the cutting board. Keep them from starting a mutiny by not just pouring yourself a drink but poor drinks for everyone!
Step 1,346 - Cut and serve brisket make sure to show everybody how moist it is by squishing it and watching juices run out.
Step 2,359 - Gorge till you put yourself into a meat and alcohol induced coma.
Step 6,888 - Buy the wife new towels. Possibly remodel a bathroom if she wants. -
@TeWaio said in Recipes, home grown goodness, BBQing and food stuff:
How to smoke a brisket.
Step 1- go to butcher and get biggest one they have.
Step 2- when you get home drop it from a unnecessary height on to the table so it makes a loud bang, scares the shit out of everyone and establishes your dominance as a hunter gatherer.
Step 3- slap meat further establishing your dominance.
Step 4- pour drink.
Step 5- tell wife to come look at your meat. Chuckle at your comic genius.
Step 6- trim brisket. Pretend you know what your doing. Pour another drink.
Step 7- season brisket with some spicy combination that has salt pepper and garlic slapping meat several times for good measure.
Step 8- inject it with salted beef broth.
Step 9- try wrapping with plastic wrap. Fail miserably because plastic wrap is stupid and whoever invented it deserves a slow painful death. Ask wife for help and somehow yet again she coaxes it into doing what she wants.
Step 10- place in refrigerator for 24 to 48 hours.
Step 11- fast forward to somewhere between 6:00 and 8:00 in the morning.
Step 12- remove brisket from refrigerator slap meat one more time for old times sake. Remove plastic wrap and place brisket in smoker at 225°.
Step 13- crack beer because it would just be unresponsible to start drinking hard liquor before noon.
Step 14- fall asleep watching TV in recliner.
Step 15- wake up in a panic! Rush outside and check pellet level in Hopper and temperature of brisket.
Step 16 - all is well and it's past noon! Pour drink.
Step 17- when brisket stalls out around 160-165 degrees wrap it in foil or butcher paper. Do not let your wife see you do this or she'll ask you to do something dumb like rap Christmas presents. Turn smoker up to 275 degrees.
Step 28 - more drinking! Also since you can't slap the brisket when the wife walks by sneak a good one in on the derriere. This is romantic, she will think it is romantic promise. You are Romeo god of love and smoker of delicious meats.
Step 49- time to prep cooler for resting the brisket. Gather up all of your wives very best high quality towels. You know the fancy ones that are for decoration yeah those ones. They hold heat the best. Layer those in the cooler.
Step 94- when brisket hits 203° in the point end toss it in the cooler and throw more towels on top.
Step 622-inform everybody that the brisket is done and revel in the looks of disappointment on their faces when you tell them that it has to rest for at least an hour in the cooler and a half an hour on the cutting board. Keep them from starting a mutiny by not just pouring yourself a drink but poor drinks for everyone!
Step 1,346 - cut and serve brisket make sure to show everybody how moist It is by squishing it and watching juices run out.
Step 2,359 - gorge till you put yourself into a meat and alcohol induced coma.
Step 6,888 - buy the wife new towels. Possibly remodel a bathroom if she wants.That's a great effort sir.
I'm going to pour myself another drink
-
@Bones said in Recipes, home grown goodness, BBQing and food stuff:
Agree with the sentiment, but get the heck outta this thread with that levity. This is a serious thread for polish chicks and kiwi blokes to talk about burning meat and shit over really long amounts of time while ignoring their families and kids.
-
@voodoo said in Recipes, home grown goodness, BBQing and food stuff:
@Bones said in Recipes, home grown goodness, BBQing and food stuff:
Agree with the sentiment, but get the heck outta this thread with that levity. This is a serious thread for polish chicks and kiwi blokes to talk about burning meat and shit over really long amounts of time while ignoring their families and kids.
I'm so glad you made the distinction.
-
-
-
@pakman said in Recipes, home grown goodness, BBQing and food stuff:
Anyone know the recipe for mock whitebait fritters — uses grated potatoes instead?
I’d suggest googling potato fritters?
-
@pakman said in Recipes, home grown goodness, BBQing and food stuff:
Anyone know the recipe for mock whitebait fritters — uses grated potatoes instead?
https://www.bestrecipes.com.au/recipes/potato-fritters-recipe/4jyvqexn
-
@Bones said in Recipes, home grown goodness, BBQing and food stuff:
@pakman said in Recipes, home grown goodness, BBQing and food stuff:
Anyone know the recipe for mock whitebait fritters — uses grated potatoes instead?
https://www.bestrecipes.com.au/recipes/potato-fritters-recipe/4jyvqexn
Cheers, @Bones! Haven't had those for years and years. At my grandparents we always used to compete to see who could eat most!
-
-
