Bad/Lame Jokes

[Catogrande]

@scribe

which sort of makes it a failure in this thread

[No Quarter]

I gave my handyman a to-do list, but he only did jobs 1, 3, and 5.

Turns out he only does odd jobs.

[No Quarter]

Last night I dreamed I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted!

[Catogrande]

Husband: You are my drug.
Wife: Aww! You just can’t live without me.
Husband: No. You cost too much and you’ve ruined my life.

[Catogrande]

Lily Munster: Herman you’ve done nothing to help with this meal.
Herman Munster: I did the mash.

[canefan]

I went on a date in south korea once .... I was trying to find my Seoul mate

[MN5]

An Englishman on a walk through the Welsh countryside bumps into a Welsh farmer and they start chatting;

Englishman: "That your dog?"

Welshman: "Aye"

Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him?'

Welshman: "It's a dog... It doesn't talk.”

Englishman: "Hey dog, how's it going?"

Dog: "I'm Doing all right thanks"

Welshman:

Englishman: Is this your owner?" (Pointing at the Welshman)

Dog: "Yep."

Englishman: How's he treating you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the park once a week to play."

Welshman:

Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Welshman: "Its a horse...it doesn't talk.”

Englishman: "Hey horse how's it going?"

Horse: "not too bad, neigh complaints"

Welshman:

Englishman: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Welshman)

Horse: "Yep."

Englishman: "How's he treating you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a nice stable to protect me from the weather."

Welshman:

Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Welshman: "That sheep's a F*CKING LIAR!!!”

[Catogrande]

I googled “missing mediaeval servant”.

It came back Page not found.

[scribe]

@Catogrande said in Bad/Lame Jokes:

I googled “missing mediaeval servant”.

It came back Page not found.

Keep serfing mate, you’ll find it!

[MiketheSnow]

A Darren Walsh special

I saw a donkey covered in porridge

It was Donkey Oatey

[Victor Meldrew]

[BerniesCorner]

@Catogrande said in Bad/Lame Jokes:

Autopsy Club latest news.
Meeting this Saturday.
Open mike night.

"What do you think it'll be like?"
"Remains to be seen".

[MiketheSnow]

[canefan]

[Bones]

I asked my phone: "Siri, why am I so bad with women?"
She said: "I'm Alexa you moron."

[Nevorian]

[MiketheSnow]

I got fired from the pasta factory

All because I made a fusilli mistakes

Looking back, I canoli laugh about it now

[MN5]

I asked some chick out. I told her to meet me at the gym. She never turned up…..

I just knew right then we weren’t going to work out

[BerniesCorner]

@MiketheSnow said in Bad/Lame Jokes:

I got fired from the pasta factory

All because I made a fusilli mistakes

Looking back, I canoli laugh about it now

At the end of the shift you were meant to lock the factory door but couldn't. You had gnocchi

[MiketheSnow]