Bad/Lame Jokes

[Dodge]

A duck walks into a pub in the East End of London, walks up to the bruiser of a barman 'got any crackers?'
the barman looks confused, 'no we don't sell crackers' and the duck leaves.

The next day, the duck walks back into the pub, up to the bar 'got any crackers?'
the barman, disgruntled replies 'i told you yesterday, we don't sell crackers' and the duck leaves

the following day, the duck walks into the pub, up to the bar, 'got any crackers'
by now, the barman is pissed off, 'i've told you twice, we don't sell crackers, if you ask me that one more time i'm going to nail your fucking beak to this bar' - the duck leaves

the following day, the duck walks into the pub, up to the bar, 'hello mate, got any nails?'
the barman's face creases in confusion, 'no, no nails'

'good, got any crackers?'

[Victor Meldrew]

[Victor Meldrew]

[Catogrande]

What is blue and not very heavy?

Light blue.

[Nevorian]

[Victor Meldrew]

Q. Why do ducks never grow up?

A. Because they grow down.

[scribe]

And continuing the avian theme …

Falconry - Just a posh word for hawk/kestrel manoeuvres in the park.

[booboo]

@scribe said in Bad/Lame Jokes:

And continuing the avian theme …

Falconry - Just a posh word for hawk/kestrel manoeuvres in the park.

If you leave, just leave now, please just take your coat away.

[scribe]

I used to go out with a girl called Lindsey Doyle. She smelt like a cricket bat.

[scribe]

@scribe said in Bad/Lame Jokes:

I used to go out with a girl called Lindsey Doyle. She smelt like a cricket bat.

She had a wide-ish gully. I think I was the 3rd man.

[Catogrande]

@scribe boom, tish, X2!

[Victor Meldrew]

Someone took the wind from my sails.

I'm disgusted.

[Victor Meldrew]

[Bones]

@Victor-Meldrew said in Bad/Lame Jokes:

Q. Why do ducks never grow up?

A. Because they grow down.

[Bones]

[Victor Meldrew]

[MiketheSnow]

[Victor Meldrew]

"Knock Knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Grandad !"

"Stop the funeral !!"

[Bones]

@Victor-Meldrew gotta be Tim Vine.

[Victor Meldrew]

@Bones

Barry Cryer, I think.